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Original poster

Emotional affair

119 replies

sadandgutted · 01/09/2014 22:16

I found he was chatting to an ex of over 20 years ago about this time last year... she came across him online "by chance." I couldn't believe the filth they'd been talking about it made me feel totally inadequate. He even drove 200 miles to meet her for coffee and back the same day. When I challenged him he swore that nothing had happened.

I told him to stop speaking to her or it was over. He said he had and I've been trying to rebuild my shattered trust. I've just discovered he hasn't. He forgot to log out of his FB earlier. My son went on and she thought it was my husband online!!!

She's single with nothing to lose. I feel so fucking powerless to stop this.

Who else has had this and how do you deal with these bitches who tell your partner that an online relationship is not cheating. I've just read that - I really did.

It is and I am so fucking angry again I could kill them both for this.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 02/09/2014 19:41

I would have made sure my H got the punishment, tbh. But, it's done now. How are things, OP ?

LittlePeaPod · 02/09/2014 19:43

Wow, you have MASSIVE cahonas Op.

As others have said. You deserve better tan this and good on you of leaving.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 02/09/2014 19:47

I really hope you are at your mums now.

Because apart from the rest of it, there's no way on this earth he drove 200 miles just for coffee.

You issued your ultimatum and now you must stick to it.

PiperRose · 02/09/2014 19:48

Would you copy the messages and email your husbands work?

empathetic · 02/09/2014 19:51

I understand your shock and anger but:

"I've cut and pasted the whole thread and sent it to the company email address, and made a complaint"

is out of order Sad.

I suspect you will live to regret it, 2 wrongs not making a right.

sonjadog · 02/09/2014 19:53

Normally I would say that, but she was making racist comments about someone she works closely with. I think she deserves what she gets on the background of that alone.

PiperRose · 02/09/2014 20:01

Totally out of order.

LinaDee · 02/09/2014 20:02

Oh dear OP. So sorry you're going through this.

Certainly doesn't sound like he wants to stop communication with her. You're doing the right thing by moving to your Mothers. You deserve much better!

Sparrowlegs248 · 02/09/2014 20:04

Bloody he'll OP what a shitty thing to find. So the woman was doing all this chatting on her work email? What an idiot. Indeed shit will hit the fan but no more than she deserves. Hope you are out of there and at your mums.

magoria · 02/09/2014 20:06

Unless she is a telephone/video sex worker then she shouldn't be discussing anal sex with someone non work related on work time.

Maybe not the OPs business to report her but the company may like to know what they are paying their employee to do.

CarryOnDancing · 02/09/2014 20:11

Bad move on the email OP, don't let bitterness lead you. Forget this woman now or you will embarrass yourself further.

Huge congratulations on getting this twat out of your life though. You stuck to your word and that took guts!

I do however get the feeling that you deal in grand gestures and when it all calms down he might start to worm his way back in?!

LittlePeaPod · 02/09/2014 20:13

Unless she is a telephone/video sex worker then she shouldn't be discussing anal sex with someone non work related on work time.

^This^. She should have thought about her actions whilst using up business time. If you play with fire then prepare to get burned! Never mind the sex emails, I don't think the company will take kindly to the racist remarks. She as just been scorched. It's a shame you haven't burned your partner in the same way, Op. His getting away with it lightly.

zeezeek · 02/09/2014 20:21

I do have a lot of sympathy for you, but as others have said you have made a BIG mistake by e-mailing her company. Your issue is with your DH, not her. You don't know what shit he has been telling her about your relationship (away from the text/FB messages) so you don't know at all what she is like, what she thinks the situation with him really is. Her actions are nothing to do with you. His are. You have punished her and allowed him to get what he presumably wants at this point - you out of his house.

Still, none of us can predict what we would do in that situation and good luck with the legalities of splitting up.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 02/09/2014 20:25

I'm so sorry OP that you have got a nasty cheating shit of a husband. Get good and mad at him now- how dare he treat you like this?! What a cunt Angry

As for OW she's really a secondary problem, however it totally serves her right you've reported her to her boss. Was this all on work time via her work email? fucking idiot deserves everything she gets just for being so stupid!

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 02/09/2014 20:29

I do think it's a shame your dick head husband seems to have got away with what is far worse. really hope you can come up with a truly good comeback for him too.

HumblePieMonster · 02/09/2014 20:31

Who else has had this and how do you deal with these bitches who tell your partner that an online relationship is not cheating

You are in the wrong. How? She owes you nothing at all. She isn't a 'bitch', she's a person living her life the best she can, like the rest of us. She isn't married to you and she doesn't have to support or uphold your marriage for you. By emailing her company you have demeaned yourself, not her.

Your husband is the only one you have a complaint against. He's a cheat who doesn't care about your feelings. So what are you doing about him?

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/09/2014 20:35

I wouldn't have done that. Goodness knows what your H has been telling her about you, him, your relationship. He is a proved liar and cheat after all. I hope she is as bad as you think because otherwise you fucked up.

I know why you are angry though and I can't feel a lot of sympathy for a racist.

MorrisZapp · 02/09/2014 20:38

Exactly what humblepie said. You're focusing on the wrong person here. He's the one who owes you love and respect.

LittlePeaPod · 02/09/2014 20:40

I am sorry but it doesn't matter what the husband said to OW. At the end of the day she should have told him to leave before anything happened. She didn't instead she choose to carry on knowing he had a partner/wife and worse of all using company time idot. She is a racist, cheat that's about to learn a very painful lesson about integrity! However I do agree that the husband has got away lightly!

AnyFucker · 02/09/2014 20:40

OP, it's done now. No going back.

I hope you never take him back, because if you do it would compound the damage that women seem to be able to mete out to each other but struggle to rain on top of the bloke's head in the middle of this mess.

Notagainmun · 02/09/2014 20:46

Your H is the one who has cheated on you but if she knows he is married/with someone else she is a bitch of the highest order and deserves a taste of your revenge. Now give him some too.

McBear · 02/09/2014 20:52

Amazed that you emailed the company. I have a feeling that won't end well.

I never know what to say about these 'bitches'. She's clearly not a nice person to actively go after your husband but I always say, I wouldn't want the only reason my DP didn't cheat on me was because the woman wouldn't. His guilty mind is still there as would his guilty act if not but for!

You're very brave to leave and I wish you all the best

ValerieTheVodkaFairy · 02/09/2014 21:01

Well done on sending the email. Regardless of whether or not she is shagging your husband, she is using a work email to make racist remarks about a colleague,. She is also using it to send filthy messages which then found their way into the hands of a child. I think the company needs to be made aware of this.

However, it's your husband who has betrayed you. if it wasn't this woman, it would be someone else. How are you going to punish him?

nocabbageinmyeye · 02/09/2014 21:14

Obviously yes the op's anger should lie primarily with her dp but I cannot believe that all of you saying she shouldn't be angry with the other woman wouldn't want to kill her (not literally) if it were you in that situation. As for her just being a person trying to do her best in life or whatever shite that was - oh please! She's a tramp, anyone who carries on like that is simply out to have their ego boosted and doesn't give a toss about anyone, so no she is not completely to blame but she is not blameless and yes she deserves to be left read faced when she has to explain her anal conversation at the very least.

Hope your OK op

Sickoffrozen · 02/09/2014 21:14

Stick to your plans.

If you forgive him twice, he has basically been given your permission to go on treating you like shit!

He actually got the green light to continue when you forgave him the first time. That was a risk that you felt was worth it and I don't blame you for that. Forgiving him again would be a huge mistake.

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