Motorway Driving

[Buzz80]

DM lives a 50 minute drive away, 30 of which involves motorway driving. She refuses to drive as she doesn't like motorways.

However, she refuses to have motorway driving lessons or have anybody else in the car who can guide her. The annoying thing is she can manage them if she wants to go shopping or to see DSis, although that is a shorter journey.

AIBU to kick up a fuss? I used to just let it pass but it's really starting to annoy me now. She won't say what she doesn't like about motorway driving, other than every woman she knows (apart from me!) hates it.

Can anybody shed light on what they don't like about motorways - stuff that is serious enough for you to avoid them as much as possible. Thanks!

BOF! I only just saw your post.

How did you escape from being side-on in the middle lane, in the front of the lorry?!

That's awful BOFster I'm so glad you're ok and well done for your getting back on the horse attitude. Sorry but that story just terrifies me even more and makes me less likely to drive on a motorway - I never have I hate it that I'm such a nervous driver - I hate sun, rain (especially scary cloud bursts), snow, ice, dusk, dark, bends, hills, straight roads where you can see for miles, roundabouts, high bridges, (nearly wrote high brides - now I don't mind them ) driving south (little better driving north), and unclear road markings.

I am, however, a dab hand at reverse parking into tight spaces and am often complimented on such :)

Honestly, I really don't know. I'm still really emotional about it. I was sitting in my driver's seat just braced to be crushed. I have no idea how that didn't happen.

BOF that is terrifying. It gives me the shivers thinking about it. V glad you're ok.

Drudge - I do think if you have some massive fear, you should try to deal with it. My Mum has been driving since 1987 and has always been the same.

These are for you BOFster

Thank you, I do appreciate it. As I say, I still have this aura around my every thought, really, like everyone should know what a big deal it feels. I'm sure it will wear off, but just now I am in the IT'S ALL ABOUT MEEEEE phase .

I went on the a303 today... That was enough for me.... Yabu op!

It's the hypnotic thing on motorways though isn't it? High speed, lots of merging lanes, Sammy samey landscape = snooze!

I hate driving on dual carriagways... Give me a lovely causeway on 30mph any day. I learned to drive in Liverpool... Was easy peasy... Till I moved to the country!

Tbh motorways are not the only way of getting to a place... I will go cross country to avoid them!

Seriously? I live in Texas, we have 10 lanes in each direction, you have to drive on freeways to get anywhere (school, shops etc)

Mind you, I've completely lost my nerve on those tiny British lanes that are the width of a car, overgrown hedgerows on each side and blind bends... Used to take them at speed, will now go out of my way to avoid them when I'm visiting.

This reminds me of when I learned to drive. The older female members of my family who drive all drive automatics and don't drive on the motorway or at night. When I got my first car in preparation for my first job (40 min/25 mile commute by motorway) my uncle came over and started showing me what back roads I would need to take to get to work. And then I had a bit of an incident parallel parking in which I scratched my car against a lamppost and my dad refused to talk to me until I agreed to give up driving and take the train! He had a wait on his hands...

Anyway coming to the point, I would say YANBU to think it's daft to deliberately avoid the motorway, but there's no point in bringing it up because I don't think you will convince her. If she has the time, what's the harm?

wow BOF, that is awful. I am not surprised you need to keep talking about it, it is the shock. So glad you are not hurt
(had to giggle at the idea of you haunting mn though!)

By the way all you people who are scared of motorways, did you know that statistically you are less likely to die on a motorway than on any other road?

The thing that I think most people have missed it that the OP's mum DOES drive on motorways, to visit her sis and the shop. The impression I get from the OP is not that DM is coming to see her on other roads (which is entirely up to her) but rather that she is using it as an excuse not to come and see her at all.

BOF I was nearly killed on a motorway by a fuckwit too.

The first person I told about it, about 15 minutes after it happened because I was really close to home, interrupted my teary, shaky story by saying: 'Well, that's why DH tells me never to drive on motorways.'

It wasn't the first or last time I've resisted the urge to caress her round the throat until she stops struggling.

