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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it unbearably irritating that my DH´s mother still insists on buying him underpants at every opportunity??

105 replies

savebraveted · 07/09/2014 17:19

This drives me mad on so many levels: He is a 41 year old man, she needs to let go! I think it´s a very intimate thing - and at the very least I should be buying them or preferably, he should be buying them himself. She really does not like to let any of her children spread their wings and I feel like this is symbolic - "he is still a child, my child, and I will still mother him and poke my nose into his intimate business…! Literally every birthday, christmas, special occasion.

AARRRRGGHHH

OP posts:
Catsmamma · 07/09/2014 19:23

it's my mother that does that....she is obsessed with pants.

oddly she doesn't buy any for me...just the children and dh. Will we cover this in Week 2 of Freudian School! :o

Kundry · 07/09/2014 19:28

Even if it is common, it would irritate me enormously - there's an age where you are old enough to buy your own pants!

It does feel v intimate as well - like she knows his crotch better than you do. What about 'Oh no, DH prefers boxers as he likes the feel of them when I insert excruciating sexual reference of your choice'

Either she'll give up in mortification, or carry on and you will know for certain she is trying to prevent you from corrupting her innocent boy.

diddl · 07/09/2014 19:35

Intimate??

Howso-is she putting them on him?

I can't see a problem tbh.

hamptoncourt · 07/09/2014 19:38

My DM used to complain bitterly that my DBs girlfriend "didn't wash his pants properly!!"

rembrandtsrockchick · 07/09/2014 19:41

It sounds like the pants are just a symptom of a far bigger problem. Pants as gifts are not a problem but when combined with other possessive, territorial claims it certainly is...a problem that is.

poolomoomon · 07/09/2014 19:41

Men's boxers are just different aren't they. It'd be weird to me if my mum was buying me knickers and bras still, or my Nan for that matter... Bridget Jones style for sure. But I don't find it weird at all that mil would buy DH boxer shorts. It's just one of those boring useful gifts that people get men, much like socks. My Nan has always bought my dad and uncle undies, always. It's just really normal.

You don't think of men's underwear as being intimate or anything really, do you? Is that just me? It's not remotely sexy.

StackladysMorphicResonator · 07/09/2014 19:41

I would LOVE it if MIL bought DH pants, then I wouldn't have to! Although my MIL is lovely and not weird or possessive over DH.

OP, I'd let it go - save your ire for more irritating things (which I am sure are manifold based on your posts!).

Deep breaths and gin.

AtiaoftheJulii · 07/09/2014 19:42

Blimey, would never have guessed this was so common! My MIL definitely doesn't buy dh's pants. Ffs, I don't buy my 13 year old son's pants. Might very very occasionally buy dh pants if I saw ones he'd like.

I would certainly be Hmm if any of our parents gave dh pants, especially if it were just randomly, not as a gift, so no, yanbu.

Artandco · 07/09/2014 19:46

It's a generation thing I think.

My mother and mil both get their shocked faces out if ds's open stockings at Xmas and no pants appear! They don't seem to understand that we just buy them pants as they need, if they need in October we buy then, they dot have to wait until Xmas

Catmint · 07/09/2014 19:47

My mum buys me and DP socks and pants every Christmas. I like it, it means we have less need to buy them = more discretionary income to spend on things we want rather than need.

Thanks, Mum!

AtiaoftheJulii · 07/09/2014 19:50

My mum has very rarely bought me anything I actually like wearing. (Lovely though she is.) And I am very fussy about my pants. I cannot imagine her buying me underwear and that being successful.

I8toys · 07/09/2014 19:50

MIL buys him pants and socks every christmas - couldn't care less. They are just a basic staple that everyone needs.

AuntieStella · 07/09/2014 19:53

I wish MIL would get him pants.

It's usually jumpers, and I have to look at them.

SanityClause · 07/09/2014 19:56

Oh bleeding hell.
it's pants.

That is all.

^^^^

This.

Oh, and get a grip, as well.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 07/09/2014 19:57

It's just pants no big deal

Floggingmolly · 07/09/2014 19:58

My late MIL used to send the pants (big baggy y fronts, I presume like his Dad wore!) by post as we live in different countries, and there was always a little something for me as well...
Dusters and j cloths Grin - and on one occasion the especially intriguingly shaped parcel contained Brillo pads as well.
I used to turn the air blue, but I'd bloody love to be still getting them now Sad

Gunznroses · 07/09/2014 19:59

MIL buys DH pants - Yes/No
FIL buys DH pants - Yes/No
DH buys MIL pants - Yes/No
DH buys FIL pants - Yes/No
Grin

littledrummergirl · 07/09/2014 20:00

Mil and my dm both by socks and pants for both of us and the dcs.
I cant remember the last time I bought utility undies.
My dm did once buy dh long johns. To be fair he was a builder and they were very practical.

diddl · 07/09/2014 20:01

I can see how combined with other stuff it might annoy.

Although tbh if I was in my 40s & a parent was regularly replacing my underwear I'd long since have told them that it wasn't necessary as I could buy my own.

BramwellBrown · 07/09/2014 20:04

MIL buys DH rather small Y-fronts every time she visits, we have a pile of unopened pants as DH hates them

Ilovexmastime · 07/09/2014 20:09

MIL buys Dh pants and socks, me pants, DS's pants, socks and pj's (even though I've told her they sleep in pants).
DM buys me pants,socks and a nightie every xmas (one year my DF choose my nightie apparently... That felt a bit weird!)

And just for the Freudian school, one year my closest friend and her DH bought my DH a pair of pants for his birthday. Make of that what you will Grin.

LucilleBluth · 07/09/2014 20:10

Mu mum will buy DH pants as a stocking filler :).......really really really doesn't bother me.

Original poster
savebraveted · 07/09/2014 20:13

A few have definitely picked up on my subtext - it´s the petty pants thing on the surface, hugely underpinned by the (root of the problem) not wanting to let her little boy go thing, and having absolutely no boundaries. Did I mention she still cuts up his meat? Joke. I have 3 ds and I am SO planning on letting them go with a loving kick into the big bad world as soon as they are ready…
How would Freud feel if it were the other way round and Dad was buying his daughter M&S undies???

OP posts:
londonrach · 07/09/2014 20:15

Mil buys dh pants and socks. I phone her up and tell her when he running low. Don't see a problem. I do offer her money but she doesn't like that. Treat her to coffee and cake instead

StrawberryCheese · 07/09/2014 20:16

Mil and Gmil buy boxers and socks for DH every Christmas and it doesn't bother me until the drawer can't close because he won't throw any out. I have to stealthily chuck them in the bin.

Gmil once bought my DB (23) a twin pack of boxers for Christmas. Confused