birthday meal

[helenenemo]

I'm vegetarian. On most other birthdays we go to a local steakhouse and I have the one veggie option on the menu!!

It's my birthday next and I've chosen a lovely vegetarian/vegan place. Apparently I'm totally unreasonable and should change to somewhere with meat. I disagree so I'm turning it over to the lovely folk of MN!

Aibu?

[CornChips]

I periodically become vegetarian and my heart always sinks at the mushroom risotto or the ubiquitous bleeding Mediterranean vegetable tart. Not on my birthday, never. Token veg dishes are usually boring, tired, expensive and grim.

I took my Dparents to a Govinda's restaurant once- all vegan, all delicious. They honestly did not notice. And once also to an incredible Ethiopian place near us when we were in London. All vegan. They never noticed, just raved how delicious it all was.

[RiverTam]

to those who are saying YABU (the minority, I'm pleased to see), I assume when you book a restaurant and there's a/some veggie(s) in the party, you make sure you choose somewhere that has an equal number of veggie to meat/fish options? Or do you go on the basis that every veggie likes goat's cheese tart/mushroom risotto?

OP, YANBU. Your 'friends' sound very selfish (in their own choice of restaurant) and narrow-minded.

[FlyingHamster]

Gileswithachainsaw my brother is one of those people who likes to proclaim that he doesn't eat vegetarian food. Yet his favourite food which he eats a lot of is macaroni cheese. He doesn't add anything to it so it's not like he sticks meat in there like some people do, it's just plain macaroni cheese. He also eats lots of other meat free food without actually thinking about it yet he still likes to claim he doesn't eat vegetarian food and could never eat in a veggie restaurant.

I don't think he actually seems to grasp that vegetarian food is simply food without meat in. I guess he seems to think it's bland lentils, tofu and mung beans.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

I'm. Not veggie anymore but I was for years. Back in the day when it was really really hard and I lost count of how many stuffed peppers or mushroom tarts I had. I was vegan when restaurants had no idea what it was and got stuck with salad ffs.

My birthday when we went to a vegetarian Chinese was amazing. I ate soooo much because for the first time in years I didn't have to worry because they knew what a vegan was and it was all clearly labelled and I had an actual meal not the freezer burnt after thought.

It's one meal, they aren't going to spontaneously combust that there's no pig on the pre nests and I can't believe how selfish they are being. Clearly they are really unimaginative because they rely on the whole meat and two veg and thing they will end up with a plate of carrots or something.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Premises

[girlwithgreeneyes11]

Yanbu and I love nothing better than a steak meal.
Can't believe yabu camp.

[ShadowStar]

Yes, some definite double standards (and selfishness) from the YABU camp.

All this "but if I'm paying for a meal I want something I like and a decent choice!"

Completely ignoring the fact that this is exactly what the vegetarian wants too, something they are not getting at many meat serving restaurants, and something the vegetarian is compromising on if they're going out to someone else's birthday dinner at a steak house.

[Notso]

YANBU have you really tried selling it to them though?
DH hears vegetarian and imagines his favourite meat dishes without the meat, eg steak and chips becomes just chips, bacon toastie becomes toast.
He really lacks the imagination to think of a vegetarian meal, but will happily eat asparagus risotto, cauliflower cheese or daal.

[magicstar1]

My answer to people in this type of situation is that it's an invitation, not an order. If they don't want to come, then don't.

[wolfe1]

YANBU. Rule in our house is your birthday so you pick where we go for dinner. In fact, when my 14yo turned 14 we ended up at a milkshake/ice cream bar type thing (he has serious issues with food but can manage milkshakes if he is in the right mood). We did diner in the wrong order that night as we got take away pizza on the way home!!

My point is that for one night I think your friends could accommodate your preferences without making a fuss. I much prefer meat dishes but would happily go to a veggie restaurant if it was what one of my friends preferred tbh.

However, as other posters have said I wouldn't be surprised if some people said no. Money isn't tight for me at the moment but if it was and eating out was a rare thing then i may be a bit more reluctant to spend money on a dish i probably won't enjoy that much so thats worth bearing in mind.

[Bunbaker]

"Money isn't tight for me at the moment but if it was and eating out was a rare thing then i may be a bit more reluctant to spend money on a dish i probably won't enjoy that much so thats worth bearing in mind."

This clearly illustrates that meat eaters have (IMO ignorant) pre-conceived ideas about vegetarian food. Why would you assume a meal with no meat won't be as nice? Do you never eat pasta with pesto or tomato sauce/pizza/onion bhajis/quiche? All things that are quite naturally vegetarian without being "worthy"

[Bunbaker]

That should say some meat eaters. I eat meat as well, but love veggie and vegan food equally as well.

