Motorway Driving

[Buzz80]

DM lives a 50 minute drive away, 30 of which involves motorway driving. She refuses to drive as she doesn't like motorways.

However, she refuses to have motorway driving lessons or have anybody else in the car who can guide her. The annoying thing is she can manage them if she wants to go shopping or to see DSis, although that is a shorter journey.

AIBU to kick up a fuss? I used to just let it pass but it's really starting to annoy me now. She won't say what she doesn't like about motorway driving, other than every woman she knows (apart from me!) hates it.

Can anybody shed light on what they don't like about motorways - stuff that is serious enough for you to avoid them as much as possible. Thanks!

I'm scared of motorway driving and can't see me ever driving on one even though I've been driving years. I think I'm a fairly good driver but its the speed that puts me off. I even get nervous being a passenger in a car on the motorway. It doesn't stop me going places though, I just get the train or dh drives if its long distance. I can really understand this fear.

PS I do| think that its unreasonable to expect other people to pick you up and ferry you about. If afraid of motorways either take a long way round or use train or bus.
If you feel your Mum is using it as an excuse not to visit I can understand why you might feel miffed-but if she gets there anyway you are completely unreasonable to dictate which route she takes.

I used to hate motorway driving until I regularly had to leave the M5 for the A38 at the Almondsbury Intersection. It involves crossing several lanes of high speed traffic leaving the M4, trying to get south to Somerset, Devon etc.

DocMc I agree. Glasgow is scary. I have just driven to dundee and back to Edinburgh today. No problems. Try the 6 lane freeways in California if you want scary roads. I coped but you needed your wits about you

From the OP

"The annoying thing is she can manage them if she wants to go shopping or to see DSis, although that is a shorter journey."

So it's not that she will never go on motorways, it's that she won't do a slightly longer stretch of motorway driving to see you, is that right?

In that case YANBU to be annoyed, also, why doesn't she use a non-motorway route?
However, you may just have to put up with it. My Mum will only drive to about two places (yes, it's pathetic) and that's that.

Would agree with Icimoi that the worst thing about motorway driving is the tedium, also if you get stuck in a massive tailback, hence I often prefer A roads.

Pathetic??

Quite dismissive of another persons fears.

I agree that if the DM is that scared of driving on a motorway, she shouldn't be on it purely out of respect for the safety of other motorway users.

I personally find motorways easy to drive on but speaking from experience the amount of people that don't is pretty scary. A previous poster claimed that motorways made them nervous due to the amount of cats undertaking - if this is happening you are in the wrong lane, FFS move over to the inside!

It isn't the speed on the motorway that makes them dangerous, it's the people who panic and slam on the brakes in the fast lane or those who don't move over to the middle when they are approaching a slip road.

Simple answer - if the motorway scares you, stay off it!

Cars - not cats!!

I'm sorry, I find it hard to understand why driving on the motorway is so terrifying and why people go to ridiculous lengths to avoid it.

If you have the usual human abilities of spatial awareness, observation skills plus a driving licence, there is no reason whatsoever to spend your life freaking out about a three-lane road as opposed to a dual carriageway.

FGS, some of you build driving up into this big scary thing and it just isn't.

OP my mother is exactly the same also refuses rain, fog, country roads, city driving, ice, dark and heavy traffic.

Weirdly she does dual carriageways but only in the sun!

She probably shouldn't be driving - I've given up been irritated as it's pointless.

I'd be even worse if they we're full of high speed feral cats!

Also, you drive in the inside lane unless you're overtaking! Do NOT sit in the middle lane.

FGS (Comito)-some people build spiders up into big scary things-some people are afraid of flying.

Its not an unreasonable fear if you think your spacial awareness isn't that great.

I do understand your frustration, as I've always considered motorway driving to just be a normal part of being able to drive.

However, after twenty years of driving which always included motorways, I have recently had a really scary close shave, and I have to take issue with WhatsMyAgeAgain when she says "Surely a nervous driver would stay in the left lane, and if slowed down by a lorry in front, that would suit them. If they maintained a reasonably constant speed around junctions, then other drivers would be fine getting on and off around them."

