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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I BU or was he? New bloke related

84 replies

Scarletohello · 08/09/2014 14:06

So I've been seeing a new guy for a couple of weeks. He stayed over at the weekend and during the night I was finding it very hard to sleep as he was snoring and wheezing and talking in his sleep. So I went to sleep in another room. He was a bit annoyed about it and said he almost went home but didn't. So he stayed on the Sunday but the same thing happened again. I was lying in bed wide awake in the middle of the night listening to him snore and eventually went to sleep in another room. I got up this morning and he had left without saying goodbye. I know he didn't have to get up early for work and he hasn't texted me since. I think his behaviour is quite childish and passive aggressive but was what I did rude...?

Need some advice as don't know how to play this now...

OP posts:

Username12345 · 08/09/2014 14:08

Don't think it was rude, espec. if you're a light sleeper and it keeps you up.

But how do you plan to deal with it long term?

Original poster

Scarletohello · 08/09/2014 14:09

Earplugs!

But tbh if he is going to take this so personally I'm not sure I want there to be a next time.

OP posts:

yellowdinosauragain · 08/09/2014 14:11

I think he's being a twat. You are not unreasonable to not want disturbed sleep. I'd be inclined to leave it and see what he's got to say for himself when he gets in touch. But be clear that if he's not happy for you to move rooms if you can't sleep he needn't bother staying.

SunsineAndRainbows · 08/09/2014 14:11

YANBU - I struggle so hard to sleep if I can hear someone snoring or breathing loudly, Surely you shouldn't be expected to not sleep the whole night.

After speaking to him the Sunday did he not see it from your point of view at all, that you couldn't sleep so went in the other room?

I think he's being a bit childish by leaving without saying goodbye.

rainbowinmyroom · 08/09/2014 14:12

It should be nothing but fun a couple of weeks in. Not hard work in any way.

So go have fun, without him.

Fudgeface123 · 08/09/2014 14:12

Yup, he sounds like child. I know it sounds harsh but I feel like calling it a day with my O/H, I haven't had an undisturbed nights sleep in almost 7.5 years! I can hear him from the spare room

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 08/09/2014 14:13

His snoring/talking/wheezing kept YOU awake and he is annoyed you went into the other room? He said he 'almost went home', then the second night did go home... leave him there! If he's this rude, inconsiderate and stompy after a few dates, can you imagine what he'll be like once he's got his feet properly under the table.

He's telling you who he is - listen.

upthedamnwotsit · 08/09/2014 14:13

Not rude imo. Leaving without saying anything and getting in a strop is an unwarranted reaction. Imagine how would he have felt if you'd reacted to his noises by throwing a tizz and then chucking him out without a word.

Did he say why he was annoyed? Did he expect you to just lie there or does he not think he makes much noise?

The fact that he almost called off your weekend together after the first night you went to sleep elsewhere is ridiculous.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 08/09/2014 14:14

If you had explained to him that you moved because you weren't able to sleep then he's being a baby and leaving without saying goodbye is as you say passive aggressive. Tbh you've only been seeing him a couple of weeks it's way to early to be having to resolve issues.

I would just leave him to his sulk

LumpenproletariatAndProud · 08/09/2014 14:15

So he expected you to lay there, wide awake all night unable to sleep to avoid hurting his big fat ego?

Fuck that shit.

moxon · 08/09/2014 14:16

He's telling you who he is - listen.
This. What lattelover said.

LittlePeaPod · 08/09/2014 14:17

He spat his dummy out and walked out because you had to move to another room to get some sleep because of his snoring etc.?

If he gets into such a strop about this after a couple of weeks can you imagine what he will be like after a few months or a year? He sounds like a nightmare. Personally I would cut my losses but its not my relationship.

YANBU, he is BVVU.

antimatter · 08/09/2014 14:18

He is telling you "is my way or no way"
my ecbf used to go to sleep to different room as he was snoring, at my suggestion

NewEraNewMindset · 08/09/2014 14:21

He is insulted by you leaving the room to sleep because of something he does in his sleep that is out of his control. I can understand why he might be upset, but not angry at you no.

My oh and I sleep separately as he has insomnia and tosses and turns from 3am onwards. One morning i was so tired from his nighttime madness that I got slightly hysterical and moved into the spare room. Now he sleeps better because he is not worried about waking me and I sleep better because I'm not on edge. But no one is cross or angry. It's just life.

I would ignore him until he decides to get in contact and then see what he says. This is absolutely not your fault.

Original poster

Scarletohello · 08/09/2014 14:25

Thanks for all your messages, you've all confirmed what I was already thinking. 'Its my way or no way' sounds about right. It's definitely sending me a message and it's a concerning one. I think he was offended and doesn't realise he makes noises in his sleep. He's the sort of person who doesn't like to be told what to do and has already told me to shut up and let him talk. ( he talks much more than me and in fact interrupts me a lot)

Red flag..?

OP posts:

LittlePeaPod · 08/09/2014 14:27

His told you to shut up and let him talk in a few weeks of dating and now this.

Get the hell out of there Op and move on.. Run for the hills!

yellowdinosauragain · 08/09/2014 14:27

I repeat, he's a twat. Your last post simply confirms it

PedlarsSpanner · 08/09/2014 14:32

Yes red flags

Get rid

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 08/09/2014 14:33

Honestly it's been two weeks and he's already been a tosser don't waste anymore of your time, he's not going to get better.

BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 08/09/2014 14:35

You're better off out of it by the sounds of it

YouTheCat · 08/09/2014 14:37

2 weeks in? No way.

When dp and I got together we were both up all night but no one was snoring.

If you aren't enjoying the relationship after 2 weeks, there is no hope.

SaucyJack · 08/09/2014 14:38

You're better off out of it by the sounds of it
------/
Was that pun intended?

Frontier · 08/09/2014 14:42

I can kind of see his point - 2 weeks in staying in bed with him should be more important to you than getting your full 8 hours but him sulking about it and (especially) telling you shut up are both red flags IMO.

rainbowinmyroom · 08/09/2014 14:44

Fuck him off.

Dump by text just to get rid.

'You're a twat who talks too much and even carries on in sleep. I can't be arsed. I'm off. Don't contact me again.'

rainbowinmyroom · 08/09/2014 14:45

He doesn't have a point. He's a twat. Dump.

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