Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

Toddler stamped on spider

176 replies

Pugaboo · 06/09/2014 23:06

I'm probably being ridiculous but...

The other day we were leaving the house and there was a spider outside our door. DS (20 mo) saw it and immediately stamped on it and killed it. I was surprised and a little bit upset tbh - I'm not a big fan on spiders but don't believe in killing any creatures unnecessarily and although I know he's probably too young to get it I told him that we don't stamp on insects on purpose.

AIBU to think this is learned behaviour, and not just something he randomly did? He never stamps on anything usually (except puddles).

OP posts:

scarletforya · 07/09/2014 06:46

I think you're right inky. I think we're hard wired to fear spiders. They're harmless here but throughout the world they're dangerous. They bite and can kill.

It's human instinct to fear and kill them.

fcukip · 07/09/2014 06:49

'If you want to live and thrive let a spider run alive'

Its a living creature and children should be taught the importance of life.

DC1 (four) came up to me sheepishly the other day and said her and her little friend stomped on ants. I gave her the whole 'would you like to be stomped on by an ant?' And also 'oh dear' that ant was someone's mummy. Her ant babies have no more mummy! '

Its strange. I'm most particular about this but quite easy going on other matters.

However I was raised a Buddhist < needs to return to vegetarianism>

Can't stand adults stamping on spiders though! No excuse there.

halfdrunkcoffee · 07/09/2014 07:30

I think it's normal at that age. 20mo is very young. I'm having trouble with my son (3.9) stamping on snails. He says he wants them to be dead! I need to try some snail empathy, snail stories, explaining about hedgehogs eating them or maybe just get tough and put him indoors if he stamps on a snail in the garden. Your child is probably a bit young for all that but hopefully when he is a little older you can explain to him that killing spiders or other creepy-crawlies is wrong, and at the moment you could just say 'no' firmly.

Roonerspism · 07/09/2014 07:34

fcukip I completely agree.

It also leads to other conversations. DD was upset at the fish counter the other day, having realised what she is actually eating. I'm not vegetarian so it is a tricky conversation with a teary 4 year old but I was amazed at how much she comprehended. (We try to eat less meat and fish but line caught/free range).

I think teaching kindness, compassion and empathy to our kids from day one could make the world a lot pleasanter. Why not start with spiders?

EugenesAxe · 07/09/2014 07:35

No I don't think it's learned TBH. I practically farm spiders in my house; on holiday I was gently handling a beetle and letting my DD (2) hold it and look at it - I said 'shall we let it go now then?', put it down and she stamped on it with alacrity. I was quite cross with her, but I think toddlers just have a tendency to do things like that with bugs.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 07/09/2014 07:51

I will pay you £20/ hr to childmind your toddler in luxury in my home during the autumn.

slithytove · 07/09/2014 08:35

Tigger - I can't reach some of the spiders in my house, therefore I get the Hoover out.

AWombWithoutARoof · 07/09/2014 08:41

I'm with you OP, DD has always known that you don't kill things, and when she killed one once I did take her to task about it. Our house is overrun with massive ones at the moment and we leave them be.

MrsWinnibago · 07/09/2014 08:43

YANBU to be upset. It's normal though....I just tell my DC "We don't kill things...they can't help being insects"

I once swatted a fly and my very peace loving and beautiful Dad said "Oh! Now it's children will be wondering why it's not home!"

I never killed anything again.

shushpenfold · 07/09/2014 08:43

NO - my toddler DD did this at the same age and we had a chat/mild telling off about it. The same DD is now desperate to be a vet and goes out of her way to rescue all creatures no matter how long legged/hairy!

Only1scoop · 07/09/2014 08:47

Op it would have upset me also if I had seen dd do that.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/09/2014 08:57

Mad about Minibeasts is lovely book for toddlers / preschoolers about insects, spiders, slugs etc. Fuzzy bee and friends is nice for babies and young toddlers.

I'm against killing any animals however small. An ant or mosquito that was actually biting me might be an exception to that.

