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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that BIL and SIL are being irresponsible and reckless. RANT

123 replies

trufflehunterthebadger · 05/09/2014 18:57

BIl and Sil live with us. They pay a low rent, this was to make a bit of money back for us but also to help them save for a deposit on a house and their wedding.

They have been with us a year. In that time they have not saved a single penny, although they have bought plenty of lego, toy trains, golf clubs, camping equipment and other tut that never sees the light of day. Bil spent £200 on golf clubs after one golf lesson about 9 months ago. He's not been since. They are always ordering shite off ebay. Sil confirmed the othe day that they haven't saved anything for their wedding in march - which they are paying for themselves fuck knows how now as they used sils savings oaying off bils debts

Anyway, while this annoyed me, i can put up with it, DH and i roll our eyes and let them get on with it.

Yesterday they decided they are going to get a new car. They have ordered and paid a deposit on the new car. DBIL earns about £25k a year, SIL about £8k.

The car they have ordered is a top of the range ford at a cost of £26k. They can only afford this because we let them live with us cheap so they can save money. The repayments alone are nearly £500 per month.

AIBU to think WTAF and actively considering telling them if they can afford a £26k car they can bloody well pay me more than £200 a month for all bills and food ? It doesn't happen often but i was absolutely speechless when dh told me

OP posts:
Original poster
trufflehunterthebadger · 05/09/2014 18:58

They also pay rent btw, they give us £500 all in for 2 rooms, bathroom, washing, all bills and food

OP posts:
Littlef00t · 05/09/2014 18:59

Yep. You are subsidising their lifestyle. Kick them out or demand a proper rent, it's madness!

PenisesAreNotPink · 05/09/2014 19:00

It's time to suggest they gettifer

The purpose of them moving in hasn't been realised so they can now afford to gettifer and get a room in a shared house elsewhere

Vitalstatistix · 05/09/2014 19:01

Why are they living with you?

and yes, I read the reason given in your op, but clearly they arent, are they?
so why are they living with you?

and do you want to subsidise them for ever?
and if you dont want to finance their lifestyle for ever, how long do you want to do it for?

tbh, id be saying move out. Now. You arent doing what you were here to do. You are having me keep you while you play at being grown ups and I am tired of it. Stand on your own two feet in the real world.

Castlemilk · 05/09/2014 19:01
Shock

You are being taken for an ABSOLUTE RIDE and I would seriously advise sorting this out before it all ends in a series of screaming rows and a totally fractured family relationship.

BTW, sorting out = telling them that as they clearly don't need to save, they don't need to live with you anymore.

phantomnamechanger · 05/09/2014 19:01

They are absolutely taking the piss aren't they. They have NO IDEA about budgeting, saving up, etc.

IF they ever get married and get their own place they are in for a hell of a shock.

£200 for 2 people for bills and food a month is peanuts!

Please tell me they at least do all the cleaning/washing up and do not treat you like a servant?

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 05/09/2014 19:01

Did you put a deadline on them living with you? If not, get one in place. You cant make someone good with money. But you can protect how much you are being taken advantage of.

Decide between you and DH how long you intend to subsidise them for and inform them of the deadline for moving (personally id give them 3 months starting today).

AnyFucker · 05/09/2014 19:01

You are being mugged off

Time to end this ridiculous situation

SarcyMare · 05/09/2014 19:02

They are taking the piss

rainbowinmyroom · 05/09/2014 19:03

They need a deadline to move or they never will.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 05/09/2014 19:03

Fwiw dh and I moved in with my parents for a year to save for a deposit on a house, we took the boxroom and bought most of the food. We saved fucking hard for a year and were able to buy a flat on the best street in the area thanks to their generosity. However we had motivation to save and were money wise to start with.

grocklebox · 05/09/2014 19:05

its two seperate issues really though isn't it? Their spending is,or should be, their own affair. They are taking advantage of you irrespective of that. They should leave or pay you properly, no matter what else they are doing with their money.

