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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that having multiple sequel partners (across your lifetime, not at the same time) is not immoral...

87 replies

Jewels234 · 30/08/2014 18:45

This stems from a conversation I had recently. The more I think about it, the more angry I get.

The person that I was speaking to was arguing that having more than 1 sexual partner in a life time was immoral. I think that as long as no-one gets hurt, no-one should be judged for having as many sexual partners as they want.

It particularly annoyed me as the implication was that I am immoral, when I consider myself to be an extremely moral person.

So...tell me they were BU please!

OP posts:
User100 · 30/08/2014 18:48

No of course not. In fact as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult and isn't being misled I wouldn't say it's immoral to have lots at the same time (either literally or just close together). Next time you see the person ask them why, I'll be impressed if they come up with a coherent reason.

ArabellaTarantella · 30/08/2014 18:48

Tell them to Fuck Off (then they can have a go about you swearing as well Grin)

picnicbasketcase · 30/08/2014 18:49

Of course it's not immoral. But let them pat themselves on the back and be smug about how much better they are than almost everyone else. They'll have much more space on their cloud to keep their halo polish.

DaisyFlowerChain · 30/08/2014 18:49

One seems a very low number.

How many is too many is down to what people think. Anything over five would put me off a future partner.

Janethegirl · 30/08/2014 18:51

One person only in a lifetime, not very realistic imo, so long as everyone knows the score and you're not hiding several partners simultaneously. Enjoy life as it comes.

Original poster
Jewels234 · 30/08/2014 18:51

Excellent, always nice to be told I'm right :)

OP posts:
VacantExpression · 30/08/2014 18:52

Of course you are NBU, or immoral. Even five is quite a low number IMO DaisyFlower !

pointythings · 30/08/2014 18:52

Of course it isn't. As long as people are serially monogamous, I have no problems with that. I don't have problems with any particular number either - as long as the person I'm with has not got a sequence of one night stands under their belt, I'm fine with it.

Funnily enough Daisy DH and I are each other's fifth partner.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 30/08/2014 18:57

Good lord..... Your friend would combust if she knew my magic number. There is just no point in arguing with people like that.

BehindHerSmile · 30/08/2014 18:58

One seems a very low number.

How many is too many is down to what people think. Anything over five would put me off a future partner.

Really 1 is low and 5 is too high?

I think a ridiculously high number would put me off as I'd think they were more happy to be single. But 5/6 partners I'd find very normal.

InculKate · 30/08/2014 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeverFinishWhatYouStarted · 30/08/2014 19:00

I'm with you OP. Once it's safe, sane and consensual, I don't care if you've allowed a string of partners to spank you with a yellow flip-flop. Or allowed multiple people to do it at once.

I DO, OTOH, think it is immoral to judge the sexual behaviour of others if they're doing no harm.

CatKisser · 30/08/2014 19:01

Ugh.
Couldn't give a shit how many sexual partners ANYONE else has! But people who judge others for their number of partners or link that number some kind of "morality' is deeply twatty and should keep their opinions to themselves.
Grr.

User100 · 30/08/2014 19:01

This is dull, I really want someone to come along and say yes so we can have a good argue about it.

Lally112 · 30/08/2014 19:02

no, not immoral at all as long as everyone is consenting and no one is getting hurt, who gives a shit really and what business is it of anyone elses? sex is sex, it isn't always something to be kept sacred and valued and blah blah blah.

VeryLittleGravitasIndeed · 30/08/2014 19:04

"Moral" is one of those slippery judgemental words, and there is no such thing as a universal moral code. By my moral code you could sleep with the population of Iceland and I wouldn't care. People who've had a monotheistic religious upbringing tend to have hang ups about number of sexual partners though.

ommmward · 30/08/2014 19:07

I'm having a lovely time imagining what a "sequel partner" might be.

Someone to watch Return of the Jedi and Matrix 2 with?

PenisesAreNotPink · 30/08/2014 19:09

I think 5 is really low too Grin

As low as 5 is pretty unusual. 12 is now the average in a liftetime.

I shagged more than that in 3 years at uni ...

LiberalLibertines · 30/08/2014 19:09

I honestly don't think there's a number that would put me off someone, either a partner or a friend, it's how people TREAT other people that matters in my book.

Oh, and she better hope the ONE partner she chooses flicks her switch in bed Confused

SpiderTracker · 30/08/2014 19:18

Well, depends whether I am talking about me or other people. For other people - have as many as you like makes no difference to my life.
For me - I am ashamed my husband is my second sexual partner and if I could go back and change things so that he was my one and only I would feel much better about myself.
I seriously regret my first, I was 15 he was 23 I told him repeatedly I only wanted to sleep with the man I married - the bastard bought me a diamond ring and promised to marry me and I like an idiot believed him. He dumped me after 6 months I was pregnant and had to have an abortion.

catgirl1976 · 30/08/2014 19:23

I wouldn't be put off by any number.

I'd be put off if someone lied, hurt people or couldn't be faithful.

But if they had had 1,000 happy, consenting partners who were treated well and a clean bill of sexual health I wouldn't mind at all.

1 is pretty rare these days. I'm not 100% convinced it's healthy, unless you met your one true love early and never looked back. 5 is also very low in my -little black-- book.

TheWholeOfTheSpoon · 30/08/2014 19:30

I'd shagged more than 5 by the time I'd finished the 6th Form! Blush I couldn't tell you my magic number because I've forgotten half of them. Funnily enough, I've grown into a fine upstanding member of the community!

StackladysMorphicResonator · 30/08/2014 19:33

NeverFinish, you took the words right out of my mouth (with the possible exception of the yellow flip-flop...).

BruthasTortoise · 30/08/2014 19:33

I think there is far more judgement about people who get married more than once or have children with more than one person than the number of sexual partners a person has. There was a thread the other day about a man in his 50s who had been married three times and some of the judgeypants were hoiked up to the armpits.

HappyAgainOneDay · 30/08/2014 19:33

BehindHerSmile and Penises

I never reached five but did enjoy myself but I'd be wary of having sex with all and sundry because of Sexually Transmitted Disease (or Venereal Disease as it used to be called).

Men don't always use condoms so why should it have to be the woman on the pill all the time?