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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have changed my nieces bedtime

107 replies

mommy2ash · 04/09/2014 19:10

I was minding my niece who is 20 months for a week while my sister and her husband were on holidays.

they got back yesterday and are so angry with me neither one are now talking me.

my niece usually goes to bed around 11 but after two days I was exhausted and my house was a tip and my dd who is seven was kept awake and tired getting up for school.

I stopped her napping at 5pm and put her to bed at half seven like my dd so I could have a shower clean the house and just have some quiet time after a long day. I am a single parent so I haven't had a break in a week.

I feel really bad now as obviously the bedtime they had given her suited them. i have already apologised but that hasn't helped. was it a terrible thing to do and what can I do now to make it up to them?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 04/09/2014 23:35

I agree, 11pm is too late, they sound lazy and can't be arsed tbh. My ds and dd were in bed 7 and 8pm respectively. Tgey probably are jealous at your wonderful parenting and should take example from you.

HauntedNoddyCar · 04/09/2014 23:36

Four lone holidays and a sensible baby whisperer baby sitter.

Actually I wouldn't actually like the week long breaks but the odd night would be nice :)

Aeroflotgirl · 04/09/2014 23:37

Can you have my two please! Will pay well Grin

thewrongmans · 05/09/2014 05:00

I don't agree with PP who say that 11pm is too late, surely if she goes to bed that late she also sleeps in the next morning. bliss. However ywnbu OP, as an early bedtime worked for you. After only one week surely they can easily revert back to the original bedtime so they are being unreasonable.

KoalaDownUnder · 05/09/2014 05:12

Ungrateful pricks.

dustarr73 · 05/09/2014 06:52

I knew someone who put their baby to bed late.The upside is the baby slept late next morning.The downside is he still stays up late now at 7 and hes in school.Ita very hard on him.Mine were in a routine because frankly i like a little time to myself before bed.

I think op this is the time to step back and do them no more favours.They are not thankful,so why put yourself out.I know you think your niece will suffer but they have to learn they have kids and just cant do what they please.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/09/2014 07:28

Thewrong, op is looking after him or a week it's her call, tgey should be bloody grateful! They can easily revert back. However they are making a rod for their own back as the child will expect to go late when she is older and at pre school/school.

Spadequeen · 05/09/2014 07:56

And next time the ask you to have your niece so they can go on holiday (you know they will), tell them no. If they then have a go at you for being unreasonable and that they now won't get a holiday, shout back at them (yes, shout, it will shock them and might make them listen) that you haven't had a child free break in 7 years and that last time they did you a favour they were unreasonable pricks. And don't talk to them for a week. Give them their own treatment.

antimatter · 05/09/2014 08:15

You should charge people for ability to switch their kids bedtime routine!

saintlyjimjams · 05/09/2014 08:20

Send them the bill as they're treating you like an employee.

Ungrateful sods.

AmberLav · 05/09/2014 09:20

In my family, when I have a falling out with one sister, I passive aggressively whine to my other sister and my mum, in the full knowledge that the offending sister will hear all my complaints through the network!

In your case, do not feel remotely bad about the fact your sister and BiL are not talking to you; you looked after their daughter for a week!!! If they ever ask you again, explain that you are only taking your niece if they agree that you can decide when bedtime is, as otherwise it upsets your and your child's routine. Oh, and regularly mention how lovely it is to have your evenings to yourself!

waithorse · 05/09/2014 09:29

Do NOT apologize any more. They sound ridiculous. You've done your dn a favour, by getting her in a routine of a decent bedtime. Napping at 5pm is crazy for a toddler.

Natalia32 · 05/09/2014 09:36

This is a joke, right? Your house your rules. And yes send them the bill. Do not, I repeat, do not apologise!!!!!!!

mausmaus · 05/09/2014 09:39

present them with the bill.
minimum wage x days x 24

that should do it.

I would have done the same tbh. my hous my rules and all that.

Jayne35 · 05/09/2014 10:03

I think I would be very annoyed with my dsis if she showed this level of ungratefulness. I would not put a child to bed at 11pm because I go at 10pm myself, and and have always rather enjoyed a couple of hours of peace in the evening while DCs are in bed. Your home, your rules OP, make sure you make that clear if have your DN again. Smile

hormonalandneedingcheese · 05/09/2014 11:26

YADNBU, they are ungrateful and treating you like shit. Seriously OP, they are treating you like a doormat- much as you love your niece, don't be a mug because if you let them get away with shit attitudes now they will only get worse. Then your DN will pick up on it and become a spoilt princess herself, treating Auntie OP like a mug.

Nip it in the bud now, use mindfulness for some assertiveness training (it helped me!)- don't let them have this shitty attitude and take you for granted or you will become one of the regular posters I see ranting about the same thing again and again - poor treatment from DH/MIL/friend/family etc- and always putting up with it.

kinkyfuckery · 05/09/2014 11:42

As a baby, DD1 went to bed around 11pm as her dad didn't get home until 10pm and it worked well for us for him to be involved in bath and bedtime. It meant she didn't wake until around 9/10am too which suited me well Wink

Of course this changed in the run-up to preschool.

Do your sister and BIL work? Could it be that they are disappointed as they'll now miss their lie-ins?

trixymalixy · 05/09/2014 11:45

YANBU, cheeky fuckers!

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 05/09/2014 11:47

Sack them off and use the time you gain to set yourself up as a toddler sleep counsellor. I know people who would pay good money to get some help with their child's sleep!

pettybetty · 05/09/2014 12:23

I hate to say it but you have an attitude that they are doing you a favour by letting you look after your niece. You have to say no somewhere or set boundaries right now orIcan imagine your lovely niece revealing exactly how little respect for you her parents have when she is able to talk. She will develop the same attitude of treating you like a doormat as a bonus.

Unless you do something about it now you are in for a very hard time. They will only escalate their usage of you

seasavage · 05/09/2014 13:07

As they are not talking to you (oh the maturity) there isn't a great deal to say to them.
The only communication to accept is an apology, complete one. Without any get out clauses or implied criticism.
If they expected her routine to be uncompromised they would need to keep her at home, with them.
They clearly don't want that or they wouldn't whizz off on holiday.

pluCaChange · 05/09/2014 13:38

Even if these "other people to leave her with" did exist, your DN won't actuslly suffer them very long, or often, since even if you're forcing a child to fit in with you, an extra child for a week is still a massive imposition. They're bound to run out of favours from their "other babysitters" and have to come back to you with a better bloody attitude and more respect.

Itsfab · 05/09/2014 13:46

Haven't read all the thread yet so this may have been said but I am wondering if they pathetically pissed off because THEY couldn't get her to sleep at a more sensible time and you have done it instantly.

Remember this when they stop acting like twats and realise they want you to skivvy for them again.

Itsfab · 05/09/2014 13:54

And definitely don't say you will babysit again as long as you get to chose when she goes to bed. The need telling what utter fuckwits they are being a lily livered I want to set bedtime isn't going to cut it.

NickiFury · 05/09/2014 14:51

My two year old used to go to bed at 11 and sleep till 11 the following morning. We did this because his Dad worked two jobs at the time and would never have seen him otherwise. So I think that in some cases that bed time is fine and not stupid at all. However if someone had my child for a WEEK while I went I holiday I would not the raging hump over them changing it to suit their own schedule. They're very cheeky.

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