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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

if your child was called say, jacob, and your mother kept calling him jake, would it piss you off

151 replies

headisreallyaching · 28/08/2014 21:52

?

OP posts:
RiverTam · 29/08/2014 09:22

I hate how my family shorten my name. DH OTOH loves all the different NNs he gets, though interesting only likes family and very close friends calling him by his full name.

I absolutely did take into account NNs when drawing up a name list. Jacob would be a case in point, I loathe the name Jake so I just wouldn't risk it. DD has a name that can't be anything other than what it is, thank God.

I find it really odd on the BN threads when people say name XXXXXXXXXXX, nn XXX which so often is such a different name. What's the point is naming them something that you have no intention of ever using?

lacksdirection · 29/08/2014 09:33

My DD's name is shortened and it doesn't really bother me.

What makes me irrationally annoyed though is hearing my friend shortening her DS's name to a single letter. I don't know why it annoys me and I would never tell her it annoys me because I know it's none of my business, but if your DS's name is Thomas and you call him Tom, I almost expect that, but why shorten it to T and call him T more often than not?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 29/08/2014 09:37

I don't think I'd mind ( unless it was a strange nickname). I might be more bothered if I said his name is James known as Jim and grandparents called him Jamie. Not sure...

Topaz25 · 29/08/2014 09:44

If they were calling him a completely different name, presumably because they didn't like his name, then I would be annoyed. But if they were using a recognised short version of the name, i.e.: Jake for Jacob or Danny for Daniel, then I wouldn't mind and would just see it as an affectionate nickname from his grandparents. It's not a good idea to use a name if you don't like the short version of it because someone is bound to call them that.

Notso · 29/08/2014 09:54

I call DH a shortened version of his name. That is the name he used when he introduced himself and all his friends call him that too, he uses an even shorter version at work.
Most of his family call him by the version I use.
His Mum only ever calls him by the long version, she has never said anything directly but if I say (not his real name) "Danny isn't home yet"
She will reply "What time will Daniel be back"
With much emphasis on the Daniel.

I find it odd really that she can't accept the version DH prefers.

DS2 has a name that can be spelled two ways although the pronunciation is slightly different. We inadvertently chose the less popular version and subsequently everyone calls him the more popular one. Even family. It is very slightly annoying, but he is now calling himself the right one so am hoping he will correct people. Often we use a nn for him but he never uses it for himself.

KarinMurphy · 29/08/2014 09:55

My Mum has always had a bee in her bonnet about my name being shortened. I'm well on the way to 50 and she STILL says Kathleen in a disapproving voice if anyone says Kath or Kathy in her presence. :)

crazykat · 29/08/2014 10:06

It would bug me if I didn't like the nickname. This is the reason we didn't use DHs preferred name for dd1, we both loved the name but I hated the shortened version and it would have driven me nuts.

I have a name that is quite popular with a few established nicknames which different family members tried to use. I hated it and refused to answer to anything but my full name. Until I went to college and shortened it myself.

If you don't like it then say something. If your son had picked the shortened version to be known by then there's not much you could do except refuse to use the shortened version.

Sallystyle · 29/08/2014 10:28

My grandma had a Jonathan, when his friends knocked for him and asked for John she would tell them he doesn't live here and shut the door.

I have a Jasmine and some people call her Jazz or Jazzy. I don't but it doesn't bother me when others do.

I figure that I best get used to it because her friends will shorten her name no doubt.

squoosh · 29/08/2014 10:43

Parents who make a song and dance about their child's name being shortened always make me think of poor old Timothy from Sorry.

if your child was called say, jacob, and your mother kept calling him jake, would it piss you off
PartTimeModel · 29/08/2014 11:39

I do find it quite amazing that people feel that they can control what one person calls another person.

Even if you are the parent, I just don't see really that is much to do with you.

KittiesInsane · 29/08/2014 11:50

Dh is known to the majority by a nickname relating to a haircut he had 25 years ago.

Erm, Colley, you aren't married to my brother Boggy (short for Bogbrush) by any chance?

Callani · 29/08/2014 11:54

See I like long names exactly because they can be shortened - I think it's very useful to have a choice of names to use in different situations. Like my friend who we all call Lulu but who goes as Louise at work.

BackforGood · 29/08/2014 12:01

No, it wouldn't annoy me, as obviously I'd take into account what the likelihood of it being shortened to, and how much I liked/didn't like the likely shortenings, before choosing the name.

I realise Jacob/Jake is only an example, and not your ds's name, but it was surely apparent to you when you were thinking of naming him 'Jacob' that people would call him 'Jake'. If not your Mum, then most of the rest of the world.
We ruled out some names where we didn't like the typical shortenings.

