to feel like I've ruined my life

[swallowsflysouth]

I can't give many details but I am in a really desperate place. I have no family to help. I have no friends to help. I am really completely, totally alone. I know what I want from life but not how to get it; i know this is a stupid thread as noone can really help but I'm desperate, please don't flame me for not giving more details.

please, could you tell me if you've come back from despair

Ynys - I can understand your daughter's desire to have a Grandma. But they don't have to actually be related to fill that role. I had a 'grandad' who was a friend of my Dad's family. Do you have a family friend you could ask to be an honorary Grandma?

If you don't have anyone in your life at the moment that could or would play that role then perhaps one of the 'adopt-a-granny' schemes would work for you? I know that AgeConcern do one. And there is this one too: www.adopt-a-grandma.co.uk/index.html

op There are at least some people on MN who do seriously understand that 'solutions' that work for one person, won't work for another...and even that different people are..well...different. But they are in the minority most days - so I totally understand your wish to avoid unhelpful, potentially guilt inducing advice that can't actually help you.

But there ARE people who could talk to you without judging, without advising and give you support.

If you can locate even one such individual it would make a big difference to you.

Unfortunately the only method I can think of is trial and error...which has a big cost if the advice is causing you pain.

You could try asking for support in one of the other sections of MN - definitely NOT AIBU (which mostly exists for people to judge and advise each other!) and note down people who are positive and helpful and maybe invite them to a smaller thread where noone will find it....

I think being at home has lots of knock on effects.. You lose your power because you have to serve other people all the time, you have no money and no time when you clock off.
I think work would help with the personal development side, confidence side and financial side.
Do you have any qualifications or training?
Do not do extra jobs.. Leave your stepson to your dh just deal with the DC .
Divide the DC bedroom with an ikea divider ?
Simplify the house. Get cheap idea furniture chest of drawers for the DC.
You are completely ' stuck" and things can be so much better than this.

Again re. the 'suitable chest of drawers': gpogle the Marie Kondo way to fold and store clothes. It's a revelation - you store the clothes vertically rather than all piled on top of one another, meaning you can easily find what you want, and you free up storage space. You can also store trousers and jeans that way if the drawers are deep enough. There are a whole load of threads on mn about Kondo-ing, but that's the one thing I've implemented so far and it does make a huge difference.
Not trying to trivialise the rest of your concerns, but it might be a tiny help.

I guess you have to pick your audience carefully. Unfortunately some people on a forum are very quick to jump in.
Also any advice is clouded by their own mood at a the time and past experiences.

This is the advantage of a trained professional. They do not muddy the water with theirstuff

Think I may have got mixed up between swallow and unusual posts ..thought it was a name change. Apologies OP

swallows and Ynys that is

Think I may have got mixed up between swallow and unusual posts ..thought it was a name change.
Oh, me too....
Sorry to Ynys and swallowsflysouth...

Whereabouts are you Ynys ? (Geographically speaking).

The OP hasn't posted on here for 2 years, Ynys is a completely different poster, for those who are muddling them up. I second getting your own thread that is more geared to your problems, Ynys.

Ah yes zombie thread

sorry being thick but why has something 2 years old appeared?

Ah I noticed Ynys wasn't the op but didn't see the date.

I have seen threads in active with the last post from years ago, and not really understood why they have appeared in Active.

I assumed it was a name change and the same poster. Apologies

Yes, go talk to your GP . A few years ago I was really depressed but a period on anti depressants and a lot if soul searching later I am in a much better place and looking forward to life with my new grandchildren.