In UK spiders cannot bite you and there is only one type of venomous snake (the adder) which is very rare and shy of humans. We see grass snakes all the time. They are harmless. Spiders likewise. They might make you jump but that's no reason to kill them. I would call the exterminator out to rats but they are dangerous to human life.

bishboschone · 07/09/2014 09:08

I would be horrified if my son did this but to be honest he is 3 and has sn and non verbal . From day one I have taught him to be respectful of animals and bugs and anything moving basically . I hate seeing children be rough or stamping on bugs . You need to explain to him it's wrong and to respect them . I am terrified of spiders but don't show my fear and would never kill anything ..if I can teach my son I'm sure you can easily teach your children .I would say he has seen someone do it in the same way my son has been taught the opposite .

ZumZee · 07/09/2014 09:15

Rats are an interesting point. I assume the RSPCA would act if someone was subjecting rats to suffering and pain. And animal rights activists are against their use in testing.

But do either have a problem with or act against pest control, who use poisons which cause a long and painful death? Why is a pet/captive rat any different to a wild one?

FlyChickie · 07/09/2014 09:15

I read Charlotte's Web and still kill spiders-hate the fuckers.

MeMyselfAnd1 · 07/09/2014 09:21

Please don't label your child as a possible murderer for killing spiders. You are widely over reacting. I met a child when I was growing up that was really a worry (bloody psychopath in the making) crimes of him that I remember include killing a puppy by putting a milk carton over its head until it stopped breathing, covering a cat with petrol and lighting it up (he did the same with another puppy) and stoned the dog that lasted him for longer to death for getting friendly with another child (that child and I buried the dog, he dug it up). There were a lot of stray dog and cats where I grew up but never lasted long, we used to find them dead very soon in the middle of the fields.

And there was my stupid be all-inclusive mother (and other adults) saying we had to play with him and inviting him over (as soon as he didn't get his way he would go in hunting mode, staying very still until we were near enough...and bam, big stone to your face).

I really don't know what was of him, but believe me, killing spiders at an early or "old enough" age is NOT a sign of sadistic tendencies.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 07/09/2014 09:21

My toddler did this recently, we were on a walk, I pointed out the spider and he just walked up to it stomped on it. I felt guilty as I'd pointed it out to him (thinking he would be interested) but we laughed about it. I think you're waaaay overthinking this.

HappySmileyPeople · 07/09/2014 09:23

Agree, way overthinking this. If he does that to his sibling, then you might worry

missorinoco · 07/09/2014 09:24

Twenty months old. Very young. Equal chance the spider could have been eaten or cuddled to death.

bishboschone · 07/09/2014 09:27

Memyselfamdi....why didn't anyone stop him??

MeMyselfAnd1 · 07/09/2014 09:32

" In UK spiders cannot bite you and there is only one type of venomous snake (the adder) which is very rare and shy of humans. We see grass snakes all the time. They are harmless. Spiders likewise. "

That's true, but the UK imports great quantities of food crates from other countries where spiders are poisonous and sometimes they make it to our homes via the supermarket, so if you find a strange spider please do not pick it up with bare hands to carry it to the garden. (Actually, in some cases killing it would be the best thing to do to protect the local environment)

Same goes for snakes. Adders are native to this country and they bite and are poisonous. There are also plenty of irresponsible people who cannot longer care for pet snakes and release them into the wild, so again... If you don't recognise the snake, don't assume it is not dangerous just because the thing is living in the UK.

Pinkrose1 · 07/09/2014 09:33

I think I would talk to DS and explain that it is wrong to kill anything, even spiders. I would also look at playing with toddlers his own age. I've no doubt he will be just as boyish as the older boy when he grows a bit but for now I wouldn't be happy about him killing anything.

HexBramble · 07/09/2014 09:33

missorinoco I agree in that 20 months is still very young - the are going to have a limited understanding and feelings like empathy and compassion won't develop until much later.

Their 'intent' IMHO must always be challenged though - it isn't acceptable to exterminate something simply because it looks different.

MeMyselfAnd1 · 07/09/2014 09:41

Why he was not stopped? Because nobody ever saw him doing it and because the adults always thought we, the other children, where making stories about him because he was so weird/seem to have a disability, and quickly dismissed what we were saying.

It was so bad that it was difficult to believe tbh. And those were other times, when you went to play with other children in the street all day with the only instruction to come back at lunch time and when it was dark. People was not monitoring their children behaviour as we do these days.

GobbolinoCat · 07/09/2014 09:43

Can I borrow him?! We have invasion of the hairy 8 legged fuckers this week and could do with a brave stamper

same here.

Op in all seriousness I am more worried about your over reaction here than the spider terminator

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8