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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

birthday meal

234 replies

helenenemo · 31/08/2014 20:32

I'm vegetarian. On most other birthdays we go to a local steakhouse and I have the one veggie option on the menu!!

It's my birthday next and I've chosen a lovely vegetarian/vegan place. Apparently I'm totally unreasonable and should change to somewhere with meat. I disagree so I'm turning it over to the lovely folk of MN!

Aibu?

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 31/08/2014 22:36

It's beyond me why people preach kindness to complete strangers yet can't put themselves out on one day for one meal for someone they love/care about.

Even what should be a fun night out ends up some point proving exercise where someone's made to feel guilty for thinking that on their birthday it might actually be about them for two poxy hours

Egghead68 · 31/08/2014 22:39

YaNBU

Gileswithachainsaw · 31/08/2014 22:41

Not that going to a vegetarian restaurant is putting yourself out. Far from.it. but I'm. Sure you get the point

FunkyBoldRibena · 31/08/2014 22:42

But if I'm treating myself to a night out and paying to eat in a restaurant, I want to have something I really like and I'm afraid a vegan restaurant isn't going to do it for me.

Oh bless you. Veggies having to go to non veggie restaurants on every other outing and not having anything they 'really like' is fine. But the audacity of a meat eater having to go to a veggie restaurant thus the once, and they can't even just shut the fuck up and enjoy non meat food for a friend in case there isn't something that the poor meat eater really likes.

Aw, must be hard for you.

Mim78 · 31/08/2014 22:44

Yanbu. Why would people assume they won't enjoy a vegetarian meal? Also I assume there will be booze there?

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 31/08/2014 22:45

YANBU and I speak as someone who now eats meat but didn't for 20+ years, so can see both sides of the coin. It is rubbish being faced with yet another mushroom risotto or - boak - veggie lasagne. When we go out for food it's always about trying new places - I'd really struggle with someone dismissing a restaurant just because they don't serve meat.

Bunbaker · 31/08/2014 22:45

Well said Funky and Mim78

Mim78 · 31/08/2014 22:48

Also to me steakhouse sounds vile and I eat meat.

I have a similar thing with my family (although don't go out to eat with them much any more). If we go out for a meal it ALWAYS has to be Italian. I don't really find this v exciting as I can cook Italian at home. But if I invite them somewhere else for my birthday - I prefer Asian food - there is such moaning.

Anyway I'm not inviting them for a birthday meal for me again, except my mum who is easy going.

almapudden · 31/08/2014 22:54

YANBU. I eat meat. I love meat! But I really enjoy a variety of food, including vegetarian dishes. In fact, sometimes I enjoy eating at vegetarian restaurants precisely because it forces me to order something different; normally, if faced with a meat option or a veggie option, I would choose the meat, but actually might enjoy the vegetarian meal more. I like seafood restaurants for the same reason: they put the niche option at the centre of the menu.

SolidGoldBrass · 31/08/2014 22:55

Hmm. I'm inclined to think 'your birthday, your choice' but it depends a bit on the restaurant. A lot of veggie restaurants tend to serve spicy/curry type meals, which not everyone likes, or can eat. I have also found, though this may have changed, that vegetarian or vegan restaurants can be a bit grim and worthy - all hideous artwork, heavy hand-made bowls and plates, and meal eaten to the aural accompaniment of constant farting from all the other bean-stuffed diners.

m0therofdragons · 31/08/2014 23:02

Yanbu. My df doesn't really eat much (very fussy) but does love Indian food. For his birthday meal dm arranged family meal at an Indian restaurant. My uncle (not a blood relative but still part of the family) said he and his wife (not my auntie as she died a long time ago) don't eat Indian and suggested my dm booked a different venue - his suggestion was a 4 start hotel that cost £60 per head.... Dm was paying and Indian buffet was £7 per head. Dm told him we were going to the Indian as df always puts up with did he doesn't like and this time everyone can follow him. Your birthday your choice.

FunkyBoldRibena · 31/08/2014 23:24

And whilst we are on the subject. 'Vegetarians catered for' generally means we will scout around in the fridge and see what leftovers we can chuck in a pastry case. No, not good enough. If you can't plan and think of something worth my money, then my money stays with me. I never eat if the menu says 'vegetarians catered for'. Either you are a chef in which case, cook some proper food, or fuck off.

thereturnofshoesy · 31/08/2014 23:30

i was going to say yabu as I am not a vegetable lover
so I googeled (sp) to me veggie restaurants
now I say yanbu
I could eat stuff on there

PenisesAreNotPink · 31/08/2014 23:34

The only way you could possibly be unreasonable is if it was a restaurant that only did 50 ways with Mung Beans or All
Raw Vegetable Juice

And even then I'd still come, be polite, and do the proper British thing of slagging you off and calling you a twat afterwards

Some people don't know how to behave

futureponyclubmum · 31/08/2014 23:48

YANBU but then I love all food. I organised a meal out with 4 old uni mates, two are veggie, I'm not but took it as a personal challenge to find an awesome veggie restaurant for them and they loved it. Yes I like a good rare steak but I also like making people I care about happy too.

