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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler stamped on spider

176 replies

Pugaboo · 06/09/2014 23:06

I'm probably being ridiculous but...

The other day we were leaving the house and there was a spider outside our door. DS (20 mo) saw it and immediately stamped on it and killed it. I was surprised and a little bit upset tbh - I'm not a big fan on spiders but don't believe in killing any creatures unnecessarily and although I know he's probably too young to get it I told him that we don't stamp on insects on purpose.

AIBU to think this is learned behaviour, and not just something he randomly did? He never stamps on anything usually (except puddles).

OP posts:
ThatBloodyWoman · 07/09/2014 09:44

I think it could be either -learned behaviour or experimentation.

But its wrong and imo good parenting is explaining that its a living creature that just wants to be left alone.

ThatBloodyWoman · 07/09/2014 09:49

I just don't get why anyone would kill, or allow their child to kill, a harmless creature.
Its obviously wrong.

ilovelamp82 · 07/09/2014 09:50

I was a bit surprised when my ds did this the other day because until the other day. Until then when he saw a spider he would have a conversation with it until it crawled and hid and then he would say "night nightspider"

After he did it, he asked where it had gone. I assume he's seen someone at nursery do it and didn't really understand what he'd done. I just explained that we don't hurt spiders and he hasn't done it since.

Now how do I train a 2 year old to remove the big spiders from the house humanely now that I'm a lone parent??

ThatBloodyWoman · 07/09/2014 09:54

You show him how to ilove.

XmasMenace · 07/09/2014 09:55

Not trying to be contentious here, genuinely asking because I've always been in two minds myself, but how does the 'don't kill anything unless it threatens your life/health' and 'teach kids not to kill anything' go with day-to-day social conditioning and dealing with things that aren't a serious threat to health but are a PITA?

Thinking primarily about things like slugs and headlice, though obviously not for the same reason. Slugs will damage your plants/veg yes but unless you're in the tiny minority who grow food as their primary means to live it's not actually a threat to your life, you'll just put a pack of tomatoes on the online shop, so why are they generally seen as 'ok to kill'? And headlice, so easily avoided by just having incredibly short hair or shaving it off completely but that isn't as socially acceptable now as it used to be so why is it ok to let your kids have longer hair, knowing they'll probably catch headlice at some point and then you'll have to kill them?

As I say, not asking to stir up trouble, genuinely not sure how I feel about these grey areas. Would never drown a kitten etc, generally try to save spiders but have killed the odd one when I couldn't get it with the spider catcher and I didn't want it landing on my face in the night, and have killed loads of ants because they get into the kitchen (and would kill rats if they did the same), so I'm not sure what the difference is?

ScarlettlovesRhett · 07/09/2014 09:55

I do not see a problem at all with killing a spider.

Pulling legs off etc is a different matter all together, but outright stamp is fine imo.

How do all the insect lovers on this thread that 'home' several large spiders deal with ants in the house, or wasps nests in the loft/under the eaves of the back door etc - is killing fine then, or is that another opportunity to coo about 'nature'?

I am totally at peace with nature as long as it stays outside - in its rightful place; nature does not belong in my home and will be removed/killed as necessary.

XmasMenace · 07/09/2014 09:56

("then you'll have to kill them" referring of course to the headlice, not the kids!)

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/09/2014 09:57

How to Catch a Spider Humanely and get Toddles to like Minibeasts:

(1) Wait until spider stands still.

(2) Pop glass over it.
(3) Slip bit of paper underneath.
(4) Show to toddler to make them go "000000".

(5) Open back door / window and flip spider out.

Wait 5 years and toddler will be able to do it themselves :)

Numanoid · 07/09/2014 09:59

I wouldn't have an issue with spiders being killed, as long as it's done quickly, like a stamp or squashed with a book, for example. As Scarlett said, pulling their legs off and anything similar would be a cause for concern.

I don't like insects in my house at all, but spiders really scare me. I've tried to ignore them, then tell myself they aren't scary and try to pick them up and take them outside, but it doesn't work. Although if DP was around I'd always ask him to take it out before killing a spider.

