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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how it is affordable to be a SAHM?

502 replies

Moobieboobie · 01/09/2014 21:03

This is not a WOHM vs SAHM debate but am genuinely curious ....... I am on mat leave with DC2 and keep being asked if I am returning to work. I would love to stay at home this time round but sadly this is not a possibility as both myself and DH earn roughly the same thus my salary is 50% of the household costs. We would not receive any benefits etc as we would still be above the threshold even without my salary. If there is someway around this please let me know as I will try anything!!

OP posts:
RonaldMcDonald · 02/09/2014 13:34

I still don't understand why people in a relationship do not simply split the cost of childcare between them
Suddenly they can afford to go back to work

treaclesoda · 02/09/2014 13:36

it doesn't work like that in reality though. If one partner earns less than the cost of childcare then the overall family income is lower if the lower earner goes our to work.

Fairylea · 02/09/2014 13:39

Ronald, if the family income is for example £44k (both partners income combined) and the lower salary is £4 and childcare costs £4k or more then the overall family income will be either the same or worse off if the lower income partner goes to work. If all income is pooled (as I believe it should be in a family) then paying half each simply makes no sense whatsoever.

Fairylea · 02/09/2014 13:40

*lower salary is £4k - not 4 pounds!

googoodolly · 02/09/2014 13:40

"I still don't understand why people in a relationship do not simply split the cost of childcare between them"

because it doesn't make any difference if the 1k cost of childcare comes from me or DP, it's still 1k that we're worse off each month Hmm

Mintyy · 02/09/2014 13:42

God why do people find it hard to understand?!

Its not rocket surgery.

Am surprised some of you have got jobs if you can't understand these extremely simple sums.

Mintyy · 02/09/2014 13:43

Ronald, what do you do for a living?

Fairylea · 02/09/2014 13:47

I can only imagine that those think childcare should be split between both people don't have totally pooled incomes. That's the only way paying half the childcare each would work as both parties would keep some of their income - but this in itself is madness because surely in a family / partnership all income should be pooled together and bills paid out of it and whatever is left to spend equally regardless of who earns what.. well you'd think anyway. That's what we do.

ChickenFajitaAndNachos · 02/09/2014 13:47

Hopefully not an accountant or tax person.

CatThiefKeith · 02/09/2014 13:50

When I had dd dh and I earned similar salaries - I was on 20k, he was on 23k.

I lost my job when I was 7 months pregnant, but hadn't been there long enough to qualify for redundancy pay. I did get 3 months notice pay, and then when I had her I didn't want to go back to work so we made the following cuts:

One car between us as DH gets a work van

Bought a new build house instead of our old draughty Victorian one. As it is so energy efficient our bills are now less than half

I walk as much as possible

I work part time, at weekends, so dh can cover the childcare. When he can't as he has two jobs Dm or Mil will usually help out.

Meal plans, and I shop in Aldi and the local market for meat and veg.

No foreign holidays, this year will be out first in 3 years, and we have saved like mad for it. We bought a tent instead.

I am an expert sale shopper, and rarely pay full price for anything.

Neither of us have a social life, dh works thurs - Sunday evenings anyway, so no great loss really.

Writerwannabe83 · 02/09/2014 13:55

When I look at our childcare in relation to my individual wage it would only leave me £900 a month which wouldn't be enough to enable me to make my contribution to our joint account, pay my direct debits, pay for petrol and pay out for other general stuff. So in that sense I would be saying, "I can't afford the childcare I need to stay off work!"

However, when the childcare cost is looked at in terms of mine and DH's joint wage then me returning to work wouldn't be a problem at all as his wage would pick up the slack. I.e my contribution to the joint income would he less but he would pay more in order to make up for it.

ohweeeell · 02/09/2014 13:56

I think it all comes down to personal experience and priorities. Both myself and DH were brought up in one parent families, we were looked after by grandparents, aunts, family friends so that out mothers could work, not their choice but not what we want for out DC if we can help it.

I have friends who want to go back to work, despite not earning much at all after paying for childcare because they have worked hard to get to where they are in their career and that is important to them.

In my view you just can't have it all at once, something has to give and it's up to you what is sacrificed.

Not pooling income I find strange, we have friends who are married with 1 DC, they put an equal amount into the pot which covers mortgage, bills, childcare, food, cars, etc. and what is left in each of their accounts is for them to do with what they want... Not sure how this works long term as DH earns more than DW so does that means he gets more nights out, weekends away with friends, new clothes, shoes because he can afford it and she can't, seems strange to me but each to their own!

