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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

birthday meal

234 replies

helenenemo · 31/08/2014 20:32

I'm vegetarian. On most other birthdays we go to a local steakhouse and I have the one veggie option on the menu!!

It's my birthday next and I've chosen a lovely vegetarian/vegan place. Apparently I'm totally unreasonable and should change to somewhere with meat. I disagree so I'm turning it over to the lovely folk of MN!

Aibu?

OP posts:
Bulbasaur · 02/09/2014 22:20

You haven't explained how you can go to a meat restaurant if you are broke but not a vegetarian one. I'm all ears to find out! Broke is broke, surely?

Because if I'm low on money and I'm spending it on a meal, I want it to be one I enjoy. It's like breaking a diet. If I'm going to break a diet, I'm going to get the dessert I want, not the low-fat one that's breaking it anyway and doesn't taste as good.

Janethegirl · 02/09/2014 22:20

Goats cheese is truly gross.

Scholes34 · 02/09/2014 22:24

Janethegirl - absolutely - it just smells of, well, goats.

Bulbasaur - I think the OP would like her meal to be one that she will enjoy. And as it's her birthday, I think people could manage that - just this once. Vegetarian food is actually very tasty.

Bunbaker · 02/09/2014 22:29

Well said Scholes

Janethegirl · 02/09/2014 22:29

scholes Grin

Scholes34 · 02/09/2014 22:35

Coming back at you Jane Grin - anyone who dislikes goat's cheese is a friend of mine

Janethegirl · 02/09/2014 22:37

Thanks scholes Cake

Bulbasaur · 02/09/2014 22:39

I think the OP would like her meal to be one that she will enjoy. And as it's her birthday, I think people could manage that - just this once. Vegetarian food is actually very tasty.

Back to my original statement.

"If I was broke and someone wanted to go to a vegetarian place, they'd have to be a very close friend for me to even consider it."

If they were a close friend I'd do it for them because they are a friend. If they weren't, I'd politely have other things going on that night.

Janethegirl · 02/09/2014 22:42

Bulbasaur I agree 100% with your views

FunkyBoldRibena · 02/09/2014 22:47

Because if I'm low on money and I'm spending it on a meal, I want it to be one I enjoy. It's like breaking a diet. If I'm going to break a diet, I'm going to get the dessert I want, not the low-fat one that's breaking it anyway and doesn't taste as good.

A - if you are broke, then you can afford neither.
B - what makes you think you won't enjoy food just because it has no meat? Perhaps of you ate less meat the rest of the time, you would have more money in the first place.
C - veggies do this ALL the time, go to places and eat food they don't enjoy just to be social. It is rather telling that some meat eaters won't even contemplate it for their veggie friends.

FunkyBoldRibena · 02/09/2014 22:52

No, I just can't believe a veggie breakfast is worth eating!

No, I dare say you can't. It takes a lot of imagination to believe in such things like toast, hash browns, beans, tomatoes, eggs.

hallamoo · 02/09/2014 23:04

I'll come with you on your birthday to a vegetarian restaurant, OP, and I loooove goats cheese!

The thing that always makes me laugh is when meat eaters say 'oh, I don't really like veggie food' and then at a buffet, they're first up and scoff all the veggie canapés before the vegetarians can get near them!

FunkyBoldRibena · 02/09/2014 23:09

Don't get me started on the one!!! Every bloody time.

sunflower49 · 02/09/2014 23:11

Hallamoo don't get me started on that! A few of my friendship group are vegan, a large number are vegetarian. At gatherings/weddings/parties, vegan food is first to go!! Because IT's different, the omnivores jump in and are like 'ooooh what's this gimme some 'o that!' I barely get a look in!

OP, if you need to make the numbers up I'll be your long lost friend.... ;)

FunkyBoldRibena · 02/09/2014 23:16

The OP is on track to have the biggest birthday meal out ever!

Bulbasaur · 02/09/2014 23:28

A - if you are broke, then you can afford neither.
Sometimes when people say they're broke, they mean they're low on spending money. I think the general understanding is that when people say they're broke, they obviously don't mean one step away from the poor house.

B - what makes you think you won't enjoy food just because it has no meat? Perhaps of you ate less meat the rest of the time, you would have more money in the first place.
Because I don't generally like vegetarian dishes? How do I know I won't enjoy Mexican food at a Mexican restaurant if I don't like Mexican food? Probably because I know my own likes and dislikes.

