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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have changed my nieces bedtime

107 replies

mommy2ash · 04/09/2014 19:10

I was minding my niece who is 20 months for a week while my sister and her husband were on holidays.

they got back yesterday and are so angry with me neither one are now talking me.

my niece usually goes to bed around 11 but after two days I was exhausted and my house was a tip and my dd who is seven was kept awake and tired getting up for school.

I stopped her napping at 5pm and put her to bed at half seven like my dd so I could have a shower clean the house and just have some quiet time after a long day. I am a single parent so I haven't had a break in a week.

I feel really bad now as obviously the bedtime they had given her suited them. i have already apologised but that hasn't helped. was it a terrible thing to do and what can I do now to make it up to them?

OP posts:
angelohsodelight · 04/09/2014 19:45

11pm is stupid bedtime, yanbu

Original poster
mommy2ash · 04/09/2014 19:46

wow I thought I would get told off a bit. I guess i should just wait for them to calm down and talk to me rather then apologising any further.

I didn't get anything for minding her but I didn't expect anything either. I have her a lot it's jutting expected to be honest. it's their fourth holiday since she was born and I didn't get anything those times either. I do it because i love my niece and I know they would just send her to whoever if I said no.

OP posts:
middlings · 04/09/2014 19:49

Waaaaaiiiittt a minute. Tell me they at least brought you a bottle/Toblerone from Duty Free?!

Or a 'my auntie went to x and all I got was this lousy t-shirt' t-shirt for your DD??

OP, I think we need to have a chat about not having the piss taken if not.

MummyBeerest · 04/09/2014 19:49

Wait...so she naps at 5 p.m., then goes to bed for the night at 11 p.m.?

Exactly who would benefit from that kind of schedule? Sounds like a nightmare!

They're being ungrateful, and frankly stupid. Yanbu.

wingcommandergallic · 04/09/2014 19:51

I don't understand why they don't take her on holiday with them. I wouldn't countenance leaving such a small child so long. Is she a bit of an inconvenience to them?

tinklykeys · 04/09/2014 19:52

Oh wow op you sound like a genuine toddler miracle worker! There are people who would pay good money to have their toddlers bedtime moved from 11 to 7.30 with such ease. I'm afraid if they are angry then they don't have her best interests at heart. I'm glad your niece has you in her life. Be confident in yourself, they can easily switch back if it's such a problem!!

pluCaChange · 04/09/2014 19:53

They sound charming.

BlackbirdOnTheWire · 04/09/2014 19:56

Have they ever moved your DD's bedtime on the numerous occasions they've had her to stay with them for a week so that you could have a break, and did you kick off massively when you found out?

CocktailQueen · 04/09/2014 19:56

Op, you are a very kind-hearted and lovely person and you did just the right thing. What idiot puts their baby to bed at 11pm?? Well done you.

Your family re being massively unfair though - how often do they have your dc if you have theirs all the time?? Stop being taken for granted and stop babysitting for them!!

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 04/09/2014 19:57

omg how are they anything other than incredibly grateful?

Pico2 · 04/09/2014 19:58

My mum told me that she wouldn't babysit DD unless she had a sensible (7.30ish) bedtime. DD was about 6 weeks then, so we worked towards that and got the odd evening's babysitting. That seems fairly normal. On the otherhand, your sister and BIL sound nuts.

Fairywhitebear · 04/09/2014 19:58

My 22 month old goes to bed 7-7.30pm.

Who the hell lets a 20month old stay up til 11pm anyway???!!

Clearly it was better for the child if she adapted so quickly. Poor kid!

Verynearlytea · 04/09/2014 19:59

What time did she wake up when you had put her down at 7:30? I wonder what time she wakes when bedtime is 11pm, maybe they do it to get her to lie in longer. Seems a crazy bedtime for a 20 month old.

Don't feel bad, don't appologise again. Sounds like they'll get over it when the next holiday is booked.

MehsMum · 04/09/2014 20:00

Seriously, OP, if you could shift her bedtime in a week, they can shift it back in another one.

You're a bloody saint and they should recognise that.

Original poster
mommy2ash · 04/09/2014 20:01

blackBird

my sister has minded my dd for one hour in total this year. I don't generally require much babysitting anyway but h would ask my parents first. my dd always goes to bed at half seven for me but for my parents she goes to bed around ten or eleven I don't mind :-)

OP posts:
ChillySundays · 04/09/2014 20:01

See if they calm down - if they don't you know what to say when they ask you next time.
If my sister had got mine to go to bed early I would have been grateful

XmasMenace · 04/09/2014 20:02

They do sound absolutely delightful, or rather like grabby rude tossers. As a PP said, why on earth can they not take her with them, especially as they've had FOUR holidays alone already in less than two years (I had ONE night away on my own in the first two years and I was beyond grateful for that!)? I understand you love her but if you don't put your foot down they'll keep taking you for granted and probably laugh behind your back about what a mug you are.

If you want to keep doing it without pay then be straight with them, tell them you do as you see fit when you're in loco parentis, or if you do it their way you're well within your rights to ask for some sort of compensation. If it's not suiting you to do it so often start saying no! You're a single parent - I bloody hope they help you out twice as much as you've been helping them, but I highly suspect not.

lilolilmanchester · 04/09/2014 20:03

I so hope your sister is reading this!!!

pluCaChange · 04/09/2014 20:04

My DH's cousin has a DD (now 6) who "won't" go to bed for anyone but her father. He gets in at 2 a.m. sometimes (he's a lawyer). No-one seems to care that the poor little girl is chronically sleep-deprived and lacking in boundaries. She's going to be a mess, growing up. Sad

I know that's rather extreme, and your DN may be better off than that, but they are really doing her no favours, by not setting boundaries and good bedtime habits. Do they think they can carry this on into her school years, FFS?

Original poster
mommy2ash · 04/09/2014 20:04

cocktailqueen

my sister doesn't really babysit for me i spend most of my time with my dd my choice.

I would stop babysitting except i know they would just ask someone else and some of the people they ask i don't like them minding her. they are more in the camp of children fit around your life. I care too much for my niece to see that happen.

OP posts:
PollyIndia · 04/09/2014 20:06

Is blackbird your sister??

AdoraBell · 04/09/2014 20:08

Another YANBU, they are vote.

Nuts. Unreasonable entitled selfish nutcases, that's what they are. 11 is a ridiculous regular bedtime.

Stop apologizing. Stop babysitting for them.

PumpkinPie2013 · 04/09/2014 20:08

YANBU

They are being very ungrateful! !

11pm is, IMO a ridiculous time for a 20 month old to go to bed.

I reckon they do it so they can lie in longer but they should realise that most young children go to bed early and wake early and you just have to deal with it!

You sound lovely OP, I hope you have a relaxing weekend with your dd Smile

3pigsinblanketsandasausagerole · 04/09/2014 20:09

I am in bed before 11 pm myself .....

XmasMenace · 04/09/2014 20:11

I bet they know all too well that you don't like refusing because of who they'd choose to leave her with and are happy to use that to get you to agree. If you don't want to be saddled with this rude assumptive attitude forevermore you'll have to let them choose what to do with their dd and they'll have to take the consequences, but you can tackle them on it as a separate issue rather than being emotionally blackmailed. Or start making them return the favour - they need a week's babysitting and perhaps you don't because you want to spend time with your child so what do you need? Lift to the shops every week? Help putting furniture together? Whatever it is start asking! They obviously have no qualms in getting BIG favours from you.