To feel a bit of sadness to see looks gradually fading

[Maisyblue]

Just that really, I wonder if we all take it for granted when we have young fresh faces. I can remember when looking in the mirror first thing in the morning before putting makeup on wasn't an unpleasant sight. Now it's a bit of a scary sight. Also it gets longer to get ready now to look half decent. Isn't it a bit sad to see the face that was once young and glowing slowly start to fade.

I've noticed that posh old men seem to quite like the look of me - I'm talking men in their 60s. That's pretty much it. Ageing is a bastard - I still haven't embraced the concept and it really is about time I got my head around the fact I don't look like I'm in my 30s anymore. And I'm sure the bitter resentment is about ageing is ageing me.

Also- in my 50s - do not feel invisible.
Have recently had a stranger compliment my legs outside Pizza Express (DC mortified! ).
A few months ago a man walked past me quickly, not stopping (so don't think he was a pervert) in London saying how great my shoes were.
Last week, teeming down with rain, car stopped and stranger offered me a lift. He did not look like a murderer. ( I declined as close to home)
I don't dress like a hooker, just fairly normal clothes, but do have confident posture - maybe that helps?

I think posture is very important. You know the invisible thing? I think maybe, because we are so conditioned to expect to become invisible at 40 at the latest, that women start to lose confidence, and it shows in their posture,
in the way they stand, the way they walk. Some of the bad posture is to do with desk jobs, and bad habits, but I honestly think that some of it is a sort of apologetic shlumping into themselves.
I bet some of you saying men don't look anymore would find that if you walked tall, and felt sexy, you would still be turning heads.

It depresses me being 45. People who meet me assume I am in my mid 30's. I just wish I still actually was. I can notice the changes in my skin and my hair, menopause is gradually kicking in.. but I have a partner who is 32 so he keeps me feeling younger I suppose.

I also think it helps if you have things to animate and interest you.
Was recently chatting to someone at a conference on something I am passionate about. We were laughing at something in the coffee break (man 30- ish) when we called back into the conference. He said 'hey - we should meet for a drink to carry on the convo'. I declined as have a DH and DC to go home to, but had not given a second thought to my age at that point - I thought we were discussing an obscure point of interpretation of Livy on which we disagreed (Roman writer) and age does not come into it...

I can honestly, honestly say that I have only felt I have come into my own (so to speak) in the last few years.

Looking back over old photos- of which there are very few-I still feel, as I did then, that I was not a looker.

I now, at 37, feel more comfortable with myself than ever and can appreciate my weird looks a little more and with my head held higher than I once did.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not arrogant, I'm not even good looking per se, I'm just used to me now, wrinkles and all.

I still hide from cameras though.

But I do know the feeling of becoming invisible. If I don't work at it and wear makeup and dress nice with heels, I can become invisible - to the point that men, rather than falling all over themselves to hold doors for me - sometimes let them shut in my face.

I'd find that level of rudeness a pretty good filter of men I'd want to give a second look, personally.

catherine I love the man who commented on your shoes. I hope to ALWAYS have great shoes!
I just did my last after-school club run of the week and got a wave plus a cheeky grin from a rather handsome young man in a car, that I let out. It seemed flirty and I was quite chuffed, unless I imagined it, or he was taking the piss!

I have style now and am not afraid

I'm interested to see what I'll look like as an old bird. I'm middle aged now and I'm pleased even given the extreme levels of my vanity

I want to look Sunday Times Style section old.
Not my granny old,

I think I was a bit of a weird teen, gangly and stick insecty. I couldn't make me work or make sense of what I liked wanted to look like. I hated my surprisingly stupidly big tits.
Now I hate my tits and still bemoan my lack of arse but I know how to dress to take advantage of both.

ChickenFajita I work with many powerful, capable older women and I don't see them in this faded, saddo way at all. I admire their dress sense and their skin; I don't see their tummy bulges or chin fuzz. Yet when I look at myself lately, that's all I see - big belly and saggy face. Why do I do it to myself?

At least I did appreciate it while I had it. My teens and twenties were spent in hotpants, mini skirts, tight hipster trousers and crop tops (yes it was the 90s).

My one big regret, looks-wise, is that I didn't keep myself fit. Am starting to work on that now and I can really see the difference it would have made if I'd had a proper exercise regime, instead of relying of 8hrs raving every other weekend

Catherine, I have a "confident "posture too.

At 6ft, with a bad back, I have no choice. Either walk tall or walk like an old lady.

So I end up striding along, Amazon like (well, I do in my own imagination .