C - veggies do this ALL the time, go to places and eat food they don't enjoy just to be social. It is rather telling that some meat eaters won't even contemplate it for their veggie friends.
I see no one forcing them to. If they don't want to go out to a place to eat, don't do it. There's coffee shops, shopping trips, drinking at pubs, movies etc.. they can go to for socializing. A restaurant is not their only course of action here.

I'm not sitting there telling vegetarians to broaden their horizons and eat meat and see what it has to offer. So I don't see what the problem is by declining.

SolidGoldBrass · 02/09/2014 23:39

There are, actually, quite a lot of types of restaurant that offer both meat and a selection of meat-free meals, even to the unadventurous: most Italian restaurants will have several each of pasta/pizza/risotto type dishes which do not contain meat. This is also true of Indian and Chinese or Japanese places. I think even a few Tex-Mex type restaurants these days have more than one option for the non-meat-eating diners. Is a compromise possible, or do you live somewhere with only a limited selection of accessible eating places, OP?

Maybe the OP's friends are just boring and selfish and don't want to try anything new. But maybe the restaurant she's proposing is out of their comfort zone for more than one reason - it's further away, or harder to find, or it's more expensive (yeah yeah general rule of catering is that meatfree meals are cheaper but if the 'usual steakhouse' is the local Berni Inn and the OP's choice some super fancy hipster vegan joint where even the bread and olives is about £15 a plateful, that might be a consideration, too.)

Sapat · 03/09/2014 02:55

There is nothing wrong with vegetarian/vegan food, very tasty. Surely people can miss out on meat once?! Even if you are a diehard meat eater, you can go for the "exotic" experience of such a restaurant, even if you need to stop at a burger van on the return to top up on protein.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 03/09/2014 03:06

I eat meat and I couldn't think of much worse than going to a steakhouse.

Bunbaker · 03/09/2014 06:37

"It is rather telling that some meat eaters won't even contemplate it for their veggie friends."

I agree. Sadly, I don't think anyone here can persuade the few narrow minded die hard carnivores that vegetarian food is tasty.

Even as a meat eater I can't imagine eating three meat meals a day. The very thought of it gives me indigestion.

MidniteScribbler · 03/09/2014 09:10

I will happily cook vegetarian at home, but I will admit that I've never really had anything I fancied at a vegetarian restaurant (and I have been to quite a few). But I still go because that's what you do for your friends. I paste a smile on my face, order whatever looks the most appealing to me, and celebrate with them.

SolidGoldBrass · 03/09/2014 09:28

I have eaten in vegetarian restaurants, too, and on the whole I'd rather not. Everything tends to be soggy, stodgy and look like someone's already eaten it for you. OK, some are nice - some Indian restaurants (as long as you like Indian food, which not everyone does) can be really good, and I once attended a vegan wedding reception, with three-course sit-down vegan meal which was delicious, but the majority of meat-free restaurants (where being meat-free is a major selling point of the place) have been more like doing penance than having a celebration.

notinagreatplace · 03/09/2014 09:45

The point is that the OP and virtually every vegetarian out there is constantly 'doing penance' with rubbish food at restaurants in order to see their friends - it doesn't seem unreasonable for meat eaters to do so once in a blue moon. It's about realising that it's not always about you.

I don't particularly see why the OP should 'compromise' and go for Italian/Indian - her friends have chosen restaurants for their birthdays according to their own preferences, they haven't thought "well, I love steak but rather than go to a steakhouse, I'll suggest X restaurant which serves steak but also has other options for people who don't like steak and for the vegetarian" they've just thought "I love steak, let's go to a steakhouse." So, the norm in the OP's social circle is that the birthday person picks. Why should the OP be the only one who doesn't get to?

The OP says quite clearly that her friends are whining about her choice because it doesn't have meat, not because of expense/location.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 03/09/2014 09:47

Bunbaker You forgot tattie scones and veggie haggis (the only 'like for like' sub worth making, it's delicious and nicer than normal haggis).

I really want a cooked breakfast now. Let's all go out for breakfast!

RufusTheReindeer · 03/09/2014 11:17

Agree with buffet comments!!!!

Also when people want to get a selection of Indian or Chinese food...I don't understand why they don't get that if everyone has some of my dish I HAVE NO BLOODY FOOD!