Page 5 | if your child was called say, jacob, and your mother kept calling him jake, would it piss you off

SusannahD · 29/08/2014 06:28

YANBU, my mum did this, she shortened his name from the moment he was born. I wasn't happy and told her so, especially as I got lots of congratulations from extended family using shortened name. It took a while but every time she used shortened name I corrected her by simply saying his name is xxxxx.

insancerre · 29/08/2014 06:39

No it wouldn't bother me.
You don't own your child and you don't own his name.
His gran has her own relationship with her grandson and I think she should be able to call him what she wants
Plenty of women have pet names for their partners. Imagine the angst if mils insisted he only gets called by his proper name.

combust22 · 29/08/2014 06:55

No it wouldn't bother me. I agree with the others who say you don't own the child or the name.

At some point you will lose control anyway. Both my children have now shortened versions of their names that their teachers, friends and schoolmates initiated- but i knew that was likely to happen and it's fine.

I had a friend when I was 14 who was called Caroline- everyone called her Carol, except her neurotic mother who spent her days in a fury correcting everyone who used the shortened version. Wher Carols friends visited her mother would pull us up about using the name carol, and snap at us that the name was "caroline!".

We all thought she was nuts.

Delphiniumsblue · 29/08/2014 07:05

It wouldn't bother me- people did it to mine. The only one who has any control is the person with the name. You will probably find that he becomes Jake when older- it will be up to him.
You can't control a name so I wouldn't let it bother you, just stick to Jacob yourself.
I knew a mother like that combust, her DD was Catherine but called herself Cat and so did all her friends- her mother hated it and seemed ridiculous because she was still trying to control and her DD was 27 yrs!
My 3 all have nicknames that I wouldn't have chosen - they like them.
I have chosen a nickname- I am not bothered what my mother thinks!

Lepaskilf · 29/08/2014 07:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CatsCantTwerk · 29/08/2014 07:25

Nope, doesn't bother me at all, I have 3 dc and they are all known as shortened versions of the names I gave them.

Hakluyt · 29/08/2014 07:33

People invest far too much in names these days. The very fact that someone is prepared to risk upsetting a friend or relation because they choose an affectionate shortening for their baby's name is incredibly sad and shows a distinctly odd sense of priorities.

Delphiniumsblue · 29/08/2014 07:34

I guess they are young. When Tom gets older he will tell them he is Tom and they will listen, in the way they won't listen to the parent.
Rise above it and ignore.

Greyhound · 29/08/2014 07:36

My ILs are terrible for this. Insist on nicknames / shortening everyone's names.

It drives me mad.

My ds is always known by the shortened version of his name, but that was my choice.

SuchSweetSorrow · 29/08/2014 07:38

Good point about MILs. My husband is, for example, Robert- no one calls him this except a couple of aunties. His parents, siblings, work and a couple of friends call him Rob, yet he introduced himself as Robbie when I met him, as that is what most of his friends called him.

10 years on I still feel a tad funny calling him this in front of his parents as they have NEVER called him this name (he hates me calling him anything else)

Delphiniumsblue · 29/08/2014 07:39

I find that I agree with you all the time Hakluyt. It is lovely if granny has a special relationship with a pet name! Just be pleased!

roundtable · 29/08/2014 07:39

Jeepers, I did not know people felt such angst about names.

I couldn't get worked up about it as long as it wasn't done to be spiteful.

PartTimeModel · 29/08/2014 07:44

It probably would annoy he a bit. Which is why I chose names for my DC that don't have an obvious shortening.

People do this the world over. And I'm afraid you don't have control over it.

Delphiniumsblue · 29/08/2014 07:45

I really wouldn't worry SuchSweetSorrow- I call my son by his full name - his girlfriend, siblings and friends all use a nickname - It would seem odd if they didn't now. I call DH by a nickname and his parents use his full name.
It really isn't important -new parents of babies are at their worst and the baby can't speak for themselves. It wears off as they get older and it dawns in the parent that they gave the name and beyond that they have no control.

Delphiniumsblue · 29/08/2014 07:48

You can't win if you give a short name! We deliberately gave DC2 one that can't be shortened and he has always been known by something different- he likes it.
I can't think why people get such angst about unimportant things!
Perhaps all new babies should come with a warning 'you can give a name but you cannot have control once given'- however some still wouldn't believe it!

ithoughtofitfirst · 29/08/2014 07:53

My mum calls my ds all manner of things. A shortened version of his actual name would be nice!

whois · 29/08/2014 07:53

fwiw I have an Alexander I wanted to call him his full name but side he was about six months old he has been known as Alex everybody calls him Alex now but it still irks a bit!

But you must have thought people would shorten to Alex when you have him his name?

Universes truth, people will shorten names wherever possible so you might as well give them a nice short name to begin with!

thegreylady · 29/08/2014 07:56

One of my grandsons is Jake, not Jack, not Jacob just Jake and definitely (cousin S) not James! All nice names but he is Jake and that's that.

FunkyBoldRibena · 29/08/2014 08:00

I don't know how old he is but two tactics:
If he is over around 5 tell him to ignore anyone who calls him by the wrong name until they call him by his right name.
If that isn't a goer start calling your mother maureen or margaret [names that aren't her name but start with the same letter as hers] and then when she asks just say 'I thought that's what we did, call people by a random name that just starts with the same letter as their real name - like Jake.'

Hakluyt · 29/08/2014 08:19

Yeah, because it's so worth upsetting a loving grandparent over this

Delphiniumsblue · 29/08/2014 08:24

I can't see how that works, Funky. If he is like mine by the age of 5yrs they prefer the nickname. It will work if it comes from him, not if it is instigated by his mother.
If I was the grandmother I would just let you do the random name- you would get bored in the end! Also it wouldn't bother me.

colleysmill · 29/08/2014 08:29

Dh is known to the majority by a nickname relating to a haircut he had 25 years ago. It's completely unrelated to his name but it stuck and that was that. When we got married most of our friends didn't actually know his real name until they got their invites.

My mil though refuses to acknowledge the nn and i have to remember to call him by his full proper name otherwise I get the death stare. But in fairness to me I've only ever known him by the nickname

To complicate it further his work call him a shorter version of his real name so if they phone I have to remember that name too.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 29/08/2014 08:39

MIL calls ds1 by a shortened version of his name, which did make me chuckle initially, as ds1's name is pretty short to begin with anyway. But it doesn't really bother me - she is the only one that calls him that, and I think it's rather nice that it's just something between them. When he's older and she has passed away, there'll be nobody to call him that anymore and he may think that's actually sad.

500smiles · 29/08/2014 09:10

I was really PFB about using DS full name but as the owner of said name prefers his shortened version (that I dislike) I've had to give in and so Ben it is.

DD being Isabella has multiple nicknames. Issy, Bella are both commonly used, along with lots of other made up ones.

I think you just have to get over it.

Pancakeflipper · 29/08/2014 09:21

Oooh I am feeling guilty... My DS(9) has close friend called Jacob.
He is here lots and I call him Jakes.

Will watch for evil looks quiet seething signs when she collects him this evening.