That was in 1990. I still tell people and so will you. But I think you'll find that this time it's ALL ABOUT MEEEEE!

I don't like to but I will. This comes more from not liking to drive places where I'm not sure of directions, lanes etc than not liking the motorway. Once I'm sure of a route, it's not a problem. I forced myself to do Cardiff to Reading not long after I passed my text and actually really enjoyed it.

Those of you saying how ridiculous/pathetic it is regarding those of us who are scared of driving on the motorway are you not scared of anything in your life? I mean anything?

I find it odd that some people are scared of water/moths/snakes/public speaking etc as none of these things bother me but I would never say they were pathetic or unreasonable.

Now tell me to get in the motorway in my car and I'd rather stick pins in my eyes. It's just the way some people are.

God I'm really sorry to hear that BOF. How terrifying :(

tan - I can understand why people are scared. I totally get that. But it does make me question someone's ability to drive full stop I'm afraid. I'm scared of heights which means I'm scared of heights full stop. Bigger heights are worse but I even get vertigo on escalators. I'm not going to stop going on escalators but I don't consider myself to be very good at doing escalators, I just have to use them occasionally.

Does that really crap analogy make any sense? :o

Hi again. Been asleep.
BOFster-its only natural that you will keep replaying that incident for a while-it must have been terrifying. I hope you rebuild your confidence-perhaps start by just doing a couple of junctions with someone you trust with you.

Pontypines - I forced myself for years to overcome this fear because I had to visit my very elderly Mum or had to do other things.
Now I can manage without driving on motorways and I've made a decision that I'm not going to put myself through it anymore. For a younger person I would say definitely try extra lessons etc -but if its at the point of panic attacks etc it is possible to use public transport for longer journeys.l

BOF, that was awful, but it could have happened on a dual carriageway, couldn't it?

When I learnt to drive my instructor suggested an extra lesson on motorway driving, which was one of the best investments I made.

What I was terrified of when I first start driving was big multi-lane roundabouts like the then Hammersmith Broadway and Hyde Park Corner, with people changing lanes all the time so you feel like you have to keep looking in around 5 directions at once. What cured me, oddly, was the time I'd driven for an ultrasound scan only to be told that they could detect no heartbeat. I probably shouldn't have attempted to drive home at all but I went into autopilot and, with tears running down my face, went wrong and ended up on one of these roundabouts. I simply went for it and was never scared of them again.

YABU

Totally DMs business whether she wishes to drive on motorways or not. I can't see why you feel the need to "kick up a fuss" about it.

I absolutely hate motorway driving too, although I do force myself to do it when I have to. It's the joining from slip road that I really hate, and just the crazy way some people drive, at terrifying speed.

BOF that sounds horrific - and exactly the sort of thing I might have nightmares about the night before I have to do motorway driving

BOF Is your 'incident' the one where there was a video on YouTube some time ago? Or was it someone else? The video of a car being pushed along a motorway by a lorry was taken by someone in another car .

Just let her be you can not force someone to overcome a fear and if she if getting around without having to use a motorway what does it matter

I do not agree that if you can not drive on a motorway you should not be driving we get used to driving in certain conditions and if it gets us around what is the problem. it's far more dangerous to be driving in conditions where you do not feel confident and slow drivers on motorways drive me mad

I found the 6 lane freeways in California a lot easier than I thought far less drivers are weaving in and out of traffic (unless in certain areas) and traffic moves far more orderly than in London. Hyde park corner now that at times can be a little scary but nothing compared to what I have seen in Paris, Milan, India or Thailand

It was the same sort of accident, yes. That did cross my mind at the time, so I hit the horn as it was pretty much all I could do in the situation to make any difference at all.

BOF that sounds absolutely terrifying

Good luck getting back on the motorways admire your determination

If yours was like that, well! Yes, get back on the motorway, even if it's just for one short junction length. Good luck to you. That YouTube video was horrific. I can't remember what that driver was sentenced to but I hope 'your' lorry driver had to suffer.