AIBU To be annoyed with my DS mother switching her phone to speaker phone every time I call him ?

[HughHonour]

I am a separated father with a 50-50 contact split with my son who is eleven . Occasionally I call him on his mother's phone to chat as he has no phone of his own . I found it annoying and a lack of and respect of privacy that she switches the speaker phone on and adds to the conversation or responds to a question I ask my son . Completely over-involved . I would simply never do the same if she phoned on my phone . I should say that she lacks boundaries and completely no self awareness .

How about you get your DS a phone then?

On the face of it, no YANBU.

Have you asked her why she does it?

Yanbu but might be an idea to get hi a phone.

I don't think it had anything to do with the fact he calls on her phone. What's wrong with a conversation between father and son? I assume you see your son on his own?

can't judge without the back history

If you have 50/50 care of your son then YANBU.

Get him his own phone, just a cheap little pay as you go Nokia will do. You won't even have to put much money on it if it's just going to be used for you to phone your son.

The back history is negative but not something that should get in the way of me asking about a couple of days in his new school . It's as if she feels she is entitled into knowing and listening to everything I tell him . She knows I'm and excellent father and has expressively said so herself ....

Out of interest how old is your ds?

Assuming there is no history of ill treatment she sounds like a controlling nosey Parker.
Just tell her, you have called to speak to your ds, could you put him on please, thanks. You need to tell her.

with my son who is eleven

The OP said his DS is 11. Frankly, I'd expect most 11YOs to tell their mum to butt out if they insisted on having the speakerphone on.

Why don't you just buy him a PAYG phone so you can ring him on it?

She is controlling . New phone looks like the way to go . Thanks

Be prepared for her to control that too though. Does she use MN?

11. Oh missed that! Sorry. It's tricky, you need space to communicate so a phone of his own is a good idea but do ensure everything is out in the open.

Sorry but their must be some back story of mistrust

I would have to do this with my son if his father was interested

All I will say a letter was once sent to my son I have since discovered in the said letter my ex was trying to find out if my son was able to get hold of his passport with out my knowledge oh the letter it's self was also supposed to be kept a secret but luckily my son has had it drummed into we don't keep secrets

I would trust him with a barde poll

Sorry Thefishewife but that's bollocks. You have no idea about a backstory.

She has been diagnosed with anxiety issues . She does not use MN . Has few friends . The anxiety issues have led to many irrational incidents . Has a tendency to blame me and the world for everything . A victim .

You sound unsympathetic and unpleasant.

Have you actually asked her not to do it?

dawndonnaagain I think your comment was uncalled for

I have asked her kindly . She may stop I just find it intrusive and overbearing .

I expect she has her reasons.

He has a son with special needs, his ex wife suffers from anxiety and he calls her a victim on a public forum.

Minkah : if she knows I'm a good father then what possible reasons could she have ? Self worth ?

I expect she has her reasons.

Must we always assume that the mother is in the right and the father is in the wrong? Some men are actually nice people, who are good fathers. True story.

I'm sure she does have her reasons.

But her reasons are quite possibly because she's a nosy control freak,