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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Motorway Driving

93 replies

Buzz80 · 06/09/2014 21:45

DM lives a 50 minute drive away, 30 of which involves motorway driving. She refuses to drive as she doesn't like motorways.

However, she refuses to have motorway driving lessons or have anybody else in the car who can guide her. The annoying thing is she can manage them if she wants to go shopping or to see DSis, although that is a shorter journey.

AIBU to kick up a fuss? I used to just let it pass but it's really starting to annoy me now. She won't say what she doesn't like about motorway driving, other than every woman she knows (apart from me!) hates it.

Can anybody shed light on what they don't like about motorways - stuff that is serious enough for you to avoid them as much as possible. Thanks!

OP posts:
Ron99 · 06/09/2014 21:53

Sorry to start with a question but why do you need/want DM to drive on the motorway? There is nothing more dangerous than an unconfident and reluctant driver on a motorway, it's dangerous for them and other road users.

ArabellaTarantella · 06/09/2014 22:18

It can sometimes be difficult to get on from the slip road; then you come across a lorry and have to overtake but the bastards who hog the middle lane won't move over for you; then, once in the middle lane, you have to decide whether to become a bastard middle lane hogger yourself, or pull into the nearside lane until the next lorry. Then you have to make sure you time it right to get off the bloody motorway. And people drive too fast on them and hassle me from behind to drive faster than I am comfortable with.

And breathe! Next question?

morethanlaundry · 06/09/2014 22:20

Can't she just go on the back roads?

If she chooses to avoid motorways that's fine as long as she's happy to go the long way round.

PiperIsOrange · 06/09/2014 22:21

Does your mum still visit you, catch a train or bus.

morethanlaundry · 06/09/2014 22:21

"AIBU to kick up a fuss?"

The answer to that is always going to be YABU.

You are a grown adult, children kick up a fuss - adults should have the intellectual ability to articulate themselves properly.

cardibach · 06/09/2014 22:22

If you can't drive on a motorway you can't really drive, in y opinion. The skills are the same, except you possibly have to be more decisive on the motorway. People refusing to use them irritate me.
However, there is always an alternative route which does not involve the motorway. In conclusion, your DM's excuse is pants whichever way you look at it.

Acolyte · 06/09/2014 22:23

My dm won't motorway drive. The sheer volume and speed of traffic puts her off. It is joining the motorway that worries her.

Makes no odds to me. If she wants to visit, she'll either catch the train or I'll go and fetch her (5 hour round trip).

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 06/09/2014 22:32

This is the sort of thing that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy IMO, if you think to yourself that you can't drive on motorways, you won't be able to drive on motorways (both DM and MIL have convinced themselves of this)

So what if you can't overtake the lorry in front? Just stay a safe distance behind it till you're ready to get off. 55mph vs 70mph is not a big deal.

WhatsMyAgeAgain · 06/09/2014 22:34

Motorway driving is my favourite type. No traffic lights, no right turns, no squeezing through tight spots, minimal navigation, almost completely straight roads.

Surely a nervous driver would stay in the left lane, and if slowed down by a lorry in front, that would suit them. If they maintained a reasonably constant speed around junctions, then other drivers would be fine getting on and off around them.

Lweji · 06/09/2014 22:38

It's a 20 min difference. If she's happy driving on a normal road, leave the woman alone.

Longer motorway journeys can be boring, and therefore she may be worried she'll concentrate less. Perhaps she doesn't really want to tell you this?

But definitely don't kick up a fuss, fgs. Or is it that she won't visit you?

Sallystyle · 06/09/2014 22:40

She can do what she wants. Not your place to kick up a fuss.

I have been driving for almost a year and never been on a motorway and never plan to in all honesty.

The slop roads worry me.

BobbyDazzler1 · 06/09/2014 22:53

I hate motorway driving. It's a nightmare for me! Scares me so much. I understand your DM. YABU. Try to understand. Don't you have a weakness?

Janethegirl · 06/09/2014 22:55

My DM until fairly recently used to drive on motorways to visit me. It's only now she's getting older she doesn't feel confident doing this. However she's now over 75 so I can't complain.

Janethegirl · 06/09/2014 22:57

I have no issue with motorways and I don't know anyone who's bothered. But it may depend on where you live. No real option where I am...it's motorways or dual carriage ways and both have slip roads :)

OddFodd · 06/09/2014 22:57

So either she gets a train or she comes on the back roads.

I don't think you should be driving at all if you find motorways so terrifying you can't drive on them but I don't make the rules.

