Tell me your honest to god experiences with your newborn

[Mitsufishi]

I am going through hell for the third time around with a newborn.

Everyone says 'sleep when they skeep'. But how? Mine would never sleep, in bed, on me, maybe in a buggy or sling if in constant motion. They all went on to be horrific sleepers so 'this too' did not pass.

My mother says 'all newborns are like that, people who say otherwise are lying'. So it's just me who can't cope then?

Honestly tell me, what was your experience with a newborn. Because I have friends who seem to have had it easy and have seen evidence of it. My mother insists people are lying to show off. But I don't think there's such a fashion for that any more and that actually if anything people often tend to make things sound worse than they are these days rather than the other way around. In any case I've seen friends newborns and babies that effortlessly doze off and wonder a thousand times over what I'm doing wrong.

For goodness' sake, why on Earth didn't you tell us your baby was a low birth weight? Gina Ford is vociferous in her insistence that a baby needs to be at a certain weight before you should even try implementing portions of her routine. Read the damn book. I am sick and tired of being vilified for my suggestions, quite frankly. I still maintain you should go and see your HV if the baby is vomiting after every feed.

OP, why have you asked me directly what to do about certain aspects of the GF routine when your baby is clearly not of a weight to be able to cope with it?

pistol didn't it occur to you to ask before dishing out such dangerous advice?

She actually is now at the weight to cope with it. But regardless, I was jusr asking your experiences.

Also you aren't making suggestions. You are making insistences.

'Gina Ford really worked for me, have you tried xyz?' - suggestion

'mothers are needlessly suffering everywhere because they refuse to do exactly as I did' - you

My baby isn't vomiting after every feed, just when I force her to eat more than she can take.

If you are worried about feeding Mitsufishi, please see someone in real life. But you say you weren't until you started being told you should compel longer feeds and stretch to three hours. Neither of those things are necessary or helpful. Many babies feed more frequently even than two hours in the early days. Not that I believe birth weight means that they can automatically go longer, but my DS was nearly 4 pounds bigger than your daughter, and he often only went 1.5 hours in the first couple of months.

Hope you have a good day today. Maybe focus on trying to get her to nap (sling, buggy, whatever) within 90 minutes of when she got up for the day and see if that helps her not to get overtired and 'wired'.

Combust, do read the whole thread, dear. I have suggested nothing dangerous for a baby who meets the requirements of attempting a routine and never believed, from the OP, that we were talking about a baby born with a low birth weight. I am sorry you have become upset, OP, and I will gladly bow out from the discussion. However, I have never said women are suffering because they are not doing as I do. What I have been adamant about throughout this thread is that there are options out there if you want to sleep train your baby. The miserable mums are the ones, in my experience, who are told to suck it up; that this is what they signed up for; that relentless sleep deprivation is normal; that multiple night wakings are par for the course; that it is abnormal to try to 'force' a a baby into a routine.

I said right at the beginning that GF carries with it certain caveats. I refuse to keep repeating myself when the book is out there to purchase. If you don't like Gina then do read Weissbluth's stuff. How will you know if you don't research around baby's sleep rhythms? All I am saying is don't believe everything you are told by AP mums or mothers who have tried routines and failed. They can be very scathing and judgemental.

OP, here is Weissbluth's book. It really is excellent.

I can only give my own experiences and this might be different for someone who finds unpredictability frightening or who is so exhausted they are going to have a breakdown.

But for me being led by the baby was the best thing to do, for the following reasons:

• I believe I developed greater attunement to my children by really trying to listen to what they were telling me rather than getting them to fit into my mould. This in turn made the job of mothering them more laid back and less stressful, I felt I confident that I could understand my children. I don't remember my kids ever howling or crying that much, I felt I always knew what to do with them. Sorry if this comes across as boastful. I think had I tried to squeeze them into a routine I would have lost that confidence in my own sensitivities to them and I would have been handing control over to a routine set out in a book.