KatnissEvermean · 05/09/2014 19:05

That is ridiculous. If they're living with you to save money for a house and a wedding, that's what they should be doing. Buying that car is just stupid. YANBU.

everynameisbloodytaken · 05/09/2014 19:06

let me get this right... They give you £500 a month. .. whilst that is quite cheap for their rent, its a lot if money to lose each month. Would you miss that money if you ask them to leave? do you save any of it?

maddening · 05/09/2014 19:06

If you are benefitting for the arrangement why not continue to do so while you benefit and give them 3 months notice when it no longer suits - work out how much you are benefitting if you can estimate their financial impact on the bills - when you know oh much profit you are making you can decide whether that recompenses you enough to continue with the arrangement, I wouldn't worry about what they are doing to their financial health with their lifestyle choices unless they impact on you - eg if it costs more than£500 per month or they get in to financial difficulty eg debt collectors and bailiffs etc. or if you find them too difficult to live with etc

LIZS · 05/09/2014 19:07

Why would they need to worry and save while they can leech off you and indulge themselves. Work out what it really costs to have them there, sit them down and ask them to move out. If they cancel the car they could have a deposit in 2/3 months' time.

morethanpotatoprints · 05/09/2014 19:08

Op they are clearly taking the piss, but is there anyway you can tell them and make them leave before they take the car.
I know its not your problem but it could land them in trouble they can't get over for a long time.
I think they need to learn their lesson but maybe not so harshly.
tell them now if you are going to make them leave, before the car arrives.

Iconfuseus · 05/09/2014 19:13

YANBU but I think you need to take a deep breath and calm down a bit before you do anything, or you are just going to make things worse for yourself.

Personally I don't think this situation is healthy. I know you've tried to be kind to them but it's backfired - through no fault of your own.

I think you need to have a think about a few things. Are you happy for them to continue living with you? If you are, do you want them to pay you more? £200 a month is nothing, we spend more then that on food alone! Even £200 per person would be incredibly cheap!

I think the kindest thing to do is the cruel to be kind thing, which is to ask them to move out. They need a swift dose of realism and they are not getting it at the moment.

You don't have to confront the issue, you could just tell them that you want more space at home/want their room for a home office/some other excuse and then tell them that you are giving them 3 months notice. That's more then fair.

What does your DH think?

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 05/09/2014 19:16

Maybe you could assume an innocent air about the conversation, "BIL, SIL, as you are now clearly in a good financial situation, being able to afford such an amazing car, I assume you are now in a place to look for somewhere to live. Can we set a moving out date?"

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 05/09/2014 19:16

Is it £200 or £500?

everynameisbloodytaken · 05/09/2014 19:19

The BIL and SIL give them £500 altogether. .

Optimist1 · 05/09/2014 19:20

To be honest, I think you could be better off without them and their £500 a month! Having said that, it is entirely up to them what they do with their disposable income.

I think a reasonable period of notice would be fair to all concerned (3 months? or 6 months, which would presumably be when they get married?). You're going to have to be diplomatic, though, and don't make judgemental comments about their spending habits!

Original poster
trufflehunterthebadger · 05/09/2014 19:21

its a lot if money to lose each month. Would you miss that money if you ask them to leave? do you save any of it?

Yes, we would miss it. We are saving to purchase the house we are renting so we are saving it for a deposit. Kicking them out would mean we could not do that

OP posts:
henrysmate · 05/09/2014 19:22

So they've signed a 3 year contract on the car? Are they expecting to live with you for 3 years or are the expecting some pretty hefty wage rises very soon?
Sounds to me like the best thing they could do is forfeit the deposit, get out of the contract and hope to hell they haven't burned their bridges with you, they're onto a good deal. If they're not mature enough to have prepared and planned for their future, what on earth are they doing planning a wedding? hoicks bosom

Fairylea · 05/09/2014 19:23

So they pay £500 for rent and £200 for their share of the bills and food. That means for £700 they have no other bills, not even food. That's incredibly low.

Give them a deadline or increase their bill / food amount.

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