Scuttlebutter · 31/08/2014 23:54

YANBU. There are some really lovely veggie restaurants out there. One of the nicest meals out I've ever had was here - this lovely place.

It's the height of bad manners to be critical/moany about your choice on your birthday.

worridmum · 01/09/2014 01:44

their is only one problem with veggie only places the only on near me has ever meal contains nuts or cheese (i am allgic to both) and I would be stuck eating nothing (or ordering just a side dish like onion rings at said resetraunt) I was polite and just had onion rings and did not make a fuss and only mentioned why i only had onion rings the next day by birthday girl and said I was alligic to the entire menu.

As for some reason this place had cheese and or nuts in EVERYTHING but that might not be cases everywere but it certialy is here

musicalendorphins2 · 01/09/2014 02:45

Yanbu. It is your birthday so you should get to enjoy your meal.

Bunbaker · 01/09/2014 10:12

worridmum This is the kind of thing vegetarians have to face most of the time when offered the token vegetarian option in most restaurants - lack of choice. So it is only fair that they get to choose the venue on their birthday and be presented a with a menu with loads of options.

Gileswithachainsaw · 01/09/2014 10:20

This restriction of choices is nonsense. They have a whole menu to choose from its not like there's a token meat dish and that's it and for once the veggie does to. Win win

FlyingHamster · 01/09/2014 10:34

I'm not a vegetarian so I can kind of understand where all the people who are saying that they might not have much choice at a vegetarian restaurant due to dislikes, etc. I can also understand the argument that if they are paying they want to eat something they enjoy and vegetarian food isn't something they enjoy. I think that's fair enough.

However, isn't that the same thing that vegetarians (and the OP) have to go through on a much more regular basis when they eat out at any other restaurant? The OP has said herself that she ate out for her friends birthdays despite there only being one vegetarian option. She didn't complain, just got on with it because it was their celebration, not hers. Is it really so terrible to expect them to re-pay the favour and let her have a variety to choose from this time for her celebration whilst they maybe eat something they're not keen on and wouldn't choose themselves, just this one time?

It's a bit selfish IMO to expect other people to have to choose from the same couple of vegetarian options constantly and then complain about how unfair it is when that vegetarian wants to eat out somewhere with a bit more variety for them but maybe only one or two options for you on this one occasion. A bit of a double standard, no?

ephemeralfairy · 01/09/2014 10:35

YANBU! I am a very committed carnivore but I am also a food lover and some of the most delicious and imaginative meals I've ever had have been at veggie restaurants.
There WILL be variety; vegetarian food does not just mean vegetables! It includes pulses, grains, proteins such as tofu, dairy for non-vegans, olives, avocado, polenta, samphire etc etc etc. Yum! Can I come OP??
Also it's your BIRTHDAY. Your treat. I wouldn't dream of trying to dictate to someone else what to do on their birthday. How rude and entitled.

FlyingHamster · 01/09/2014 10:41

I also find some people's views on vegetarian food to be a bit odd. I have heard people claim that they "don't eat vegetarian food" and make a big song and dance about not wanting to eat a meat free meal at a vegetarian's house or a vegetarian restaurant.

Then the "non vegetarian food eater" will go on to tuck into a packet of crisps or a margherita pizza Confused. Are those things not vegetarian then?

It might sound obvious but I really do think some people have a hard time grasping that vegetarian food is simply food that doesn't have meat in it rather than the tofu and mung beans they seem to imagine.

I find it very hard to believe that they won't be able to find something they will eat at a vegetarian restaurant.

SolidGoldBrass · 01/09/2014 10:44

Worriedmum has a point as well - most vegetarian places do depend a lot on cheese/nuts which can be an issue for those with allergies (I have a friend who is allergic to both nuts and dairy and quite a few other things as well - eating out with her can be a bit of a business). But if one of the OP's friends has that problem, it would be up to him/her to decline politely and say why. The rest ought to be able to get over themselves for one night.

Gileswithachainsaw · 01/09/2014 10:45

Agree flying people eat veggie all the time without noticing no doubt. Cereal for breakfast; scrambled egg on toast for lunch and macaroni cheese and salad for dinner. No meat there.

It's hardly a big deal

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