Tell me your honest to god experiences with your newborn

[Mitsufishi]

I am going through hell for the third time around with a newborn.

Everyone says 'sleep when they skeep'. But how? Mine would never sleep, in bed, on me, maybe in a buggy or sling if in constant motion. They all went on to be horrific sleepers so 'this too' did not pass.

My mother says 'all newborns are like that, people who say otherwise are lying'. So it's just me who can't cope then?

Honestly tell me, what was your experience with a newborn. Because I have friends who seem to have had it easy and have seen evidence of it. My mother insists people are lying to show off. But I don't think there's such a fashion for that any more and that actually if anything people often tend to make things sound worse than they are these days rather than the other way around. In any case I've seen friends newborns and babies that effortlessly doze off and wonder a thousand times over what I'm doing wrong.

MIT=might

My second one slept. Couldn't believe it. Kept feeling like I should be doing something but all was quiet.
One and three didn't. Struggled desperately with first and routines did eventually stick around 9 months. With third I moved her into a bed very early and used to just climb in and sleep with her from when she first woke. Too much other stuff going on to miss out on any more sleep than I really had to. Settled shortly after she turned 4.

I BF both of mine and neither went longer than 90 minutes between feeds.
The only way I got ANY sleep was having them in bed next to me and letting them feed on and off through the night.
Midwife told me off having them in bed but I made the choice to do it otherwise would have been ill with no sleep.
So, not easy but loved it and would love to go back and do it all again.

Pistolwhipped that is just bollocks.

Some babies are in pain from colic or reflux, some babies just really need to be physically close to someone all the time, some babies don't need as much sleep etc etc.

Routines might work with some babies but it is complete nonsense that they would work with all babies.

And very damaging/upsetting to poor parents trying to cope with a "difficult" baby.

A word of hope for those with "challenging" babies - karma does operate and in my entirely anecdotal but nonetheless extensive experience of friends' babies, those who were easy babies can often be HARD toddlers ...

Whereas those who were hard babies can often be sunny and relatively speaking reasonable toddlers ....

pistolwhipped what a complete load of utter shite.
And quite worrying that you are stating this shite as if it is fact.
Most parents want a baby that is allowed to develop naturally, not a robot.

Gina Ford? Waking a growing baby from naps? HAHA never heard so much tripe.
ALL species of babies sleep day and night, not just humans. Its NORMAL!

Gina Ford = shudder

DS1 was a nightmare newborn, due to colic and being new parents. He had 40 minute daytime naps ONLY if moving in buggy (couldn't even stop the buggy, so basically did laps round neighbourhood while housework piled up). He didn't sleep through till he was at least 16 months when he also started to have decent daytime naps. At 4 he sleeps really well now!

DS2 was a dream newborn (no colic) but was prone to chucking up (reflux or wind) and couldn't sleep lying down if he needed to burp. So we would hold him upright to burp him ....and of course he got used to going to sleep in our arms! he also decided around 3 months that naps should only last 30 minutes. All made worse by a tiny house and our desperation for him not to wake up other family members. Now he is 1 and can sleep about 8 hours, but not every night! he still needs to be held before he goes to sleep, despite all attempts to reduce this and get him to go to sleep in cot.planning some sleep training for next week....

think my kids are just far too nosy in what is going on around them to give in easily to sleep (and to be fair, I am a rubbish sleeper!)

am absolutely definitely not having any more kids! I have about 2 years of sleep to catch up on!

DD was a terrible sleeper. She fed for long periods (40 minutes plus) and then was very unsettled only to sleep for an hour or two and start again. She found it very difficult to sleep anywhere other than on me. Things got a little bit better when she was able to feed lying down and I dozed through most of it.

DS is ten days old so we're in the thick on it! So far he seems to have his best sleeps during the day (up to 5 hours) and then spends all night eating. The most he has slept at night is 1.5 hours.

Bazil, Gina has created for me a baby who, at four months old, slept from 7-7 (waking only once for a quick bottle feed); self-settled; laughed going upstairs for her nap as she had learnt - from the age of seven weeks - that her cot and its toys were a warm, comforting and lovely place to be; is eating like a trouper whilst being weaned at six months and is the brightest and most contented baby you could wish to meet. I am massively grateful to GF. Good hard common sense and the nerve to tell mums to Put The Sodding Baby Down.

I am sorry you feel so anguished at the thought of waking a baby from its nap; I can only tell you how happy my tot is. Of course a poorly baby is not going to respond to the implementation of a routine and no-one advocates that for a baby in pain needing his mum to hold him upright etc. However, generally speaking, there is no excuse for a baby of a certain age waking multiple times throughout the night. What you have there is a baby who has developed unfortunate sleep associations (needs a breast or co-sleeping with mum for comfort). Either that, or your baby has not learned to distinguish day from night and ergo attempts to meet all his nutritional needs throughout the night

dd is not quite six weeks, so my experience is limited, but she has been a good night sleeper (had 5.5 and 6 hour stretches in the last couple of days which is so much better than I was expecting for a bf baby!) but a bad daytime sleeper. she'll sometimes fall asleep on me, the sling, or pram, but start screaming after about five minutes in her Moses basket. But since the nights are good I am happy! I think in the daytime she's just nosy and doesn't want to miss anything going on.

