To not understand why some parents give their child a horrible or embarrassing surname?

[carbarella]

Just because it happens to be the dad's surname? Why don't they just use the mum's surname instead?

Someone that I know is currently pregnant. Her DP has an awful surname, and she is worrying herself silly about her child getting teased at school, they are constantly trying to think of first names that go with the surname and don't sound awful with it. She has a nice surname; I don't understand why they don't just give that to the baby instead.

There is a girl in DD's class at school with a really horrible surname, that sounds like a word you would use as a huge insult to someone. She gets the mickey taken out of her because of it, and hates it. I don't understand why in that case the parents didn't just use the mum's surname for their children?

Why is the mentality always that the baby has to have the father's surname?

Whenever I see Tyson Gay on tv, i may guess the reason why he runs so fast...

My surname isn't even that bad but no way was I passing it on to DC's.

I actually don't mind it for myself now and would probably keep it if I ever marry unlikely. I was teased a lot when younger though and knew I'd never saddle a child with the same torment.

Trouble is that now I have 2dc's with different fathers surnames and me with my own surname so I do sometimes get face from certain people.

I'm quite smug that I inherited a lovely surname but my maiden name was nice ( not quite as nice ) and I would have kept that when I married and given it to my children , some names are so awful aren't they .

I think often it's the adults who worry about it much more than children.

I know someone with the surname cockburn. He said no one even bought it up until he started secondary school, someone then said something like 'is that really your name?'. He said yes and that's the last he heard of it. Until he started work as an adult...

Adults are much more uneasy with these types of surnames than chn.

And as someone's already said; bullys bully. At school there was a girl with the surname Hill who was rather large (and a bit of a victim), she would have had more name teasing than someone called Dix!

Not bad Surnames but I used to know a Wayne Kerr e answered to wanker, brother wirked eith a Wayne King, when they wete born wank was not a commin word to use.

The other day I heard of someone with the name Wets, I thought bet he got called wets a bed at school.

I went to school with a Crapper.
He got teased. I agree that bullies bully regardless but why set your kid up for years of avoidable teasing when you don't have to? My surname is unusual and a common noun so it was used endlessly in puns, or a variety of 'hilarious' contexts at school. Not really bullying as usually not malicious but totally exhausting and unfunny and left me with a strong desire to change it until I got to university and realised it wasn't an issue in the grown up world.

I don't think anyone should feel they have to change their surname on marriage, or give the kids thy dad's surname, let alone to something a bit snigger-inducing, but I know that tradition matters more to some people than it does to me!

Our DD has my surname, and next DC will have DH's surname (keeping it equitable) - I think the era of "everyone in the family has to have the same surname" has passed. Neither is a bully-able surname though, we might have decided on a different approach if they were...

(I also agree that although kids can be cruel it's very much over-thought by parents. Bullies will always find something to pick on, a good defence is not about helping kids to blend into the background.)

yabu
maybe they are a different nationality where they have no choice?
we could chose between my boring name and dh's boring name as 'family name and chose dh's as it's a teeny bit nicer imo.

I had a colleague in the states called John. A. Wanker.

No way I'd give mine a horrible or embarrassing surname. Life is hard enough. People judge.

I have mates who changed their cock, bottom, Pugh or other embarrassing surnames by deed poll.

I had an very unusual and bullyable (?) surname before marriage. There's only a handful of people with the same surname and they mostly live in the north-east, whereas I grew up in the south-east. I was also bullied a couple of times at school, for months at a time. However, neither bullying incident was about my surname. I never even thought about my surname when I was at school and it only became noteworthy when I started getting comments on it from other adults when I started work. By then, I was quite proud of it, and I used it to identify the twats. I also have two sisters, both of whom changed their surname as soon as they could, to something bland.

I had a client whos last name was Bumsuc .The whole office turned into ten year olds over his name .
No i wouldnt do it to a child easily avoided now.
I often wonder do Jennifer Elison kids go by her DH Tickle last name.

Well, putting aside the fact that as a child it might be embarrassing to be a Barsterd, as soon as the child is an adult they'll realise it's a cool name (and I personally would always invite someone to interview who had the surname Barsterd on their CV. i'm sure I'm not the only one) Really, only 'B' first names won't 'go'.

No, she doesn't need to give the DCs her DP's surname. My view is if a man wants to get stressed about "tradition" and having the same surname as his DCs, then he should be stressed about tradition enough to only have DCs with a woman he's married to who has also agreed to change her name on marriage. Children should have the same surname as their mother IMO, if that's also the father's surname, then the mother's surname needs to be the same as the fathers.

