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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get fed up at people asking when we are going to have kids?

85 replies

MetallicInk · 07/09/2014 21:33

Just that really.

Recently we got married but feel like everyone thinks it's ok to ask when we are going to start a family.

They don't know that we have been trying for a few months in secret because we are trying to keep the pressure off, but feel like it's constantly up for discussion Confused

AIBU?

OP posts:
LokiBear · 07/09/2014 21:35

No you are not. I'd like to tell you it gets better but people keep asking me when I'm having a second baby now that my DD is three. Very annoying, intrusive and rude.

FinnsMum19 · 07/09/2014 21:35

Nope not at all, this really pisses me off! I have a 4 year old DS and everyone thinks they have a right to tell me he needs a brother or sister, and asking when we're planning to have another one. What they don't know is that we've been trying for a year and I've had 3 consecutive miscarriages!! I'm currently 4 weeks pregnant again and praying this one sticks, but no, YANBU.

ohfourfoxache · 07/09/2014 21:36

Ya but at all

Sadly many people seem to think that it's acceptable to ask such ridiculously personal questions

deakymom · 07/09/2014 21:36

yanbu i wish people would stop doing this mind you we have three and people still ask when we are having more its common knowledge my DH has had a vasectomy but they still ask even his mother asks and she drove him to the flipping hospital! some people have more mouth than sense Flowers

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/09/2014 21:37

It's just small talk. They probably don't care that much. Just say "we'll see" or something vague like that.

Trills · 07/09/2014 21:38

Nope.

People think it's an innocent piece of small talk, but rephrased it is really please tell me about your sex life, use of contraception, and fertility.

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/09/2014 21:38

Just say "never".

I also got married recently and have found the amount of people making references to me now having a baby pronto has exploded.

Even people who have children but have never married themselves. I can't work that one out at all. They of all people should be less likely to think marriage = babies?!

As always though, my younger sibling is the most keen for me to have a baby. Has plans you see, that involve my hypothetical child. I don't mind that so much, said sibling is only 18.

RedRoom · 07/09/2014 21:42

Say you are in no hurry because you want to have some time together as newly weds first. Repeat and repeat. Some people aren't exactly blessed with emotional intelligence: they don't have any boundaries when it comes to 'small talk'. Your fertility is discussed alongside the weather!

Original poster
MetallicInk · 07/09/2014 21:44

Aw thank you was starting to think I was completely blowing it out of proportion.

Oo fingers crossed for you Finnsmum

Trills I might remember that lol and ask them which bit is it they would like to hear about. The contraception or the shagging.

My dh has been telling people he's just enjoying the practising Wink

OP posts:
Jelliebabe2 · 07/09/2014 21:44

Haa! Try being married for 10 years and no appearance! To be fair I only now get this when I meet new people. If they do ask I just say "that's a very personal question don't you think?!?!?". Gearing up for ivf number 2. Fingers crossed!

Original poster
MetallicInk · 07/09/2014 21:46

I bought a mini. Do you think "sorry have you seen the size of the car" would work
(Ignoring of course the hours I spent lurking on here to see what car seats would fit)

OP posts:
Original poster
MetallicInk · 07/09/2014 21:47

Fingers crossed jelliebabe xx

OP posts:
chucklingbunny · 07/09/2014 21:49

YANBU at all! These type of comments really piss me off and used to drive me up the wall when I was trying to get pregnant, had a miscarriage then years of fertility treatment. Even without any problems though, it really is no one else's business and that is what I would say if I were you. Either that or "We don't want children" that'll shut them up!!

squoosh · 07/09/2014 21:51

Tell them that you'd planned to have kids but after meeting their children you'd changed your mind.

Original poster
MetallicInk · 07/09/2014 21:52

I'm so scared of jinxing things (now that is daft I know) that I can't bring myself to say never.

Might have to resort to. "Erm we are still thinking it all through but how exactly is your sex life? Getting any?"

OP posts:
Original poster
MetallicInk · 07/09/2014 21:52

Squoosh I LOVE that Smile

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 07/09/2014 21:53

As it is, like you, my DH and I are quietly trying.

Maybe we should respond "well we're shagging like rabbits so we'll let you know"?

BikeRunSki · 07/09/2014 21:55

Ime they stop asking when you are 35. I stunned them all by having my dc at 37 and 40.

KeithTheCat · 07/09/2014 21:55

YA-absolutely -NBU. I had a mc the week before my wedding and had constant "soooo, when are you two going to have a other baby?" and "I bet there will be another baby here by the end of the year"

still tryin' 10 months later.

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/09/2014 21:56

Oh keith that must have been hard! Thanks

KeithTheCat · 07/09/2014 22:00

my lovely cousin made the 'baby at the end of the year' comment at the end of the wedding when she was a bit drunk, I now feel like I can never tell her about the mc cause she'll be mortified. at the time I just laughed along and said "I hope so!"

NumberOneFan · 07/09/2014 22:02

YANBU Someone wrote in our wedding card "Looking forward to the pitta patter of tiny feet" Bless him, nice guy, but I did think Jeez give us a bloody chance! Shock

madamemuddle · 07/09/2014 22:02

YANBU

My best friend asked me incessantly if I was pregnant. Sad thing is, I was older and we weren't having any success. I really wanted to thump her. In the end, I had to tell her to change the record.

We never did manage it and now I'm too old. Sad

RedRoom · 07/09/2014 22:02

Or, if you really want to leave them speechless, say 'No plans to. As newlyweds, we are at it a couple of times a day, and that won't happen with kids.' Then leave them to ponder their own sex lives.

chucklingbunny · 07/09/2014 22:04

Grin squoosh