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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask if you enjoyed your own family set up?

110 replies

burgatroyd · 03/09/2014 21:34

As part of my 'shall I stop at two' conundrum (see are teenagers more expensive?) I'm curious about whether you benefitted from coming from a large or small family.

Perhaps you were a lonely only or enjoyed being a single child.
Or you felt lost amongst a brood or liked having two or more siblings.
Are you closer to your brother or sister?
Step or half siblings?

Are you close or distant now to siblings and has this influenced your own family planning?

Thanks!

OP posts:

wigglesrock · 03/09/2014 21:54

I was the eldest of 2 daughters, it was ok when we were kids (there's 2 years between me and my sister), it was harder and I always wanted another sibling or two when I reached 13 or so. My sister and I were very different, I always felt I had to conform to what my parents wanted me to be. I felt quite pressurised, I was held to quite exacting standards - I think it might have been nice to have a bit of a buffer, safety in numbers, a little sibling gang.

I developed a much closer relationship with my sister in my 30s, we are very close now. I'm also much closer to my parents.

I have 3 daughters, 3 was a very definite choice for us.

littlejohnnydory · 03/09/2014 21:54

One sister here, I think it led to a lot of comparison and competition. No scope for individual attributes, just one "better" and one "worse" at everything. One "favourite" and one "other"....we don't speak now which is said because we used to be very close, I think it's generally a result of being played off against each other and manipulated. So...no, I didn't like our set-up! And we've got 3 dc, one more on the way which will be the last.

PacificDogwood · 03/09/2014 21:55

Oh, and I always wanted an older brother

I think we all either try to emulate our family of origin or try to do the polar opposite if our own experience was not so good.

DH is one of 3.

Like I said, no idea why we thought 4 would be a good idea.

Andro · 03/09/2014 21:56

I was a very happy only, very close to my father and at least had the illusion that my mother loved me even if she didn't understand me. When my brothers were born I was ejected to boarding school, still close to my father but lost any illusion that my mother gave a toss about me.

I have 2 adopted dc (full siblings), fortunately they get on...mostly.

EveDallasRetd · 03/09/2014 21:57

I have (had) 5 siblings.

I was the baby - mothered (smothered) by two of my sibs, bullied by one. The house was always full and always noisy, but I was also quite lonely being younger. Love my parents to bits but resented having the oldest parents in class and having sibs that were old enough to be my parents

I left home at 17, joined the Army at 18. Went home periodically. Always pissed off that after driving/flying/travelling for hours I would be expected to then travel again to sibs houses. Also resent the fact that I was expected to buy presents and use up my leave to attend birthday parties etc for my sibs children, whereas when my own was born they never did the same. I hardly ever see my sibs now

I have one DD and won't be having any more!

needaholidaynow · 03/09/2014 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhispersOfWickedness · 03/09/2014 22:00

I was an only and hated hated hated it. So many things went on (divorces/remarriages/etc) that I would have liked someone to share those experiences with (and possibly some of them wouldn't have happened with a sibling there).
Bar infertility, I never would have chosen to have an only child. I would have liked 4, but DH was one of two and wanted to stick with two, so that's what we have

notadoctor · 03/09/2014 22:00

I have one older brother and love him to bits, always got on well growing up and we're different enough to avoid too much rivalry. We had a very happy family dynamic.

I have a DD and a DS and would like at least one more.

Strokethefurrywall · 03/09/2014 22:09

I was middle of 3, loved it (all bickering and usual middle child syndrome histronics aside!)

We lost my younger brother to cancer a couple of years ago and my sister and I miss him beyond words.

I have 2 sons, I would love a third child in a few years as a way of somehow giving my kids the similar great times my siblings and I had growing up - I'm on the fence though as we live in on a very expensive island and private education is mega bucks.

olgaga · 03/09/2014 22:18

Fourth of 7 - three older half brothers, one brother & one younger brother and sister

Never enough money, no space, no privacy, plenty of tension, physical and mental abuse, torture and torment.

I have one DD. Never wanted more. I'm just pleased to be able to give her the kind of childhood I wish I'd had.