OhIDoLikeToBeBeside · 29/08/2014 12:11

DS chose his own NN. Think Thomas, common NN Tom, DS aged 2 started to refer to himself as Tommy. His best friend is Tom, and so is very put out (and corrects people) if he is called Tom.

UnderCurrent · 29/08/2014 12:26

Around here the many of the girls have 'short' names to begin with (often ending with the ee sound) - Chloe, Zoe, Sophie, Libby, Katie etc. These are the names the parents use.
Many of the boys though have the 'longer' names - Thomas, Daniel, Oliver, Jacob, Robert etc. And after 5 years at school they haven't, it seems, been shortened by anyone. I am surprised as I thought it quite natural shorten a name or give it a 'twist'.

LilMissVixen · 29/08/2014 12:28

I can see why you feel like this when your son is little, you chose the name and probably not all that long ago. But tbh I wouldn't worry about it. It's not your name, it's his, and when he goes to school/gets older he will probably be known as something else (a nn, shortened version of his first name, his surname etc) and there won't be much you can do about it.

Personally, I love shortened names. My name is one which has a fairly obvious shortening but not one you would automatically use unless you knew me well (think Victoria and Vic). All my friends/family call me 'Vic' and I sign birthday cards to them etc with 'Vic'. I can't really explain it but I like that those I love and care about call me something different from say my work colleagues.

Bambamb · 29/08/2014 12:46

This would annoy me too.
My Dd has a name with an obvious shortening. I'm sure when she's older she'll shorten it which is fine and partly why we chose it because the short version is nice and a bit more grown up.
But for now as far as I'm concerned her name is the long version which also sounds more little girly. It really annoys me when people ask what's her name? I tell them the long version and they immediately start using the shortened version.

Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 29/08/2014 13:00

One of my friends insisted that her son was known by his three syllable name at all times. (Something like Nicholas instead of Nick) This worked well until her son started talking and correcting everyone by using the shortened version himself!

MyLifeIsFictional · 29/08/2014 13:16

SIL didn't want her DS called "Si" for Simon. Until he went to nursery and they learned "Simple Simon"

He then was Si to everyone.

SadOldGit · 29/08/2014 16:59

My son has common (but no longer in top 100 names) 2 syllable name. It has a shortened version which I have always loathed. Within the family he is known by full name or a nickname (he has 2 - one relates to his name, the other doesn't).

When he was at school his friends started to call him by the shortened name - I still loathe it but am of the opinion that as he is now an adult it is up to him what he is called. That said when his friends are round (regular occurrence)they call him by the shortened name and we use the nickname - he answers to both!

NadiaWadia · 29/08/2014 18:54

There is nothing wrong with calling someone, especially a family member, by a 'pet' or short form of their name. My real name has several possible shortenings. It's as though my name is Elizabeth, and I have been variously known as Liz, Beth, Betty etc. Doesn't bother me at all and I quite enjoy taking on a 'different identity' when I meet a new group of people.

I think parents who make a big fuss about this are being a bit precious. As long as its a short form of the actual name (and the child doesn't hate it) I don't see what the problem is. It's not malicious, but affectionate and normal. Jake is nicer than Jacob, anyway.

bodhranbae · 29/08/2014 19:32

All very controlling and a bit creepy this insisting on what people call other people.

Reminds me of when Madonna sent out a PR decree that nobody was ever to call her Madge.

grannytomine · 29/08/2014 20:38

My daughter has a name with two shorter versions, we normally called her by her full name but sometimes use one of the shorter versions. When she was little my MIL insisted on calling her by the other name, if we said we preferred her full name of the other short name she would just smile and say she couldn't remember.

She always wanted to be called Grandma so we started calling her granny. She let it go a couple of times and then said, in a rather snappy voice, that she had told us she wanted to be called Grandma. We both smiled and DH said we just couldn't remember. Ten second stand off and then she said OK she would call daughter by her full name and she always did.

grannytomine · 29/08/2014 20:40

My daughter has a name with two shorter versions, we normally called her by her full name but sometimes use one of the shorter versions. When she was little my MIL insisted on calling her by the other name, if we said we preferred her full name of the other short name she would just smile and say she couldn't remember.

She always wanted to be called Grandma so we started calling her granny. She let it go a couple of times and then said, in a rather snappy voice, that she had told us she wanted to be called Grandma. We both smiled and DH said we just couldn't remember. Ten second stand off and then she said OK she would call daughter by her full name and she always did.

grannytomine · 29/08/2014 20:50

Don't know why I posted that twice. Just wanted to add that DD now all grown up and she uses a different, more unusual, shortening of her name. Her choice as it should be.