[wolfe1]

I actually don't eat many meals without meat tbh - My DH, DSS and 16yo are all big meat eaters so the vast majority of our meals contain some meat.

My sister is a vegetarian and i have been to vegetarian restaurants with her. I will eat meals without meat but I do prefer things such as pasta and pizza with meat. I also wouldn't consider onion bhajis or quiche as 'meals' in their own right.

Im not ignorant, however if i was spending limited funds on a meal out then i would probably want meat with my meal as i prefer it. I don't see the issue with that.

[5Foot5]

Im not ignorant, however if i was spending limited funds on a meal out then i would probably want meat with my meal as i prefer it. I don't see the issue with that.

What about if the OP has limited funds and would prefer it if she could, just occasionally, go to a restaurant that offers more than one thing on the menu that she can eat?

OP - YADNBU and I am not a vegetarian myself but I am quite happy to eat meat-free meals and often do.

Trouble is, if your friends are already complaining and cannot see for themselves how selfish and childish they are being then you have to be prepared that some of them might strop out and not go. Or go and then whinge and make a big production all night about "funny" food.

Like several others I am a bit gobsmacked at the YABU responses.

[wolfe1]

I actually said the op wasn't being unreasonable and that of course she should have the choice of where to go and spend her money on her birthday. I also said if she was my friend then of course I would go and I would not complain about the food or pull faces as that Is incredibly rude.

However, I also discussed a hypothetical situation that says I may not go if funds were limited and perhaps some of her friends may not either. The op also has a choice not to go others people birthday meals if she doesn't like the veggie options.

[RiverTam]

but it sounds like the OP would never go to any meals out with friends! And that is something that could be said of many veggies who have mainly non-veggie friends - their likes and dislikes are barely given a thought, as long as there's one of two options - well, that's all that matters, isn't it? Would you go to a restaurant that only had a couple of options? Just suck it up, time after time after time, just to spend time with your friends?

DH has to do this all the time with friends, and he does suck it up as he sees a meal out with friends as being about more than the food. What a pity hardcore meat-eaters can't do the same, just for once in their lives.

[ChoosandChipsandSealingWax]

YANBU and can't believe the YABU camp - DH is veggie and the lack of choice/imagination is rife. There's normally only one veggie main "option" (not an option IMO if there's nothing else to choose).
There's also often a fashionable ingredient eg butternut squash and every single time you go out that will be the Option, which gets a bit boring.

Can't the poor OP at least get a choice on her own birthday? Anyone who really wanted to celebrate with her would respect that, surely?

[ChoosandChipsandSealingWax]

(And let's not even go there with the assumption that he will eat fish/chicken as a vegetarian - WTAF?)

[wolfe1]

Why doesn't your DH suggests restaurants he likes? If he close enough with these people surely they would not resent his choice once in a while?

I spoke hypothetically (as stated) but thinking about it I doubt I would be in that situation. With my family and close friends we tend to take it in turns to pick restaurants so everyone gets something they love.

As I stated, numerous times, I would go and not complain. I go to plenty of resturants with friends and family that would not be my choice and I'm sure it's the same for them when I pick restaurants sometimes. This is because I enjoy sending time with them and am happy to compromise. All I said was that if money was tight I may be less happy to compromise is all.

[Treeceratops]

YANBU. Your birthday, your choice. If they cared about you, they would go regardless of what they think of the restaurant. FWIW the most exciting and imaginative restaurant I've been to is (vegetarian) Terre A Terre in Brighton.

[sunflower49]

This happened to me too, apart from it was a meal I was making at home. YADNBU. Theyre being idiots IMHO.

I've also had meals where (other) friends have been really interested and happy to try something different. Probably made the above situation worse. I'd suspect some may not attend, but I think they're being precious and petty for not doing. I'd rather go out for a friend's birthday even if there's not been anything I like/want to eat, because they're my friend and food isn't that bl00dy important for one meal on one day.

[MooMaid]

Get some new friends! I'm a meat eater but I'd see veggie only restaurant as an opportunity to try some different foods. I certainly wouldn't be changing my choice if it was my birthday!

[JustAShopGirl]

I don't really get all the your birthday, your choice thing... what if your choice is so against the group that no one else wants to go?

A friend wanted Thai food so was going to book the local Thai restaurant - until 7 of the 9 people she wanted to celebrate with said - "we don't like Thai food, so won't be coming"

which is bigger, the celebration or the menu.

[Jewels234]

I am genuinely shocked at the people here who can't go out for a meal without eating meat. Have you not seen the news today about the implications of meat eating on the environment?

YADNBU, I really feel that some people need to be educated about how good vegetarian food is.

[odyssey2001]

Those who matter will know this matters to you and will go willingly and happily, even if they would rather eat dead cow. YADNBU.