• yes it is tiring when the baby doesn't sleep at night, but on the other hand breastfeeding gives you a big shot of oxytocin every time you do it, to help keep you calm and relaxed enough to mother the baby. I stopped bfing mine at 12 and 15 mths and I really noticed it was harder to keep calm and relaxed without the bfing.

• my children weren't that unpredictable anyway. They would wake up, have some milk, and be alert for a bit. After some time they would rub their eyes and I would know it was time for another little feed and then back to sleep. There wasn't much to it really. They were very portable, slept in the pram and car if they needed to, if they were out I fed them. I just carried on with my life and had a lovely maternity leave with loads of other mums enjoying coffees and cakes and baby cinemas etc.

on the other hand breastfeeding gives you a big shot of oxytocin every time you do it, to help keep you calm and relaxed enough to mother the baby. Sorry, but I have a wry grin on my face here. That is not the experience of many a mother and your whole post sounds a little like an advert for Kellymom. I feel it's a little patronising, too, to come here and suggest that if we only listened to our babies a little more, you know...to really attune ourselves..then we could all forego those nasty little routines and go and have cuppas and cakes with our mates at the cinema.

Oh belt up, Pistol. You are starting to sound a bit barking.

Having another bad day, Dilys?

This is straying into goading territory now.

Pistol back off bumps was just relaying what worked for her, making it clear that it was her own experience.

How is it going today Mitsufishi? I slept badly (not the baby's fault) have hit The Wall and am surviving on chocolate and diet coke. Thank fuck it is Friday.

Mitsufishi, you may not like to admit this, but both Bumps and I have been equally zealous about our parenting methods; we have merely used different posting styles. Read Bump's post again and you will see she is just as fervent and indeed boastful but because she doesn't allude to Gina or routines you are more than happy to hear it.

Abbie, where have you come from and why are you talking rubbish? If you had read the whole thread you would see that Dylis has in fact told me to 'fuck off' and 'belt up'. And you accuse me of being goady

Pistol, do you really not realise how dogmatic, patronising and quite frankly fucking rude you are being on this thread? Seriously, how can you actually seriously think you are helping? You're obviously not helping the OP, she has asked you to stop on at least two separate occasions.

Quite a number of us think Gina Ford is

The crucial bit of bumps post is that she has said for me this was the best way. Tht is the difference between hers and yours.

Thank you yes

penguin bad day for me too. Slept badly as well and woken up with a cold and feel like crap. This baby just will not nap! Last thing I wanted to do was pound about out with the sling! Good thinking re diet coke.

Oh dear. Other than a poo explosion my problems were big kid and domestic disaster related. But I feel your pain.

Hope the pre-school and school stuff is going ok. Mine are wiped out and slumped in front of the telly.

Dear god I wish I had telly!!! Baby has done a wee on the bed and I am just staring at the sheet willing it to strip and wash itself!

Ack, how much was it. Can you just change the sheet and leave the rest? (or, shock, did you make the bed first and the baby did the wee on the duvet cover?)

I could not survive without telly. You are very brave!

RudeActually, from your profane and insane apoplectic posting style I can only assume you are another one of the merry band of mummies from the 'Up All Night Feeding But 'Cos There's Loads Of Us We Can Tell Ourselves It's 'Normal'' thread. Do clam down, dear.

Oh, and before any more of your cohort come steaming into this thread with your anti-routine vitriol, remember this: bullying is not tolerated on Mumsnet, and it is I who will be reporting next time.

It's not a cult Pistol'

Actually Mitsufishi, i do have some advice - get a TV

Pistol, more fool you, my DC are far too old for me to be up in the night, but please, feel free to report away.

And actually, my DC had a routine which worked well for us but I don't go round forcing it down peoples throats and making a complete dick of myself.

Maybe you should fuck off to netmums, you will probably feel right at home. And while you're about it, educate yourself as to why Gina Ford isn't usually endorsed on mumsnet, you're really making yourself look a complete cock.

The report button is top right by the way.