She is content being an only child, not least because her many friends are always moaning about their siblings and telling her how lucky she is.

comedancing · 03/09/2014 22:18

One of 9...big big family...still great friends with my 4 sisters..we depend on each other a lot..babysitting...chatting onphone..good relationship with four brothers..catch up at least monthly...big family gatherings for every opportunity....we are a bit intimidating for the iin-laws though as they took a while to get used to all the noise and constant entertaining and visiting..l love it... Love them all...l have 3 DC...they are very individual in their own lives and sometimes l don't know how close they will be as get older..now 19 to 24...don't fight but just seem to get on with their own stuff

DramaAlpaca · 03/09/2014 22:24

I have one brother and we are not close.

DH comes from a family of four, and they get on well together. We see a lot of his siblings and all our children are close.

I am certain our family dynamics influenced us in our decision to have three children. DH would've been happy enough to stick at two, but because I was from a family of two that was not close, I desperately wanted a third child. We are very happy with our decision.

VelvetEmbers · 03/09/2014 22:24

I have one brother 2 years younger. We were very close as children but fell out in our 20s, and didn't speak for much of our 40s. He and SIL have suddenly got really friendly and approachable again, and it's most odd.

He was very much the favourite, the golden child, while I couldn't ever seem to do anything right. I desperately wanted another sibling so it wasn't just the favourite and the other one. I particularly wanted an older brother, but obviously that wasn't going to happen.

I decided I would have one or 3. Took my 9 yo ("only") cousin out for the day when DC1 was a baby and was so shocked at her mini-grownup behaviour that thought only 1 wasn't a good idea. Also thought one would be too precious and I needed to spread the load a bit. DC2 was a boy so we were already planning DC3 as soon as he was born. Had DC4 when DC1 was 5.

DC5 was then born 15 years later and I'm finding that one isn't a good number. Hangs around me all the time. No-one to play with. Just like my cousin (who has had 2 children herself).

Original poster

burgatroyd · 03/09/2014 22:32

velvet you had four under five! Do they get along now?

OP posts:

GrouchyKiwi · 03/09/2014 22:35

Am one of 7, and I loved it. We all get on well, apart from the occasional episode. I don't see them much now, though, as they're all in NZ and I'm in the UK.

DH is from a very small family so finds it a little overwhelming when we go visit.

We have 2 DDs so far and plan to have four children. I'd like more, though, so tease DH that we'll have twins for our 4th pregnancy.

Squitten · 03/09/2014 22:46

I have a younger brother. We get on fine but are not close. Both mine and DH's family are all pairs of siblings so we always wanted something different ourselves. We have 3 DC now and are hoping to create a closer family unit than the ones we were raised in.

TalcumPowder · 03/09/2014 22:55

I'm the eldest of four, all close in age, and it was no fun at all - in a tiny house on a tiny income, with elderly extended family also under the same roof, it was overcrowded, not enough space, love, attention, privacy, food, money to go around. We're all civil as adults, but all live in different countries and seldom speak - all trying to claim the individual space we never had as children.

DarkHeart · 03/09/2014 23:01

I am an only child and so is my ds. I benefited from being the only one.

VelvetEmbers · 03/09/2014 23:15

burgatroyd they get on very well. In fact 3 of them live together by choice (all in their 20s).

Cheeky76890 · 03/09/2014 23:18

Mum had 4. She should have only had 2. She didn't have the interest, attention or time for 4

PleaseNoMoreMinecraft · 03/09/2014 23:18

I'm the eldest of four, but very spread out. That said, we get on really well and still try to meet up once every month or two for a meal or a pint despite three of us having families and all four living in different areas. I think the fact that we're quite different helps because we all have our own things going on, so something to talk about when we meet!

PleaseNoMoreMinecraft · 03/09/2014 23:19

Sorry - spread out age-wise - 18 years between me and my youngest sis! Same parents.

TeamScotland · 03/09/2014 23:21

Massively blended family.

I have 3 brothers, one sister. Three dads and 4 mothers made us!!

TeamScotland · 03/09/2014 23:22

Oh, we have two, same parents.

Thisvehicleisreversing · 03/09/2014 23:25

I'm 1 of 3 with 2 brothers, one being 6 years older and one 6 years younger than me.

Growing up I noticed the age gaps a lot. We weren't particularly close because we just didn't have anything in common.

I'm close to my younger brother now, we share a lot of interests. However we aren't as close to by older brother. I love him of course and like spending time with him but conversation is only ever about our DCs and we have nothing else in common.

I have 2 DSs and that's how it's stopping. I couldn't have 3 kids, it was an awkward number to be growing up in and I hated being a middle child. I think if I ever did fall pregnant with a 3rd, I'd have to try again for a 4th to even it up.

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