to feel like I've ruined my life

[swallowsflysouth]

I can't give many details but I am in a really desperate place. I have no family to help. I have no friends to help. I am really completely, totally alone. I know what I want from life but not how to get it; i know this is a stupid thread as noone can really help but I'm desperate, please don't flame me for not giving more details.

please, could you tell me if you've come back from despair

Liberal

Tis a long time ago now pistol but I'll take the flowers ta.

Honestly op, why do you think that no help our advice would apply to you in particular? Do you think depression may be making you think this way?

I am worried that it's something you have found out or something that has happened to you.

I know you don't want to say, but pretty sure no-one else would be saying it's your own fault.

I had something that I had to deal with and Samaritans didn't help, but specialists in the issue did help? Are there any specialists?

Honestly lamb, I'd just be told I need to do this and that - and while I can see it might be good advice in other contexts it doesn't work for me, then people have a go at me for being negative.

I know I sound defeatist but I'm just not up to being told it's all my own fault,and it makes me feel so alone as I can't talk to anybody about it.

I am sure whatever it is, it isn't all your fault.

We all do dumb things. I did something very dumb which will have an effect on me and my family for the rest of my life. I had to face that and try to get past it, and eventually I dud. I can't imagine any helpline would tell you it's your fault.

I too hate being told to do this and that and didn't do any of it, but still took the help.

Well then, all we can possibly say is yes, it's 100% possible to come back from despair.

I know it isn't lamb but other people, on here, and in rl, will say it is and will say I could have my problems solved if I did certain things - but I've tried, and they haven't worked for me.

I just don't know where to turn (and could the person messaging me with Bible quotes please stop! It isn't helpful!)

Your despair is tangible. If there's one thing I can say about life is that it changes. I don't mean to sound trite, I've been through a good 3 decades of struggle and pain and I can see the way through now.

I'm on ADs and have had therapy but I had to try a number of different therapists before I found the one who worked for me. That's not my fault, therapy is a dialogue and you can't expect to find the right connection straight away.

I wish I could reassure you that your experiences are more universal than you realise.

Have people actually told you in RL that it's your fault? Maybe you judge us too harshly.

Whatever it is, and I can think of many things that are non criminal yet might drive you to despair, I can guarantee you that there are many people on here tonight who have been through it themselves and come out the other side.

It's not negative to not follow advice to take action, it just means that it's not the right advice for you, or that you aren't ready to do it yet or that there is something else that you need.

I agree, it's 100% possible to come back from utter despair. Please stop blaming yourself for whatever it is.

After a fashion, yes.

It's always - oh, that isn't so bad, now what you should do is XYZ.

Then I say, well, I've tried XYZ and it hasn't worked.

Oh, you're so negative, no wonder it hasn't worked.

That's what would happen :)

It's awful as I have no one to turn to or talk to because people just start ordering me around, I don't have anyone to turn to and I'm in agony with it.

Try us! :)

Nobody has to give you advice. It might be better to just say it!

The Samaritans: 08457 90 90 90

They don't offer advice/tell you what to do, they're just there to listen.

You sound so trapped Swallows.

And is if there is no way out.

Generally advice isn't helpful. It's so easy to offer it but if someone feels immobilised, it can just add to the feelings of hopelessness. Sometimes just saying stuff out loud (or getting it out on here) can help start to make sense of things a bit though. Or if not, at least it might help you feel less alone with it all.

You do seem convinced this is the worst thing ever. Things can get like the when you don't talk about them

I bet you it really isn't.

People can offer advice but you don't have to take it. You also don't have to listen to it.

I do understand the feeling of being trapped with nowhere to turn. It's so all consumingly horrible.

I'm sorry to read someone has been sending you bible verses, that's rant inappropriate. You can report it to MN if they don't stop.

I'm off to bed now but please take care swallows. Thinking of you.

Bizarre typo. Rant should be really.

lucyAndPoppy talks a lot of sense, did you read her post?

Well doneLucy and good luck with your pregnancy :)

swallows May I ask how old you are?

Depending on the way it was written of course, I'm not sure it's really inappropriate flip.

Isn't it more likely that the poster was trying to comfort the OP rather than preach at her?

I am 32.

I am sure the intention was to comfort but I did find it inappropriate - sorry. (I could be a Muslim for all she knew; I'm not, in fact I would describe myself as Christian but I've had people do this before, a long time ago - pretend to be my friend and care about me when all they want is to convert me.)

So I'm naturally a bit wary!

I have tried Samaritans and the response was predictable. I know there are some good eggs out there and I used to be one so I would say that :) but if I was to tell you, you would all say - that's nothing, how silly to be upset and worried about that, THAT won't happen, well, if it does it's because you haven't done this or you haven't tried that.

That just adds to the sense there's something wrong with me to be honest.

I've just started working through 'Rocking the Life Unexpected' and joined the Gateway Women community online. They are for those who are childless by circumstance - no suggestions of adoption, or 'why don't you?...' just judgment-free space to grieve and re shape your thinking. Might be worth a look at.

And yes, having recovered from life threatening illness and injury, I've seen despair's ugly face many times. I had to be ready to ask for help to change from within, circumstances won't threaten how I see myself now.

I know what you mean zigzag but I can think of a few reasons why it's not a good idea, won't go into them as I don't wish to derail.

How are things this morning, swallows?

swallows, I've read through the responses on this thread, and I don't see anyone blaming you, or judging you. What you've said, loud and clear, is that advice doesn't help - because it makes you feel worse, as if you're being told that it's your job to help yourself and you can't do it. This sounds like an endless cycle of despair. However, by starting this thread, you've done something already to break that cycle. And given the starting point as you've described it, it's been an incredibly brave thing to do. Far from judging you, I can only applaud your courage.

I won't try to give any advice, because it doesn't sound like that's what you need or want. But I hope you'll keep talking on this thread and maybe a way forward will emerge.