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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask if you enjoyed your own family set up?

110 replies

burgatroyd · 03/09/2014 21:34

As part of my 'shall I stop at two' conundrum (see are teenagers more expensive?) I'm curious about whether you benefitted from coming from a large or small family.

Perhaps you were a lonely only or enjoyed being a single child.
Or you felt lost amongst a brood or liked having two or more siblings.
Are you closer to your brother or sister?
Step or half siblings?

Are you close or distant now to siblings and has this influenced your own family planning?

Thanks!

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 03/09/2014 23:45

I have a sister but she is a lot younger than me we have different dads cant say I was lonely though we have a huge extended family all local so was always some cousin or other around I have 2 dc

MrsPiggie · 03/09/2014 23:45

I have one brother. We hated each other as children, now we just ignore each other. But I think it did me good not being an only child. I have 2 DCs, same age difference as me and my brother, I never wanted more, don't think I could cope with more. I just wish they will have the relationship me and my brother missed out on. So far they seem to be doing fine.

Mrsjayy · 03/09/2014 23:49

I love my sister but we have nothing in common and dont see each other much

Batmam · 03/09/2014 23:52

I'm from a big family. Loved it growing up and love it now. The relationship I have with each sibling has its own strengths. If I could afford it I would have loads of children but will probably stop at 3 (...or 4!)

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 03/09/2014 23:54

I have one brother, 23 months younger than me. I have a boy and a girl, also 23 months apart, seems pretty good to me.

whois · 03/09/2014 23:54

12 year age gap between me and my big sister. She was lonely and wants a big family now (three and counting).

I liked being a 'second only child' and enjoyed the attention and opportunities being a 'second only' presented. Parents had more time and more money.

Coughle · 03/09/2014 23:58

Middle of 3,I like my siblings but am not close to them and rarely see them. We just don't have much in common. My oldest sibling and I might be closer if there were only us (although I would not wish the younger away of course!)

This has been good to read - I will probably have to stop at 2 and I feel much happier and more grounded about that now.

kslatts · 04/09/2014 00:00

I have one sister (3 years younger than me). We are very close.

I also have 2 dd's (2.5 years apart).

I hope when they are older they have a similar relationship to the one I have with my sister.

jeanmiguelfangio · 04/09/2014 00:00

I was an only (my parents divorced when I was 15, and we have a merged family so there are 4 of us in total) I loved it. I have one dd. I loved my childhood, I had lots of opportunities and have a good relationship with my parents.
my dh is one of 3. He hates it. He is the eldest with 2 younger sisters. I have just asked him when in his childhood was good- he said when he moved out. Suppose that sums it up quite nicely!

tmae · 04/09/2014 00:00

I'm one of six and love it. I don't think I would have six but I did love it. I think it tends to depend on who you get as a sibling or siblings more than how many.

tmae · 04/09/2014 00:02

Just to add in case you wanted genders, we are five girls and one boy, also, I was the second born.

SockQueen · 04/09/2014 00:14

DH and I are both one of two, both have same-sex siblings. There is a moderate age gap between me and my DSis (4 years) and we get on well but aren't super-close - don't see each other often as she lives abroad. DH has a slightly smaller age gap, 2.5 years, but a similar relationship with his brother.

I never wanted another sibling, though I think it was never presented as an option as mum was on the older side by mid-80s standards and I think there were struggles and MCs between me and my sister. 2 seemed like a very normal number to me and I had quite a few baby cousins later on to play with, so never wanted another baby of "our own."

We would like 2 DC but haven't started trying for no.1 yet so have no idea what life will throw at us!

Glastokitty · 04/09/2014 00:19

I was a very happy only, and I have a very happy only. My husband was the eldest of four, but was an only until he was seven. He gets on fine with his siblings but they aren't hugely close ( we live on the other side of the world for a start). My mum was one of ten and had a miserable childhood, and her most of her siblings are crazy which probably influenced our decisions to have onlies.

AmericasTorturedBrow · 04/09/2014 00:26

One brother who in incredibly close to despite hating each other as teens. I have two (one of each) and that's enough for me

Dubjackeen · 04/09/2014 00:29

If I am extremely honest, I would wish for a different family set up, but que sera sera.

elQuintoConyo · 04/09/2014 00:35

I have one older sister by two years. She is a narcissist just like our mother. We speak by Skype about once a month, just so our dc can wave at each other, but that's about it.
We hated each other growing up, we are chalk and cheese.