MollyBdenum · 02/09/2014 14:09

If you have £900 a month left after childcare, then you can afford to work. In my last job (8 years ago) I worked full time with irregular shifts and had take home pay of just over £800. Staying at home with my children was cheaper than working.

ScarlettlovesRhett · 02/09/2014 14:12

Childcare for 2 under school-age children wiped out almost all of one salary for us (we have always earned roughly equal).

Had I been a sahm, our financial situation would have been no different to me working - but, by carrying on working (essentially for free), when my kids were both finally in school we were a lot better off in the long run.

For me, although I could have technically 'afforded' to sah, it would have only made financial sense for a very short space of time.

Unless you are:

  1. Eligible for tax credit top ups
  2. Other partner earns mega money
then it is a fine balance as to affordability.
StrangeGlue · 02/09/2014 14:12

I think it depends on your pre-existing fixed out goings. The size of our mortgage means dual income.

dietcokeandwine · 02/09/2014 14:21

Depends on the cost of childcare versus what you'd earn though writer.

I am very lucky in that DH is a high earner, he could also cover any slack if I went back to work.

But with the ages and number of children we have, living in the area we do, we'd really need a nanny. Cost £10.50 ph, equates to around £30k a year ish.

So I'd need a job paying me enough to make this a sensible financial option. Which I wouldn't be able to at this stage. Not much point in getting a job paying £20k if childcare going to cost £10k more! Even if DH picked up the slack. We'd be worse off overall as a family. I would have to seriously love the job or hate the SAHM role to do that.

Of course, many people reading my post will then say 'well move away somewhere cheaper then' but the industry DH works in is very much based around the area we live in. It can become a bit of a catch 22 situation.

morethanpotatoprints · 02/09/2014 14:22

Writer, your household is still losing that childcare money every week though irrespective of who pays for it.

dietcokeandwine · 02/09/2014 14:24

Scarlett makes a good point too re the short term and long term view.

I have a couple of friends who literally paid to go to work during their kids' preschool years, because it made sense for them to keep their careers going. Now their kids are in school they're much better off. It was a short term pain for long term gain thing.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 02/09/2014 14:27

I've only skimmed, but don't forget to take the costs of you working into account - I don't mean the childcare, but your fares, lunches, clothes, magazines to read on the train, lattes, etc all add up.

I freelance from home and was astonished by how much less I spend now I work in jeans and eat the food from the fridge (though heating etc is probably higher because I'm at home).

HavanaSlife · 02/09/2014 14:31

Writer, having 900 left yourself after childcare is not the same as your wage not covering cc and it eating into your dh wage as well

Some people cant afford for cc to wipe out one wage and some of their partners wage as well. Come on its really not that hard to 'get' surely?

HavanaSlife · 02/09/2014 14:33

The not hard to get part was aimed at ronald

morethanpotatoprints · 02/09/2014 14:35

minty Grin

Its not rocket surgery ha ha

CoolCat2014 · 02/09/2014 14:43

I'm on maternity leave and currently weighing it up.

Childcare for one child would leave me with approximately £150 a month of my salary, and I'm not sure that is enough to lure me back into work, when I'd have to cover expenses (eg car, petrol, etc) out of that. Don't have family nearby who can help.

I'm thinking more of working from home and/or starting up my own business.

Writerwannabe83 · 02/09/2014 14:49

The point I was making was after childcare bring deducted from 'my wage' which would leave me £900 is that the £900 wouldn't be enough for me to pay out my my normal expenses:

£750 into the joint account.
£250 for my individual direct debits.
£60 a month for my petrol.

So that would leave me £-160 before even having any money just to myself. Therefore, based on my individual wage I could not afford the childcare cost.

However, when me and DH view our wages as a joint income the childcare costs aren't an issue and I can return to work no problem as it means I can reduce how much I put into the joint account and he just puts in more.

Yes we are still losing the childcare money from our income but when it's assessed against my individual wage we "can't afford it" but in relation to our joint income we can.

Fairylea · 02/09/2014 14:53

Writer so you are saying if you pool all your income into one joint account, all bills come out including childcare and whatever is left split equally between you and your dh are you still better off? If so then of course it's worth working. If the cost of childcare out weighed any gain to be had then it's not. :)