Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Motorway Driving

93 replies

Buzz80 · 06/09/2014 21:45

DM lives a 50 minute drive away, 30 of which involves motorway driving. She refuses to drive as she doesn't like motorways.

However, she refuses to have motorway driving lessons or have anybody else in the car who can guide her. The annoying thing is she can manage them if she wants to go shopping or to see DSis, although that is a shorter journey.

AIBU to kick up a fuss? I used to just let it pass but it's really starting to annoy me now. She won't say what she doesn't like about motorway driving, other than every woman she knows (apart from me!) hates it.

Can anybody shed light on what they don't like about motorways - stuff that is serious enough for you to avoid them as much as possible. Thanks!

OP posts:

drudgetrudy · 07/09/2014 12:20

OP hasn't been back.
Apart from the discussion on motorway driving it has occurred to me, OP, that you are trying to tell your Mum what to do.
Now that you are an adult would you find it acceptable if she tried to tell you what to do and "kicked up a fuss" if you didn't do things her way?

It works both ways.
The more I think about it the more I think YABU.

Tanfastic · 07/09/2014 14:09

Oddfodd, I understand that analogy. I think I'm a pretty good driver on the roads that I drive on (have driven on for 25 years), that involves a lot of town driving in rush hour etc. I'm confident because I expect I know them like the back of my hand. I've never had an accident that was my fault in all that time and I drive every day.

however, You would be right to question my driving ability on the motorway though. I would be terrified, not confident, and would probably have an accident because of that - hence the reason I won't do it.

I suppose its a bit like saying I'm a good swimmer (which I think I am) but I wouldn't want to swim the ocean as I'd quite possibly drown Dunno

HappyAgainOneDay · 07/09/2014 14:12

Tanfastic If you were involved in a motorway accident, it would probably not be your fault because you would be taking care. You'd be more aware of what you are doing and what's going on than other drivers who are used to ignoring other drivers motorway driving.

specialsubject · 07/09/2014 14:22

don't really understand the issue here. There is no route in the British isles that means you have to take a motorway. The non-motorway roads were not ripped up when the motorways were built.

Lweji · 07/09/2014 14:40

I don't understand Tanfastic.
Why would you think you'd not be good on the motorway?
It's all about making sure we are aware of the other users and maintain sufficient distance to them (both ahead and behind us). And assume that they will do the stupidest thing that you can think of (like pull over in front of you while you are overtaking the car in front of them and leave no gap between them and you).

whois · 07/09/2014 15:30

I know that I am not a good judge of speed and distance

That is enough to convince me you shouldn't be driving at all!

Tanfastic · 07/09/2014 15:31

Yes I probably would be very good if I wasn't so petrified

drudgetrudy · 07/09/2014 17:01

whois
think it was me that said that.
What I mean is that I know where I would be possibly dangerous. With lots of fast moving traffic I get stressed and find it hard to judge whether I can move out or not etc.
With slower moving traffic on the rural roads where I live I know that I am capable of judging things and I go at the appropriate speed. I am not nervous of handling the car, reversing into small spaces etc. When I start to get dithery at roundabouts etc I'll review situation.
Basically I limit my driving to where I feel I am confident and it looks like some other people are doing the same.
I think anyone threatening to "kick up a fuss" because someone doesn't want to drive where they are out of their comfort zone is BU.

OddFodd · 07/09/2014 17:05

Nothing will be as scary as where I learned to drive (not in the UK) where there was no driving test until the 1970s so there were an awful lot of drivers on the road who were really, really awful :o

Comito · 07/09/2014 17:18

I can understand why people might find motorway driving intimidating. Without meaning to sound insulting, I guess I find some of the attitudes towards cars and driving on MN a little frustrating. There was a thread recently where people were laughing off having multiple small accidents as though it was amusing to be paying so little attention that they kept scraping their cars (and others' cars).

I'm not explaining terribly well but I find this kind of 'oh, I'm terrified of driving on a motorway, aren't I a silly billy?!' attitude rather minimising and self-effacing. It's not that difficult to be a good driver and if you lack confidence then there are courses you can do to improve your skills. It just makes me cringe when women live up to that infuriating 'bloody women drivers' stereotype. Sorry if this comes across as offensive, it's genuinely not intended to.

minkymuskyslyoldstoaty · 07/09/2014 17:22

op are you the same op who started a thread about childcare, and that your dm wouldn't drive to drop them off or something. Is that the reason you're annoyed.

sorry if you're not.

Sallystyle · 07/09/2014 17:25

It's not like I can't drive on a motorway, I am sure I can if I had to.

I just don't want to and living in Norfolk and not travelling very far I have never had to, and can't see a time where I would need to. If I did my husband would most likely drive.

It doesn't mean I can't drive at all I am pretty sure that I do actually drive very well despite not wanting to go on a motorway.

drudgetrudy · 07/09/2014 17:27

I don't think I'm a "silly billy"-I just think I don't like driving on motorways-end of.
I could think people who are scared of dogs/spiders/rats are stupid because I'm not worried about them but I choose to believe they are genuinely scared.
Some of the most dangerous drivers I've seen are actually over-confident -whizzing round bends on country lanes at 60mph-driving up the arse of the car in front to intimidate etc.
I know a few men who don't like driving too as it happens.
I don't see it particularly as a gender issue but agree it seems to be older women who tend to be most nervous.

clam · 07/09/2014 17:28

minky Nah, think that was CatThiefKeith.

Comito · 07/09/2014 17:30

Drudge, absolutely agree - over-confidence is just as dangerous as being too hesitant. Personally, I like to assume that everyone else on the road is going to do something unpredictable and drive accordingly!

Nydj · 07/09/2014 17:31

I hate driving on motorways and mainly manage to avoid it for the reasons given by ArabellaTarantella.

Doesn't really bother me when people say I am a wuss or should just get on with it or am not a proper driver etc. I will accept that this is what they feel but it isn't going to make me want to drive on the motorway.

MarianneSolong · 07/09/2014 17:49

My late father always hated motorway driving - though he hated driving generally. (I think he always kept in the slow lane and never went faster than fifty.) At some point in his fifties he started using A roads so perhaps there are all sorts of factors. Age is definitely an issue. But perhaps gender too, if women aren't routinely taking their share of driving on longer car journeys - family holidays etc and/or don't drive on motorways as part of regular work-related travel.

I live at the heart of a motorway network,so would have to be extremely creative if I wanted to avoid using them.

There's a level on which - I think - it is rational to be aware that when travelling at high speed, the braking distance is greater. Also if you take the wrong lane when motorways are splitting in two and/or miss a junction, it could take qa while to get back on piste.

But people probably drive better and more safely on motorways than they do when, say, they're on the school run, because they're aware of the potential hazards. The most appallingly dangerous and selfish driving that I have seen has been near the gates of my local primary school.

Comito · 07/09/2014 18:11

Marianne, I've lost some of my driving confidence over the last couple of years as DH is a terrible passenger so I've let him drive because it was just easier and less stressful. I did realise what had happened and told him that we have to share driving more, and he has to stop watching me like a hawk and waiting for me to make a mistake. He's a lot better than he used to be and even says he's starting to enjoy being driven!

Flip

1 2 3 4