AIBU to ask you all to clean my home for me

[ninetynineonehundred]

I tackled the oven today.
That meant I was able to see the floor
Then the cupboard doors
Then the walls
Etc bloody etc
(it was a little like the knee bone is connected to)

I just don't have the energy or will to deal with it, or the money for a cleaner, but want the spangly sparkling home that my imagination supplies.

Anyone fancy coming round? I can offer virtual and real
Or do you all have a life this fine Saturday pm unlike me (need to change my life clearly)

Only if you reciprocate

Will you clean the mouse shit out of the cupboard that I discovered this morning last week

I would me.. I love organising people

One thing I like about deep cleaning a kitchen is you can take your time.

After the usual tidy up take everything out of one cupboard. Hoover it out, wash it down including door inside and out and dry.

Put an open carrier on the bench and start to put stuff back sorting out the bin stuff I to the bag as you go. Then put bag in bin.

It takes around 20 minutes from start to finish. Then force yourself to stop.

One tidy cupboard and it doesn't feel like you've grafted.

I'd lend you my DS aka the White Tornado, but he's away on holiday. Good luck and [wine ] when it's over!

Doing one cupboard or the equivalent a day would take me...quick calculation...
One hundred million thirty thousand and thirty years to do the whole place (bog standard terrace, not a palace)

Maybe burning it down for the insurance is more sensible

Noooo it doesn't once you get going and by the time the whole house is organised it's easy.

Easier to keep on top of than to catch up to.

And you don't even have to do it every day that's the beauty of it. One a week adds up.

I would clean your house

But I can't even face my own

Back off Worra. I saw her first.

3pigs where is Ron weasleys mum when we need her?

When yours is finished people are welcome to come and do mine. I will never ever get on top of it. I do one room, move on to the next and DD and Dh have created havoc in room one.....

I can't even get one room straight! It's hopeless!

where do you live? i'll come round but i will not clean but we can have wine and watch tv if you want?

Possession is nine tenths of the law, but I'm willing to pimp her out to you all

Booty don't make me throw mouse shit at you. I'll do I tells you.
And the baby's sick from the floor

Gibbers in the corner in despair.

In the last 5 mins dd1 (who should be asleep) has been chewing foam letters and hiding them in my bed. If you hear a scream in the middle of the night it will be when I grasp a small damp misshapen thing and wonder what the fuck.

Alice find the muckiest, untidyest house in the northern hemisphere and I'll be waiting.
With gamerchick

Glares at Worra (for all the good that seems to do)

Hmmm but at least you'll have moved it

shakes that made me smile for the first time since I saw the state of the oven door

Excellent

Now where have you hidden gamerchick I need more of her tips???

In the last 5 mins dd1 (who should be asleep) has been chewing foam letters and hiding them in my bed. If you hear a scream in the middle of the night it will be when I grasp a small damp misshapen thing and wonder what the fuck.

If they're foam letters, why not just spell out 'WTF'?

WHY ARE YOU ALL PISSING AROUND ON MUMSNET WHEN MY HOUSE NEEDS DOING!

I think we've scared gamerchick off with all the love

I use Unfuck Your Habitat

It's a cheap app that helps you clean in short bursts and gives reasonable goals. It also has a community that shows their befores and afters when they clean to help keep you motivated.