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen · 07/09/2014 10:00

Roonerism

I agree and think that's bad advice to stamp on creatures you don't like, on account I don't like snakes and sharks.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/09/2014 10:01

I don't have a problem using nitty gritty comb to remove head lice (or even using Hedrin actually). Kids wouldn't be allowed to go to school without any treatment and head lice are a nuisance and do bite your head. I would put this is the same category as squashing a mosquito that was biting you.

fishfingerSarnies · 07/09/2014 10:02

My 2 yo deliberately stamped in dog poo the other day... Most definitely not learnt behaviour! Don't think it's anything to worry about.

HappyAgainOneDay · 07/09/2014 10:03

Some small creatures (insects and the like) are good for the human race. Spiders eat flies, ladybirds eat aphids, cheese logs (woodlice) eat dead vegetable matter, butterflies and bees pollinate, bees make honey. When it comes to slugs and snails, I have a remedy that I use liberally. I don't care that they die. Same with ants. I get rid of them.

I wouldn't eat insects unless I'm given them to eat without knowing what the food is. I might like them and have some more.

CoteDAzur · 07/09/2014 10:05

Spider bites are much worse than mosquito bites. They are not "harmless creatures".

ThatBloodyWoman · 07/09/2014 10:06

I can understand a stance on creatures who cause harm on a case by case basis.
Fleas and headlice for example have to be rid by foul means as an infestation would be hazardous to well being.

in certain circumstances, wasp and hornets nests.

Mice and rats -put away food source and employ natural means (cat) or humane traps.

Mosquitoes -close windows after dusk and get rid of any sources of standing water you can.

Flies -cover food, nets at open windows.

Spiders-house spiders are harmless.We have huge fuckers roaming my place, and they are just removed from dc's bedroom.

Ants -dog eats them.

Etc.Etc

BlackeyedSusan · 07/09/2014 10:09

spiders are not insects, thus you are allowed to stamp on them. (but only if they are the big black hairy ones. )

BertieBotts · 07/09/2014 10:10

I'm pretty sure it's instinctive, they all do it. It definitely doesn't mean they will become serial killers! They just don't understand that an animal can have feelings like a person - and I think instinct probably does come in because if you think about it some small animals are a threat to us.

Serial killer stuff is when they deliberately hurt animals that they fully know and understand to have feelings (and even if you explain it to him, he seriously won't get that for a long time yet especially about insects. It's quicker for them to understand about bigger "pet" animals like cats and dogs) and it's more in a spirit of "I like to see it hurt" than "I wanted to see what happened" or "It scared me and I lashed out" or "I wanted it to move out of my way".

HexBramble · 07/09/2014 10:10

Cat, am not certain the OP is over-reacting tbh. More thinking aloud tbh. In her position, I'd be the same. Wouldn't you?

BertieBotts · 07/09/2014 10:11

Lol at the thought that a cat is a more humane way to kill mice than poison.

HexBramble · 07/09/2014 10:11

Spiders=Arachnoids=living creatures?

ThatBloodyWoman · 07/09/2014 10:14

Not more humane -more in tune with nature Bertie...

Branleuse · 07/09/2014 10:18

i dont kill spiders but i don't think this is an omen that he will become a psychopath. Its still just a spider.

BertieBotts · 07/09/2014 10:19

Hmm, but hoarding our food and keeping it in artificial containers, living in houses and all the rest of it isn't particularly in tune with nature. In tune with nature would be living in the woods and sharing the food sources with various creatures like some kind of fairytale cartoon.

I'm not saying I wouldn't use a cat for pest control but I wouldn't try and kid myself it's humane. Cats are horrible to their prey!

XiCi · 07/09/2014 10:23

Your life as a mum is going to be very difficult if you are getting anxious over such a non issue. Serial killer because he trod on a spider at 20 months. Surely you can see how ridiculous this sounds.

ThatBloodyWoman · 07/09/2014 10:28

But we don't live in the woods not in houses (though I have done and rather like it..)
And even living like that we do store food if its in abundance.
We could share our food with Ratty and gang, or we can allow nature to continue round us with the other animals living their own lives and ending them by being eaten by predators at times.Its all about balance.

And as humans we are very busily fucking that balance,aren't we,on all scales.