DH is 3rd of 6 (4 boys, then two girls). We all live in the same town, except one who moved to Holland and converted religion to marry his gf. He has one dc age 4, he has never visited (he is rich, and stupid).

Of D's siblings (apart from the abroad one), one DBil has 5 dc, aged 13-4, one DSil has a dd 3 months older than our DS.

We will only have one child. But he has 6 cousins in the same small town and an amazing relationship with his cousin of the same age - they egg each other on, it's hilarious!

Lumineer · 04/09/2014 00:40

I was one of 4. Hated it. Felt too many. Cash was not short but stretched so I couldn't do all the things my friends did and there were always annoying younger siblings people around.

I have 2 and will stop there.

It's nice having 4 of us now but not nice enough to make me have more.

GiveMeCheesecake · 04/09/2014 01:09

My family consisted of me, DB and my parents. I don't feel I missed out within that small unit as I'm not sure how I could miss something I have no experience of. So just having an older DB was fine. Although we didn't get along until we were adults.

However, I am quite envious of people who come from families with lots of aunts and uncles and cousins. I'm not close to any of mine and my GPs are pretty much strangers to me despite DM speaking to them 10 times a day on the phone.

DP is the eldest of 7 (made up of half-siblings so didn't grow up as a 7) but he is close to all of them, some more than others but still close. He also has lots of cousins, aunts and uncles and although not as close to them now, he has great memories of his wider family growing up. And his GPs are his everything.

I would've liked to have experienced that.

LetticeKnollys · 04/09/2014 01:16

I'm an only child, I didn't like it then and I don't like it now! I think I fit the 'weird' only child stereotype perfectly and it has affected my social development. My parents were a bit odd and neglectful though, I just can't help but think that it would have been a bit better if there had been someone else to share it with.
Now, I wish I could give my DC an aunt or uncle, I wish I had someone who was from the same background as me, and I wish that should anything happen to one of my parents I would maybe have someone to help with things.
I'm about to (as in, 38 weeks about to!) give birth to DS1 who will have a lovely elder half brother, and I am glad he will never be an only child.

MummyBeerest · 04/09/2014 02:19

I have one full sister, one half sister.

I like them both alright, but if we weren't family I don't think we'd hangout.

I have one DD and am firmly on the fence about having another. Seeing all the new babies at the park make me undeniably broody. But I like my sanity, too. Toss up really.

Morloth · 04/09/2014 04:56

I am one of 6 but am stopping at 2 myself.

My family are great but my mum is still a ball of energy in her mid-70s.

I don't have that kind of bounce and feel I can do my 'best' parenting with 2 rather than more.

DarceyBustle · 04/09/2014 05:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andrewofgg · 04/09/2014 05:30

One DSis seven years older. As children we squabbled but we have got closer over the years because the relative age difference has dwindled. We have bee there for each other in life's crises and have shared life's joys.

MonkeyMonkeyUnderpants · 04/09/2014 05:44

I had a mix since my parents split when I was 5.

I stayed with my dad and was an only child until I was 8 when my mum and her DP had my half brother. We get on great. I'm 24 now and he's 16 and we're really close, talk about almost everything and really enjoy each others company, but we didn't get on so much when we were younger because as a teen I found him very annoying.

Since I was 18 I've also had 3 step brothers who live in in another part of the world with my Dad and my Step Mum, we get along well. They're all younger than me too, and I only really talk to the older one between my visits.

I loved my childhood, I got to be an only child Monday to Friday, then a big sister on the weekends. It worked for me, but I don't think it would work for everyone as I think my dad was a saint for raising me on his own, and playing with me every night whilst also working all day and most of the nights after I went to bed.

Bibbitybobbetyboo · 04/09/2014 05:47

I am the eldest of 3. Didn't get on with my younger sister when growing up but that changed when we both had children and now see her every week. Have always got on well with my younger brother although I'm not as close to him now as I am my sister. I have 1 DS and 1 DD and am in a constant dilemma as to whether to have a third - I'd love DD to have a sister and love the added hustle and bustle of 3 rather than 2. I go back and forth on the idea a thousand times a day and always hope that threads like this will help me decide once and for all but quite often they simply add to my confusion

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