A couple of weeks ago I was pootling along in the inside lane of the M62 when a lorry pulled in from the middle lane, clipping me on my right rear side. I was sent spinning in front of him, ended up caught side on up against the grille of his lorry, and was shunted up the middle lane for a good twenty to thirty seconds. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really thought I was just waiting to die. And I had done NOTHING wrong.

I am waiting for a new car, as mine was a write-off, obviously. The main thing is that I walked away unhurt (a fucking miracle, tbh) apart from the inevitable whiplash etc.

I will get back on the motorway, because I am determined not to let it curtail my freedom of movement, and taking my eldest daughter to university in a couple of weeks' time is a good motivator. But I absolutely sympathise with people who are inexperienced and frightened on motorways, and I will never again assume that their fears are irrational. Basically, things can go wrong, and at those speeds it is bloody scary.

To be fair on my mum her husband is always telling what a terrible driver she is which clearly doesn't help.

I was terrified of motorways and avoided them for a tear after I passed my test. I had a motorway lesson but still hated them. I had an ApacaLypse moment when my satnav took me down the slip road for the M3 and I had no choice but to carry on! It was all my worst fears - a HUGE lorry on the left-hand lane while I was on the slip road, my heart pounding... But it was fine. :)

So I learned to love them, and drove on them very happily for 4 years. I drove to Edinburgh and back!

But then one night, on a motorway I used all the time, I had a panic attack. No reason for it, just came out of nowhere. It was HORRIBLE. Tunnel vision, could barely breathe, shaking hands... It was the awful feeling that I COULD NOT STOP. :(

A couple of days later, I slapped myself and tried again. Same thing happened. Now I'm too scared to use them. Just in case that happens again.

Sorry, forgot the actual question! :) There is ALWAYS an alternative, non-motorway route. So it's not a valid excuse.

TBH, I often find when I calculate the "avoid motorways" routes on AA routefinder, that the non-motorway routes are usually only about 10 minutes longer than the motorway routes. Obviously traffic can affect that. But the routes I take are often so convoluted that there's never anybody else on them. :)

My DMil doesn't like driving on motorways, dual carriageways, any roads she hasn't driven on before. She doesn't like driving at night, with passengers, in the dusk, in the rain. She doesn't like coming across unexpected roadworks, being followed by the police, coping with emergency service vehicles with their blues and twos on.
It is very peculiar IMO, but the best thing I've found is not to encourage her to drive at all. I always offer to pick her up if we are going out together and I think that she and other road users are probably safer when she leaves the car at home.
Some people just aren't natural drivers.

I'm surprised how many people on here are scared of motorways, as I don't know anyone IRL who is. Do you all drive on dual carriageways? Because they are essentially the same thing but with an extra lane. Also you have to drive on dual carriageways to pass your driving test.
I actually enjoy driving on the motorway/dual carriageways because I feel like I'm giving my car's engine a good run, rather than lots of stopping and starting. And then there's that strange pleasure of putting my car into 5th gear as it doesn't happen very often on normal roads.

AHEM

DID NOBODY NOTICE THAT I NEARLY DIED LAST WEEK?

I do drive on a local dual carriageway but to me it is relatively quiet and doesn't compare to M1 M25 or M60. I am mildly uncomfortable on it and avoid rush hour if I can. It is easier to stay in inside lane-no chance of finding myself in Liverpool lane and finding I have to cross three lanes of fast traffic to go to Leeds.
I do actually admit that this has gone worse as I have got older and avoidance doesn't help. TBH I consider myself a danger on a busy motorway now and only drive where I am reasonably confident.
However I do not expect a chauffeur service off anyone.

Oh drudge, throw me a bone, jeez! Everyone has gone to bed, and I am feeling very unloved .

Yes BOFstar I did.

I hope you are ok and manage to re-build your confidence and get back on the road.

I know avoidance makes it worse.

Very,very scary experience.

BOF glad to hear that it was a nearly and that you haven't taken to haunting MN.

Thanks

Honestly, I can't stop thinking about it- I am a total bore at home on the subject. I really really thought I was about to die.