In any event, it's a feeble excuse. There are always other roads, especially if you're less than an hour's drive away

steppemum · 06/09/2014 23:11

I am a bit shocked actually by the number of drivers on here who don't drive on motorways.
As a previous poster said if you can't drive on motorways than you really can't drive. You need same skills for any busy road, dual carriageway, main A road etc.
I have driven motorways since i passed my test. I don't see them as any different to any other road.
And I get particularly wound up by the idea that women are somehow less good at driving of less likely to drive on motorway etc

As to your mum, the issue isn't that she won't drive on a motorway (as she does to see your sis and to shop) the issue is that she is using motorway driving as an excuse not to come and see you, which is obviously hurtful. I think you need to talk to her if you can about why and what is really going on.

AlpacaLypse · 06/09/2014 23:13

I was petrified of the whole idea of going on a motorway when I first started driving alone after passing my test. At that time the concept of having motorway driving lessons after the test wasn't widespread. I needed to go from Tunbridge Wells to visit my brother who lived in a south London suburb, and carefully planned a non motorway route. However, I got it horribly wrong and discovered to my horror that I was in a lane that was inexorably about to join the M23 and the only way off would be to dart across two lanes of fast moving traffic.

I gulped and held my nerve, telling myself 'just keep going, get left as soon as you can and don't panic'.

And then discovered it was easy peasy!

It can be scary if you get trapped in a lane because of undertaking cars, most likely to happen on the really wide bits of the M25 and similar massive ring road motorways where the fourth lane tends to be one long filter lane for the next junction, but you learn to indicate early and other drivers are normally quite sensible really. And that is less likely to happen to you if you don't hog the middle lane, so I'm quite good at choosing the correct lane for the speed I'm travelling at.

I still wish I had had a motorway driving lesson as the gut wrenching horror of that first inadvertent venture was appalling and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but now I'd far rather spend fifty minutes on the M4 than an hour and a half farting around Calne and Chippenham when I go to Bath or Bristol shopping from my home in North Wiltshire.

Babiecakes11 · 06/09/2014 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Icimoi · 06/09/2014 23:18

The only thing I have against motorway driving is that it can get a bit dull. But otherwise it's a lot easier than driving elsewhere - as people have pointed out, no traffic lights, no sharp bends, no zebra crossings, plenty of warning before exits, no-one joining from the right - what's not to like? And if you don't like changing lanes, don't change lanes (provided, of course, that you stay in the left hand lane and you keep your eyes open for people approaching from slip roads).

BIWI · 06/09/2014 23:20

We should be taught how to use motorways as part of our driving lessons I think.

It irritates the hell out of me when people refuse to drive on motorways, but I can understand their fear, given that they have never been taught about them.

But ultimately, if you're a driver, then you should be able to cope with motorways. OP - you are not being unreasonable to be cross with your MIL!

SockQueen · 06/09/2014 23:21

I find motorways far less scary than winding unfamiliar country roads or inner-city driving. I did a lot of practice on motorway-standard dual carriageways before my test, so they weren't really much of a step up. However, if your DM is convinced she "can't" drive on them, you're unlikely to change her mind now. Worth encouraging her to research alternative routes?

MrsCurrent · 06/09/2014 23:23

DM won't drive on a motorway, I've tried to help, as has DH but it's not for her. I think the speed and amount of traffic terrifies her. She's a blinkin' good driver locally though so that does for her. Everyone is different in every walk of life, DM likes life at a slower pace than me but is more thorough at what she does.

drudgetrudy · 06/09/2014 23:29

People have different fears. I can't understand why people would be scared of a spider or a mouse-but accept that their fear is genuine.

I loathe driving on motorways. It is the speed and volume of the traffic and fear of the access roads. I don't intend to drive on a motorway again if I can help it. I know that I am not a good judge of speed and distance.

I have been driving for a long time and I know I'm fine for driving around locally at a slower speed-its rural and quiet anyway and I'm good at parking maneuvering the car etc.
Try to have a bit of understanding-does anyone kick up a fuss if you are scared of something.

Its your Mum's own business if she chooses a longer route. However if she drives on motorways to other places then she isn't that scared .

DocMcStuffinsBigBookOfOuches · 06/09/2014 23:31

All those saying nobody joining from the right has obviously never been on the M8 in Glasgow where not only does one junction join on the right, but the next one along exits on the right...

MrsPiggie · 06/09/2014 23:36

Lots of people are afraid to drive on motorways. Coming off the slip road is the worst, changing lanes at speed to let people in or past, judging distances, dealing with morons, all the time knowing that if an accident does happen at that speed you may not live to tell the tale. I remember being afraid of motorways for about a year after getting my license. Now I think it's the easiest type of driving. That being said, if your DM is afraid to go on motorways YABU to get annoyed. What if she couldn't drive at all, would you be annoyed if she refused to learn? It's her problem. If she can't come to see you, then you can go to see her.

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