AIBU To be annoyed with my DS mother switching her phone to speaker phone every time I call him ?

[HughHonour]

I am a separated father with a 50-50 contact split with my son who is eleven . Occasionally I call him on his mother's phone to chat as he has no phone of his own . I found it annoying and a lack of and respect of privacy that she switches the speaker phone on and adds to the conversation or responds to a question I ask my son . Completely over-involved . I would simply never do the same if she phoned on my phone . I should say that she lacks boundaries and completely no self awareness .

are you sure its your ex putting it on speaker phone not your son? is he a gamer? wants to talk on speaker phone so he can carry on playing a game? my son often tries this

Whatever anxiety issues she has OP should be able to speak to his son without her listening. Own phone without a loudspeaker function. And OP should ask Are you on your own? and if he is not ask him to go to another room or at least out of earshot.

Sorry Dawndonnaagain but OP sounds concerned for his contact with his DS. Not unsympathetic, not unpleasant.

Well, just off the top of my head, a good reason to listen might be because parent x makes inappropriate comments which DC might find upsetting?

Oh speaker phone pissed me off to talk on, and that's without someone annoyingly chipping in to a private conversation.

Have you actually broached the subject with her op?

I would do this, calmly first, saying it's a really off putting way to have a talk to ds, she may just have thought you didn't mind having her in the conversation?

Basically, assuming all is normal, if OP has 50/50 contact, and that's the arrangement, his ex has no business interfering with phone calls.

My dad used to put me on speakerphone so his wife could listen and chip in. I asked him not to. His wife is lovely, and I don't have an issue with her at all...but I didn't like the idea that I was being broadcast to the room. It felt like a liberty.
OP's ex shouldn't do it.

I don't understand why she's like this if you have 50:50 contact

In all honesty I would put up with it and not make calls to him as with such good contact surely most things can wait until he's with you

My ex mil does this with DS(3) I can't wait until he has his own phone! It takes all my energy to not say "let him answer for himself!!!"

I don't know why men bother posting on here to be honest. They'll never get a fair hearing.

Well, just off the top of my head, a good reason to listen might be because parent x makes inappropriate comments which DC might find upsetting?

Well they have 50:50 care so if that was going to happen then there would be ample opportunity in contact time!

I'm sure the ex wouldn't like it if the OP put the phone on speaker if she calls in contact time!

Yes, you're right there. There's nothing you can do about comments in contact time, as a single parent I understand this all too well. However if a parent is making inappropriate/upsetting comments to your DC wouldn't you want to keep an eye on the situation?

As regards the men not getting a fair hearing comment - the majority of posts on here have been supportive of the OP.

In IABU it's quite rare for anyone to get a fair hearing MrsBoldon! He's had more people defending him than attacking, which afaic is a good result.

Thank you all for the responses . There will always be a cross section of opinion and speculation . I am in agreement to most of them .