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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have changed my nieces bedtime

107 replies

mommy2ash · 04/09/2014 19:10

I was minding my niece who is 20 months for a week while my sister and her husband were on holidays.

they got back yesterday and are so angry with me neither one are now talking me.

my niece usually goes to bed around 11 but after two days I was exhausted and my house was a tip and my dd who is seven was kept awake and tired getting up for school.

I stopped her napping at 5pm and put her to bed at half seven like my dd so I could have a shower clean the house and just have some quiet time after a long day. I am a single parent so I haven't had a break in a week.

I feel really bad now as obviously the bedtime they had given her suited them. i have already apologised but that hasn't helped. was it a terrible thing to do and what can I do now to make it up to them?

OP posts:
CSIJanner · 04/09/2014 20:12

How utterly unconvient to have a toddler when all you want to do is holiday. Begs the question of why they had children in the first place if a child doesn't fit into their lifestyle.

OP - YANBU. You've had your niece for their numerous holidays this year. They should be thanking you profoundly and apologising that they didnt consider that looking after your DN caused any disruption to your sleep & home. Your poor niece! :(

velocity1 · 04/09/2014 20:14

If you had got my DS to sleep at 7.30 instead of 11 I would have given you a medal..and cried with gratitude too probably

PollyIndia · 04/09/2014 20:15

Oh god 3 pigs, if I am staying in, I start getting ready for bed at about 9! I have a similar age DS and am very happy when I put him to bed at 730.
YADNBU OP

grannymcphee · 04/09/2014 20:17

I am shocked at your sister's response. A baby of that age should have the three 'B's, (bath, bottle, bed) by 6-6.30pm. This is how a child thrives and grows healthily. Why have children if you are not prepared to change your life for their benefit?

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 04/09/2014 20:19

You sound a real sweetie.

I feel for this little girl. Thank goodness she has you in her life.

11pm? And your parents out your daughter to bed at 11pm when she is with them? What is that about? Is this just so they sleep in a bit in the morning? Sod the fact that they are little people who get frazzled and should be in bed at a decent time to allow their brains to develop.

pluCaChange · 04/09/2014 20:24

When DS started sleeping through, he suddenly went through a massive developmental leap. It's bloody scary, how much he advanced when he suddenly had unbroken sleep.

Original poster
mommy2ash · 04/09/2014 20:25

my dd is seven and my parents are softies with her. usually she is either watching a Simpson's marathon with my dad or my mom is telling her stories half the night. it's only once every few months so I don't mind the odd late night. I even ignore the cartoon cookies and ice cream overload lol.

OP posts:
fuzzpig · 04/09/2014 20:32

What ungrateful wankbadgers. I would say "don't ever babysit for them again" but I think your niece would be worst off in that situation :(

CSIJanner · 04/09/2014 20:39

They're in for a real shock when she gets to school age and school runs. Unless they plan on sending their daughter to boarding school FT which will deal with bedtimes, school runs, schooling and feeding DN whilst they can still got for term time holidays.

Am actually getting quite Angry typing that out so I think I'll step away for a while :(

temporaryusername · 04/09/2014 20:50

So much here that I'm amazed at!!

They have had four holidays without their daughter in the first 20 months of her life? I'm staggered by that.

I'm staggered that anyone who has done someone the massive kindness of looking after their child for a week is met with anything other than gratitude.

They must also know that 11pm is a late bedtime, and past the bedtime of many adults, so anyone whose child went to bed at that time would surely either not leave with someone, or at the very least tell the person that their child has a very unusual schedule and ask if that would work for them?

I would just email and tell them that you think they are being very ungrateful, and that obviously as they consider your babysitting style so unsuitable you won't offend them by ever suggesting you provide childcare again. You needn't worry, they won't go down that path. By the sounds of it they rely on you and will come crawling back, but you need to put their attitude in its place.

Icimoi · 04/09/2014 20:55

I suspect they'll find they are speaking to you next time they decide they want some free child minding. Tell them you'll to it on condition that you get to decide when she goes to bed.

AlpacaMyBags · 04/09/2014 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarbeDiem · 04/09/2014 20:59

Jesus! what ungrateful morons.
I'd be kissing your feet if you'd done that for me.
They are very rude to not thank you and for expecting you to put up with their poor parenting.
I'd leave it too, it sounds like they'll need you before you need them.