Both mine slept by around 3 to 4 months, Gina ford wasnt around at the time, but we very much followed a routine. And they were left to cry it out. honestly they pretty soon settled into it. it was frowned upon to rock or let a baby fall asleep on you as it was considered a bad habit that was a rod for your own back (my mothers words) . Dinner at 5. bath at 6 then wind down and stories, music then into bed at 7 and left to go to sleep by themselves , in their own rooms . That was just what we did. maybe I was lucky but it worked for us

DS was a good sleeper AFTER 12 weeks

Before then, he was difficult to settle. And between 5 and 9 weeks old he would scream non stop for 4 hours every evening.

Very very tight swaddle for sleep and DH doing squats with DS in his arms to get him to sleep was all that would work. And being very very strict about getting him down for a sleep as soon as I saw signs of tiredness.

But he would not effortless doze off before 12 weeks. No way.

I didn't follow Gina Ford method (but I did read the book) - but during the very screamy period I started doing a bath bedtime routine (for my own sake, to feel like I was doing something rather than just jiggling a howling baby) and putting him down for naps in his own room or in pram with blackout blind. Rather than just letting him doze on me/fall asleep wherever. And in the months ahead working really really REALLY hard on the self-settling.

Obviously I am lucky that it worked with DS' personality but I do think that a routine helped massively.

Goodness me, I am not going to even begin writing all the reasons why adhering to Ford's advice may be damaging for babies, if you do a bit of research you will find out yourself.
If you want to know what physiologically happens when a baby is left to cry it out I recommend reading Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby's Brain by Sue Gerhardt.

My DD fed every two hours til a year old. EBF , then woke several times every night til 18 months Only way to get her to nap in the day was to walk with her but she hated being in the pushchair when awake and would thrash and scream.
Oddly she wasn't really a clingy baby, hated being held unless feeding and would literally fling herself away from me when she was done feeding. OH out of the house 7am til 7pm. I cried a lot
DD now a very cuddly 3.5 year old a generally a very good sleeper unless ill.
I'm 4 weeks away from having DD2 and am panicking about how to cope with the complete lack of sleep and a toddler.

Your mum is wrong. Some newborn sleeps a lot. Mine did. I had a lot of time sleeping during the day. Or cooking. What DD didn't like was being taken to baby groups. She would cry and cry. She also didn't like the pram.

And I remember I got so frustrated with the EASY from the baby whisperer. Mine went from ESESES for many quite a few months before being awake for activities. I was so afraid of negative association ot feeding to sleep. But she just eat, sleep, eat, sleep and did nothing. She also slept through before 3mo despite EBF (which supposedly is bad for sleepiing through).

at pistol

Just you wait til the books don't work with your child any more. It's great that GF worked for you but it isn't universal as babies are different and they all grow into different children and adults.

You can't treat any one being the same and you just need to do what works for your child. Its working out what works that's the tricky bit.

I am with you! My DS (only child) is 13 mo and only now do I think things are getting 'easier'. I look back at the first 7 months as hell. DP and I are thinking of TTC #2 and if we could we would get one delivered at 1 yo!! I was totally unprepared for a newborn. But mine was hard as we had a difficult/traumatic labour where he contracted strep B and I will poorly after too. He then had undiagnosed tongue tie for the first 6 weeks so went through hell and back trying to BF. He then got diagnosed with silent reflux. He literally didnt sleep for more than 1.5 hours for 7 months and cried a lot. It was torture and I hit rock bottom (had a near shaking incident). As soon as we established solids and he was sitting up he was a different baby. My happy little chap that I have now started to shine. I personally think that a lot of people put a brave face on it but when I have shown some honesty to some about DS not sleeping etc then I found that people would open up back about their experiences. A lot of what you see on the surface/facebook etc is not always the true story. We also do not live near any family and I really think that if they were nearer it would have been more manageable as we could of had some respite/more sleep! I hope things improve for you but just know you are definitely not alone!!

If you want to know what physiologically happens when a baby is left to cry it out I recommend reading Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby's Brain by Sue Gerhardt.

Yes, but if you want to know what psychologically happens to a depressed mum who hasn't been able to put her baby down for nine months and who hasn't slept more than a three-hour stretch at any one time since the birth then I recommend you, Bazil read: 'Why Routine Matters: How sleeping Well and Learning to Self-Soothe Creates Happy Babies And Keeps Mum's Head Out Of The Oven'.

Seriously, this pseudo-scientific nonsense spouted by Attachment Parent gurus are merely attempts to convince suicidal mums that their perpetually-screaming tot, who won't be held by anyone else and won't feed properly during the day but cluster feeds all night long, that their baby is 'normal'. It isn't. Babies want to sleep and eat properly and be able to go back to sleep without mum's breast as quickly as possible. Anything else (rocking to sleep/breast suckling to sleep/co-sleeping) is accidental parenting. Put the work in and you'll get results.

...and for anyone in any doubt: CRYING IT OUT OR 'CRYING DOWN' IS NOT ABUSE. NO-ONE ADVOCATES THAT BABIES SHOULD BE LEFT TO BECOME DISTRESSED. There is a time limit of seven minutes in Gina's book for letting a baby cry and there is a caveat: mum has to be absolutely sure that baby is not hungry/in pain/in need of winding/wet before she can put into practice 'crying down'.

Farmyard, as far as I am concerned, the book is already a success. It has succeeded at getting my soon-to-be-six-month-old baby to be a contented, sleeping-through-the-night, happy little girl. I could not be more thrilled with how she is turning out. It has nothing to do with genes and everything to do with hard work and perseverance.

OP, read Marc Weissbluth M.D's Go-To-Sleep Methods and Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and not some cultish guru crap written by women whose idea of abuse is putting their baby down.

If there was any truth in the theory that leaving a baby to cry for short periods was psychologically damaging none of you would ever strap your tot into the back seat of a car and go onto the motorway.