One of the things I like about being mid 40s is a renewed appreciation for the good things about my body. i now like being tall (might as well), I like my small boobs (no droopage), I like my big bum (all Kim Katdashianesque), I like my long legs for striding along.

I hate my saggy knees and horrid feet and lines in my decolletage snd puffy eyes in the morning. But I try to think about the positives only!

Everyone has positives, and most men are not Brad Pitt either!

I don't think looks fade. I think they change. And that you can be stunning at any age, although it's true that youth is much more praised in the mainstream media etc. But I find that the most intelligent and interesting men are attracted to older women (and I mean 50+).

The thing is, many people don't need to take care of themselves to look good when they're young (not me: I used to look like a loaf of bread and only started to look better when I learnt how to take proper care of myself as a woman, which also made me feel better and more attractive).

But as you age, you need to keep up the maintenance work. Which needn't be a lot - but you need to keep at it.

I look at the photos of me in my 20s (when I thought I was no great shakes) and I was really pretty. Not beautiful, but genuinely pretty.

Now I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror and think, Fuck, I am getting older and greyer and wrinklier.

My only consolation is that most of my facial bone structure I owe to my grandmother and she aged well.

As a PP said, youth is wasted on the young. And Brave, I do agree about most men!

Also, I think there is a strong cultural component. I live in Spain, where compliments from strangers (which is different from catcalling) and flirting is more common than in other countries. And women who have a more or less "feminine" look - i.e. skirts, dresses, a bit of a heel - are usually complimented throughout their lives. Even old ladies are frequently called "guapa".

Agree with DistanceCall, it's just about embracing a different look.

I actually quite like being 40 and grown-up now. Or maybe I've just finally come into a look that suits me, now that I'm the age I am.

Either way, yes, I can see the additional lines when I smile, and no, I no longer have the flush and glow of a 20 year, but it's OK. You can be beautiful at 40 and 50 and 60, 70 and beyond.

It's just a different sort of beautiful from youthful beauty. The media and the patriarchy will tell you it's an irrelevant beauty, but it's not. I see so many beautiful older women when out and about. I notice them, and I'm sure I can't be the only one.

It does take a bit more maintenance, and I actively go out of my way to stay slim now, but other than that, I'm happy enough with the way I look.

That's a lovely post JapaneseMargaret.

laqueen I agree about clothes and posture......hair makes a massive difference too, I think a good trendy haircut can knock years off.

So interested to read this, as I have spent months feeling old and miserable and dismal. I was once very pretty (according to everyone I knew, and I felt it myself). Now I'm 41, short, skinny and invisible (even if I stand up straight, I'm only five foot tall). It shouldn't make me miserable, but it does.

I'm 46 years old but look years younger ( I still get asked for ID most of the time I buy alcohol ). I also get lots of male attention. BUT I'm ashamed to say that on occasions that I don't get a second glance when I expect to, it bothers me because I see it as the beginning of my descent into invisibility . I know that for a middle aged woman it's an incredibly vain and shallow concern to have. I wish I had the confidence to not give a damn.

:) Maisy.

Posture and confidence are honestly priceless. And good posture both creates and imbues confidence. Winwin, really. If you weren't feeling confident before, sitting and standing tall will make it happen.

And it's free!

Not sure that's totally it LaQueen I know womem who are good lookinb on those lines but are invisible as have absolutely no SA.

Voice is crucial too. A high pitch squeaky Voice like Ann Widdicome is disastrous as is a really thick accent of any type.

You can't underestimate the SA and charm though.

I have a friend who is 77, she still works and looks rather glam. yes, she has wrinkles from too much sun ( she admits that) but last time I saw her in the supermarket she put many younger yummy mummies to shame. She was wearing white linen trousers - smart ones- and a lovely bright fitted cardigan, immaculate make up and nice jewellery- and hair immaculate- good cut and colour.

You've just got to make the best of what you have at any age.

My mum is 87 and nicks my false tan for legs - she likes to go tightless in summer- although her skirts are long-ish.She goes to Bravissimo for bras and raids the Clinique counter for make up.

Age is just a number...

I spent my teenage years battling acne (including a couple of years of regular dermatologist visits) and wearing make up every day, but still not feeling very attractive a lot of the time. Now at 45 I feel much better about my looks (don't break my delusion!). I get the occasional spot and only bother with make up on high days and holidays. Figure not quite what it was but regular running keeps me trim, and I have a good posture from years of horse-riding, and thick curly hair. So far, not too scary! However, I have DSs and no DD - perhaps that helps.