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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that BIL and SIL are being irresponsible and reckless. RANT

123 replies

trufflehunterthebadger · 05/09/2014 18:57

BIl and Sil live with us. They pay a low rent, this was to make a bit of money back for us but also to help them save for a deposit on a house and their wedding.

They have been with us a year. In that time they have not saved a single penny, although they have bought plenty of lego, toy trains, golf clubs, camping equipment and other tut that never sees the light of day. Bil spent £200 on golf clubs after one golf lesson about 9 months ago. He's not been since. They are always ordering shite off ebay. Sil confirmed the othe day that they haven't saved anything for their wedding in march - which they are paying for themselves fuck knows how now as they used sils savings oaying off bils debts

Anyway, while this annoyed me, i can put up with it, DH and i roll our eyes and let them get on with it.

Yesterday they decided they are going to get a new car. They have ordered and paid a deposit on the new car. DBIL earns about £25k a year, SIL about £8k.

The car they have ordered is a top of the range ford at a cost of £26k. They can only afford this because we let them live with us cheap so they can save money. The repayments alone are nearly £500 per month.

AIBU to think WTAF and actively considering telling them if they can afford a £26k car they can bloody well pay me more than £200 a month for all bills and food ? It doesn't happen often but i was absolutely speechless when dh told me

OP posts:
LIZS · 05/09/2014 19:44

I too as wondering about the legitimacy of subletting . Normally you have to state who will be living there on the lease. How much is the total rent ? Could you consider downsizing ?

RubyGoat · 05/09/2014 19:44

They obviously don't need to save, hence the spending/car. Therefore, they can afford to move out or pay proper rent.

henrysmate · 05/09/2014 19:48

River puts it beautifully. That.
The stairs story pushed me over the edge. You're not mummy and unless you're prepared to live with it for the money (which isn't even the best financial option... seriously, why are we debating this) then you have to kick them out.

You're being far too nice, but it's for family so I totally see why and you're lovely for it. But being nice when someone's taking the piss this blatantly will only eat you up and cause problems elsewhere. Nobody is their best self when they're being continually angered at home.

Original poster
trufflehunterthebadger · 05/09/2014 19:48

Yeah, we most certainly could afford a much nicer car than that. We're just not fucking stupid !

OP posts:
HansieLove · 05/09/2014 19:49

So they plan on staying there three more years???

I'd boot them out. Why should you subsidize them?

LittleBearPad · 05/09/2014 19:49

When you say they pay £500 for everything bills, food, rent washing. Please tell me that you aren't doing their washing. Please!

Original poster
trufflehunterthebadger · 05/09/2014 19:50

We do not need or want to downsize. We can afford the rent on our own. Yes the landlord knows we sublet some rooms, we notified him. And the rental income is declared because we work in jobs where we cannot afford to do anything less than squeaky clean

OP posts:
Original poster
trufflehunterthebadger · 05/09/2014 19:51

No, i dont do their washing ! But we do buy the washing stuff and fabric conditioner

OP posts:
AlpacaMyBags · 05/09/2014 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mamalino · 05/09/2014 19:54

What sort of tenancy have you got that allows you to sublet? If you are thinking of students you would then be a house in multiple occupation wouldn't you?

mamalino · 05/09/2014 19:55

Cross text. I'd check the legalities that attach to you if you start letting rooms out, seriously.

Janethegirl · 05/09/2014 19:55

If it works for you truffle, that's fine. If it doesn't or is costing you more money than you're getting it may be worth reevaluating the situation. I think £200 for 2 people for all food and laundry stuff and don't forget the loo roll is not enough.

LittleBearPad · 05/09/2014 19:57

Time for them to at least start buying their own washing products and food. I managed this at 18 and university. At 30 it's time for them to grow up.

Original poster
trufflehunterthebadger · 05/09/2014 19:59

The main issue is that dh doesn't want to kick them out. Neither do i particularly, if they were doing what they were supposed to be doing, contributing fairly to the communal housework and cooking i would not mind.

They cook once a week but their idea of cooking is getting a pizza from a takeaway. Bil trained as a chef and is not backward in criticising dh's cooking so this really pees me off that all he can manage to do is reheat ready made shit. When they lived in their own place they spent around £500 a month on takeaways amd shit because they couldn't be arsed to cook

Now she is off sick with "stress and exhaustion". She is a student and works about 12 hours a week Hmm

They just piss me off becuase dh and i work very hard for what we have. We have done very well for ourselves but nobody has given us anything, we did it all for ourselves.

OP posts:
LatteLoverLovesLattes · 05/09/2014 20:01

Is this the BIL that was posted about the other night? Hangs about in the lounge that isn't the one they 'rent'??

If so, you need to shift their lazy, rude, cheap arses out and get more students - more money, less hassle and your BIL & SIL aren't saving, they're fully taking the piss.

Original poster
trufflehunterthebadger · 05/09/2014 20:01

Foreign language students. You can have 4 without coming under HMO.

I do not need advice re subletting. We know exactly what we can and can't do and our landlord knows exactly who is living in our house

OP posts:
morethanlaundry · 05/09/2014 20:03

How much rent do you pay for the whole house?

And how many rooms do you have in the house?

And what amount do your monthly bills come to?

Original poster
trufflehunterthebadger · 05/09/2014 20:04

Yes, indeed latte. The very same

OP posts:
Original poster
trufflehunterthebadger · 05/09/2014 20:04

None of your business and completely irrelevant

OP posts:
RiverTam · 05/09/2014 20:09

what's that got to do with anything laundry???

You need to talk to DH then, as he shouldn't ignore that you are unhappy with the situation. You don't have to kick them out, you simply say that as their reasons for renting from you have clearly changed (not saving for deposit/wedding) then you will have to charge the full amount.

morethanlaundry · 05/09/2014 20:10

what's that got to do with anything laundry???|

How are we supposed to form an opinion about whether or not it's fair without knowing what proportion of the rent they're paying?

Scuse my french but what a fucking stupid question, rivertam.

morethanlaundry · 05/09/2014 20:11

None of your business and completely irrelevant

Riiiiiiight.

henrysmate · 05/09/2014 20:14

You don't want to kick them out but they regularly get you cross to the point of talking to the internet about them? I don't get that, sorry to sound harsh, but for sanity's sake, either come to terms with the situation and all it brings, or change it. Anything else is a recipe for misery. Or is it that you want to kick them out and OH doesn't? Am I missing something?

Amammi · 05/09/2014 20:14

I personally think weddings are a waste of money and they are probably better off buying a car!! However if they are living so cheaply and are not saving you do need to set an end date - otherwise things will drift and what happens if they have a baby/twins/sick child/get unwell themselves/get made redundant........they will be with you forever.
They are getting used to living beyond their means so perhaps you should set a fairer cost for their rent and bills and a move out date and after that just ignore what they do with their cash.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 05/09/2014 20:15

Of course it's irrelevant how much the OP pays in rent/bills.

truffle - if I were you I would charge them what you would charge strangers lodging with you, they are taking the piss. At least if you are charging them the 'going rate' you wont feel so bad. I'd then pay a cleaner and take some of the stress out of the situation.