However, surnames, while might be 'character building' are a lovely tradition that show your family history and link you with the past (be that your fathers or your mothers family past).

Iffy surnames undermine children from a young age and (from observation) can seriously affect their life chances later on. There's no way I would saddle my child with being the latest in the Twatface line if a better alternative was available.

I worked at qvc years ago and a man rang to order something and when he confirmed his details he was called Mr bastad.
He, however said in the poshest voice imaginable " my name is captain b'stard"
I had to put him on hold for a second to practise how I was going to say that back to him in my scouse accent! It just didn't sound right however I said it:)
Definitely one for the deed poll.

I have a pretty weird surname (fruit-related, my username gives it away) and hated it when I was a child. I've gotten over it now but people still comment all the bloody time, including on a business call yesterday afternoon . When I was 18, a man approached me at my desk after having combed the office to find me. He had seen my name in the online directory and felt compelled to tell me that I have a "porn star name". Really? A middle aged man prowling the building to tell an 18 year old that? Now when people say, "oh, that's such a great name!" I say, "thanks, it was a birthday present..."

I've mostly made my peace with it but I look forward to taking DP's name in a couple of years!

My FiL's birth surname was Drinkwater. He was adopted as a baby, by a family with an unremarkable surname. He discovered that he was adopted when he was 14yo in dramatic circumstances. He continued to use his adoptive surname, married, had a son, decades passed. He then started nagging his son to change surname back to Drinkwater, although he wasn't proposing to make the change himself. My DH refused to rename himself Drinkwater. When my FiL died we discovered he had disinherited my DH. We assume because of this refusal to use the genetic surname instead of the adoptive surname. Names are a very powerful, emotive tribal marker. I often think mumsnet posters underestimate the power and importance of surnames passing down through the generations. (To finish our story my DH's Drinkwater cousins are such lovely people that they did a deed of variation on the will.)
But I am bloody glad that DH did not agree to change. I and my children would not have enjoyed all the jokes that the name Drinkwater would have inspired. We are a territorial army family, so the jokes would have been endless from our military friends.

This seems all very sad to me. These unusual names are part of our cultural heritage and in time, perhaps not quickly enough for some, fashions will change again. How is it OK for people from one part of the country to make fun of names which predominantly occur in another ?

Agreed 100%. I was mightily surprised when a girl I knew at school got married and took his surname- Cockshut. She had a very sensible common maiden name (think Brown) so I just remember thinking why oh why would you change it to that? Worse still when they had a baby this year and gave the baby the surname too.

I remember a teacher getting married and taking the surname Dixon, that surname doesn't seem so bad to me now as an adult but then as stupid kids we all found it hilarious. Yes kids will always find a reason to bully someone if they really want to but by giving your kid a ridiculous name you're basically handing them a reason IMO.

Iffy surnames undermine children from a young age and (from observation) can seriously affect their life chances later on.

Absolutely. A dodgy name, first or last, is utterly shit for the child. All this spouting "bully's will bully anyway" is totally unhelpful for that poor child. It's not just traditional bullying, it's the endless jokes, the "good natured teasing" the pause for a snigger when you say your name. All utterly shit and I don't understand why people do it to their child. (Mr & Mrs Capone, I'm looking at you!)

I grew up in Wales, where my (normal in England) surname means arse in Welsh. It did bother me a lot in primary school but I think adults could have dealt with it better, taught me to laugh it off and not take myself too seriously instead of reacting in a "this is terrible bullying" kind of way. I do think though that if DH had a dodgy surname, I'd have wanted to give the children mine. He wouldn't have wanted to though and they'd probably have ended up with his name as a middle name. I have to say that I would have been bothered by the assumption that he wasn't the children's dad that would probably have resulted from them having my name. I didn't change my name at first on marriage b ut did eventually because I was a lot more bothered than I thought by the assumption that we weren't married.

I know a family with a dodgy surname who gave the children the dad's first name as a surname. I know another who picked a completely new surname for each of their children, nobody had the same surname.

How is it OK for people from one part of the country to make fun of names which predominantly occur in another ?

Has anyone said it is OK? It is still crap growing up with a comedy name whether it is popular in another part of the country or not.

Ok just name changed for this, hopefully. I took my dh surname, wilcocks, spelt with the cock and everything, partly because my maiden name wasn't much better. Would you actually advise me to change it by deed poll for my daughters? And would changing the spelling to Wilcox be sufficient, or would children still bully as it sounds like it has a cock in it?