Toddler stamped on spider

[Pugaboo]

I'm probably being ridiculous but...

The other day we were leaving the house and there was a spider outside our door. DS (20 mo) saw it and immediately stamped on it and killed it. I was surprised and a little bit upset tbh - I'm not a big fan on spiders but don't believe in killing any creatures unnecessarily and although I know he's probably too young to get it I told him that we don't stamp on insects on purpose.

AIBU to think this is learned behaviour, and not just something he randomly did? He never stamps on anything usually (except puddles).

They are cute, MrsD. I've never actually had a problem with them in my own home though. I did used to feed the underground mice

mrsdevere I know. I love mice. We have had am infestation and I'm pregnant. I felt I had to get rid of them and put down poison. I found one - dead - a week later and I still feel shit about it.

I know what you mean, mice are cute.

My maternal grandmother on the other hand would merrily kill everything from field mouse to large rabbit. Doesn't like rodents.

I appreciate her phobia but a mouse looks a lot different to a rabbit, surely?

Saying that a spider and a tarantula are no different to my mind. Perhaps that is my phobia talking?

Coming on this thread to give reassuring anecdote: my two/three year old has, for the past few months, been pulling the eyes off her tiny Easter chicks (the 20 for £2 sort) after first saying, 'There you go, little chick, there are your eyes!'

Re. mice. That is what cats are for. Really the cute videos on facebook are fun but cats purpose in our lives is to keep our homes free of rats and mice.

Unless of course, you have the laziest cat known to man. I have watched with bemusement, my cat idly watching from her basket as a tiny little mouse scampers across her way in the garage.

I'm sure the mouse was almost flicking her the v sign as it scampered, trying to egg her on for a chase, but nope, too lazy.

Well I don't think it's ever too young to instill empathy and a love of bugs/animals into a child.

I am amazed at the stamping killing comments in spiders here.

How vile.

I will kill slugs, snails, flies and wasps without compunction.

Spiders....I pass the buck if anyone else is in and get them deported from the house. If I am alone then I'll try to set the cat or dog on them, especially if they are running. Or failing that I can summon enough bravery and trap them under a glass. But then it's running in the chicken pen for them....they can take their spider chances with Mrs Pecky et al.

So if you are a spider chez TheCatsmammas then keep still and keep a low profile and you can stay warm and dry.

Boris in the kitchen window has been there all summer. We nod in passing.

I don't get the "a child stamping on a spider doesn't make an adult serial killer argument".

There doesn't need to be a link to the worst case scenario to make the action wrong.

I find the 'see a spider stomp on it' concept a bit alien really. Why would you do that? I leave them alone or put them out with a jam jar method, and live somewhere with the occasional black widow too (better to catch them to see if they are dangerous I think in any case). I do kill wasps, although I'd really rather not because the rest of my family refuse to go outside if there are any around, and that annoys me. I swipe at mosquitos that are biting me, have put down poisons on things that are eating my plants and have nitty grittied headlice in my time, but generally advocate live and let live where possible. I'd certainly not encourage my children to kill small things for fun.

No worries for the OP, hopefully her small ds won't stomp on another spider simply because he now knows it upsets his mum. The ethics will probably come a bit later, cause and effect not being a strong toddler point.

Wow - I don't go on Mumsnet for a day and look at all the answers!

To address a few of the comments on this thread:

I wasn't "anxious" about this and pretty sure the tone of my posts suggested I didn't think DS was a serial killer in the making for stamping on a spider. What can I say, life is pleasantly uneventful and I had no cake punchers or wedding invites to AIBU about. Even MIL is being sweet at the moment.

For the person who said I was "ridiculous" I refer you to the first line of my OP

As a pp kindly said I simply wondered whether this was likely to be learned behaviour or instinctive and either way whether it was unusual - which clearly it's not. Thanks for reassuring me.

Oh and I found three slugs IN MY HOUSE on separate occasions the other night. I caught them (which wasn't hard to be fair, they're slow movers) and put them in the garden to eat my plants. So I guess I don't kill slugs either but DH does

The OP wasn't asking if it was wrong/should be discouraged, though. DS was the stompiest toddler ever and used to take great delight in it and although I have stomped on spiders myself on occasion when I really couldn't deal with them any other way I still discouraged him from killing anything alive and he doesn't now, at 5.

Whether it's ethical or not is a totally different question from whether it's normal. Toddlers do lots of unethical things!

To be fair OP you did in your second post say you were freaked out by the "kids who kill animals go on to murder thing". Perhaps it was meant lightheartedly but it did come across as over anxious. But no harm done :) (Except to the poor spider! :))

I hate it when people think it is ok to kill insects because they don't like them.

I hate spiders but never kill them. I would be very angry if my children killed anything living... except fleas and headlice as they are parasites.

People don't care enough about nature it seems. Very sad.

One of mine did kill a spider when he was little and he has gone on to be a very kind teenager ;) but it was the last time he ever did it.

I do not teach mine that it is ok to kill living things just because you don't like them or they are small. We need to respect nature.

He wouldn't be aware of what he's doing at 20 months. I agree with nooka above it is a good place for him to begin learning and you as his mum are the best person to guide him with your reactions so I wouldn't worry.

My 3 year old caught (and squashed) a house fly in his fingers and showed me, then asked me if he could let it back in the garden to fly away. Reader, I said he could. I chickened out of the life and death discussion because I thought it would upset him to find out he'd killed it when he thought he was trying to do something kind. Also I was a bit gobsmacked at his ninja fly-catching skills.

Another time though he saw a slug and was tempted to run it over with his bike, I think he just had an odd impulse. He asked me if he could and then I explained that if you squash things they can't be unsquashed, that if it stopped moving it wouldn't move again, and that it might hurt the slug. He thought about it and decided not to to my utter relief so it's a big learning process for them, and I believe it's the little incidents and choices like this that provide them with opportunities to learn to be empathetic. Perhaps more so than toy sharing at nursery.

finding many of the proud spider killers on this thread very patronising on this thread tbh (i.e. compassion=tree hugger)

hope you are reincarnated as an insect

Walking home years ago with my eldest two, 6 and 4 at the time and we saw a a snail. I pointed it out to them, my 6 yr old was watching it and my lovely, smiley, gentle 4 year old just stamped on it all the way home I was thinking id given birth to a future serial killer...he's 14 now and still gentle, hasn't killed anything (or anyone) since. I don't think...

I had to train DS not to stamp on ants, I pointed out that ants have mummies and daddies who are now very sad... He stopped quickly!

AmberLav and the other poster who told her DC that s/he had killed the ants'Mummy- do you really think it's appropriate to tell a child that they have caused emotional devastation in a creature that is incapable of experiencing such a thought process? The child may become very distressed and in the future will have to re-learn that ants don't have human emotions. It's basically lazy parenting, anthropomorphising creatures instead of teaching about them properly. And yes I do think that books and films that do the same should only be read/shown to children with a "this is made up"warning.

The only nice spider - is a dead one.

I kind of agree Jessie, I think you can be age appropriate but keep it factual. Over sentimentalising it confuses the issue I think.