HilariousInHindsight · 04/09/2014 20:59

YANBU!

DD is sometimes up at 11 when her teeth are playing her up as she tends to sleep erratically.

She also went to bed around then up til about 3 months old as she stayed downstairs with us in pram or laid on our chests.

I think they should apologise.

I know it's difficult as you love your niece and don't want her to be left with any old person but you also need to think about what is right for your children too - it's not fair to put their bedtime at peril because of your niece especially as niece isn't at school herself.

I hope they realise how ridiculous they are!

I agree with pp's that actually they are annoyed as she might prefer this schedule and it might mean they have to go to bed earlier/tidy later etc.

Clutterbugsmum · 04/09/2014 21:03

I think you should send them an invoice each holiday charging them them going rate for a nanny for all the hours you have had your niece.

So if you charged them £10 per hour you would have made

Per holiday 168 hours X £10 = £1680.00

£1680.00 x 4 = £6720.00.

You could have a nice holiday on that for your family on that.

Even if you don't do not ever baby sit again.

Alisvolatpropiis · 04/09/2014 21:07

What rude, ungrateful fuckers!

Also genuinely shocked that they have been on 4 holidays without her.

MammaTJ · 04/09/2014 22:05

Would you please, pretty please have my 8 and 9 year olds and sort out their sleep for me. If you want, you could just have the 9 year old as I have a sneaking suspicion that if she slept, DS would sleep!

Nanny0gg · 04/09/2014 22:23

Please could you have one of my DGC? She is an absolute nightmare with bedtimes and her parents would be eternally grateful!

And your Sis and her H need a bloody good talking-to. Rude, ungrateful people.

And their 'schedule' is very, very unfair on their dd.

Original poster
mommy2ash · 04/09/2014 22:27

I wish I had some magical answers for the kids who can't get to sleep early :-) my dd has been in a routine since day one and my nieces routine was surprisingly easy to change. H just got her up early took her for walks instead of always being in the buggy and didn't let her nap at five in the day. I'd say she just went to sleep to get away from me lol

OP posts:
Spadequeen · 04/09/2014 22:30

Stop apologising. You've done nothing wrong. Next time they start on you, tell them that the words they are looking for are 'thank you for looking after our daughter for free whilst we went on holiday, we really appreciate it'

Do not apologise. Wankers.

BlackbirdOnTheWire · 04/09/2014 22:52

Grin How did I guess that your DSis wouldn't have taken your DD at all?!

(No, PollyIndia, I'm not the OP's sister - I was asking ironically, as it seemed fairly obvious that the sister is incredibly selfish and self-obsessed, not to mention bloody rude. I just wondered if the OP had realised the extent of the totally one-way generosity and the fact that she, as a single parent and with seven years of parenting behind her, deserves a break rather more than they do)

OP, you definitely need to stop apologising. Tell your DSis and DB that they'll be thanking you for changing her bedtime in a few weeks' time, when the HV asks about bedtime routine and time as part of the 2 year check (and yes, they do ask and note it, my DS had his fairly recently). Tell them also that if they don't like the care that you have willingly given for free, they can pay a nanny next time. And ask them when they're going to take your DD so that you can have a break. Sounds like they're taking you completely for granted. I'd love for you to look after my DC anytime, and I'd buy you Cake and Flowers too!

cherrybombxo · 04/09/2014 23:13

Apparently my parents put me to bed at 10-11pm as a baby because that way I slept until my 6am bottle, then went down again until 8am. I'm not saying that's the way to do it but my mum said that I slept through the night from day one, no problem.

However, I think you did the right thing because their routine was affecting your child so you did what worked for your family. They sound totally ungrateful.

Lweji · 04/09/2014 23:26

Ungrateful entitled twats.

4 holidays by themselves in 20 months with babysitting provided by you for free?
Nice.

I'm sure if you changed her bed time in one week, they can reverse it quickly enough.

Twats.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/09/2014 23:31

I am shocked, you did them a massive lovely favour and they treat you like this! I would not be speaking to them! Please don't feel bad, they are tge ones who should. Awful people! Don't do them anymore favours, the ungrateful, rude awful feckers!

Cheeky76890 · 04/09/2014 23:33

Who puts their kid to bed at 11? Crackers!!

You've don't the right thing. Your kid has a normal bed time. Her child had to fit around you to a small degree. It's perfectly fine to have adult time after 7.30pm