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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

if your child was called say, jacob, and your mother kept calling him jake, would it piss you off

151 replies

headisreallyaching · 28/08/2014 21:52

?

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 28/08/2014 22:03

This is the thing with nicknames - they arent chosen they just evolve. You can insist all you want but most if not all names have possible NNs.

He may well want to be referred to as Jake when he xcan show a preference.

Coolas · 28/08/2014 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

erin99 · 28/08/2014 22:05

Yes. How about "Mum, please stop calling him Jake."?!

XiCi · 28/08/2014 22:05

I think shortening of names is par for the course really. If there's a shortened version of his name that you hate you should have considered this before naming him

MrsMook · 28/08/2014 22:05

My friend did it to my baby, using an established pet version, so we did it back relentlessly to his DS which happened to have a version suitable for chanting in a very annoying way. He submitted long before we drove ourselves mad.

I'm sure one day the DCs will personalise their names, but until they are ready to do that, then everyone can use their proper names.

BreadForBrains · 28/08/2014 22:06

No it wouldn't bother me. I rarely use my dcs full names and shorten them myself.
I can't see its even an issue personally so wouldn't know how to go about rectifying it.

ICanSeeTheSun · 28/08/2014 22:06

It used to piss me right off, but i have got used to it since my PFB has been in school for 5 years.

ShatnersBassoon · 28/08/2014 22:06

No, doesn't bother me at all. I think it's friendly and familiar, a sign of fondness and warmth.

PecanNut · 28/08/2014 22:07

One of DS's teachers did this... it wasn't a big deal, along the lines of calling him Tom instead of Thomas, but he used to get upset about it and I had to go and ask her to call him by his full name. She looked at me like this Hmm.

Anyway to answer your question, it might slightly annoy me if someone did this with my kids, although people shorten my name all the time and that doesn't bother me at all.

Maybe he'll prefer to be called 'Jake' when he's older?!

treaclesoda · 28/08/2014 22:07

Yes, it would annoy me. I think shortening people's names without being invited to is very very rude. I know very few people who use shortened versions of their names, so the idea that everyone will decide to shorten it when they are older anyway isn't necessarily true.

SanityClause · 28/08/2014 22:08

MIL really dislikes DD2's name, but will use a shortened version of it (that we use, as well). I'm pleased about it, as it means it doesn't draw attention to the fact she doesn't like the name. When DD2 was a baby, she used to pull a face as she said it, and would mispronounce it slightly.

So, I would rather she shortened it, than constantly signalled her disapproval, which DD2 would have noticed long ago (She is now 13.)

hoobypickypicky · 28/08/2014 22:08

" If there's a shortened version of his name that you hate you should have considered this before naming him"

WHAT?!

Shock

As in - "Oh, Jacob is my favourite name but I can't call my son that because people are frigging rude and will decide that they can call my son whatever they like"?

No. That doesn't work for me, sorry.

Curlyweasel · 28/08/2014 22:09

I just give them two options - it's Edward or Ed. If they say 'what about Eddie' I give them a hard stare a la Paddington and repeat first two options.

christinarossetti · 28/08/2014 22:09

My mother does a variation of this with my ds. It's irritating, but as children grow up (ds is now 5), it becomes very apparent that no-one else (including the child themselves) knows who the person is addressing, and it just comes over as odd rather than enough to piss a person off.

Hakluyt · 28/08/2014 22:12

No,not course not! You don't own your child or his name- he has relationships with lots of other people and that's how it should be.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 28/08/2014 22:13

FIL was very Hmm with DS name, he didn't like it.
He always lengthened his name (like Joe - Joey or Bert - Bertie)

Used to get right on my bell end Angry No matter how many times I hinted and said his correct name , eventually I snapped "It's Tim. Tim not Timmy" .
Sorted.

LittleMissGreen · 28/08/2014 22:13

My mother does this with DS2. When she heard his name as a newborn she said "Oh will you shorten it to Jake?"
Me "No, I really don't like Jake".
She has consistently called him Jake for the last 8 years, grrr!
I don't think I'd mind so much, except that she specifically asked in the first place...

Hakluyt · 28/08/2014 22:14

"becomes very apparent that no-one else (including the child themselves) knows who the person is addressing, and it just comes over as odd rather than enough to piss a person off."

Really? So grandma has been calling him a version go his name for ages and he hasn't worked out who she's talking to?Hmm

17leftfeet · 28/08/2014 22:17

Depends on the age of the child

At school I ask all of yr2 upwards what they prefer to be called if there is a common short version (eg 3 boys in the same class called Thomas, all want to be called Thomas so that's what we do)

Younger I would always be led by the parents, it works both ways -some parents want to use the shortened version rather than the full name, or even the middle name

Dontgotosleep · 28/08/2014 22:18

No. It wouldn't bother me. Also what are you going to to if Jacob wants to be known as Jake when he's older. I mean you can't say to his friends when he's 18 "His name's Jacob not Jake" I mean with the greatest respect you'll sound a tad weird.

BotoxBitch · 28/08/2014 22:18

Yes it would, lots, I would correct her

SierpinskiNumber · 28/08/2014 22:22

It wouldn't bother me but if it bothers you there is nothing wrong with asking people to call him by his full name. I have a friend with three boys called names (similar) to Daniel, Benjamin and Samuel and she insists on everyone always using the full names. Even though it seemed like a mouthful at first I was surprised how quickly I got used to calling them their proper names. She would just throw me a friendly Hmm face if I slipped up. I don't see it as an issue if you want to insist on the full name being used.

treaclesoda · 28/08/2014 22:23

Hmm, I was at school with loads of people who even at the age of 18 weren't 'allowed' to shorten their names by their parents. I mean obviously they could call themselves what they wanted at school but if you rang their house and asked for eg Cathy instead of Catherine, the parents would say 'there's no one of that name who lives here'. But tbh none of us thought it was weird as it was accepted, in fact it was fairly standard Grin

SaucyJack · 28/08/2014 22:23

Wouldn't bother me in principle really. Mine get called all sorts.

Tho we did have a situation with a relative who tried to shorten DD1's name to a different nickname to the one that was universally adopted (she has a very long name with many possible shortenings) and she just used to stare at them with a "Who the fuck are you talking to?" face on.

MaryWestmacott · 28/08/2014 22:24

Sorry, but I agree that if there's a 'standard' shortening of a name, you have to accept that is what a lot of people will call your DC.

My MIL has fought the "his name is Jonathan" fight against her DS called by everyone as "Jon" since school. I was introduced to him as Jon. I have to remember around MIL to say Jonathan. It is only her and FIL who call him that now.

I have a friend with a DD called Elizabeth. She actually didn't tell anyone her DD was Elizabeth until she was about 5 months old, she introduced her as Beth. My friend said it was to avoid her being called Liz, and it's worked, but every other Elizabeth I know gets called Liz or Lizzie. The only ones who get Beth or Betty are introduced as that, and anyone introduced as Elizabeth gets called Liz.

Bit late now, but if thats the basic shortening, that's what his friends will call up to ask for when your DS is older and you'll look like my MIL slightly unhinged if you tell them there's noone by the name of Jake here but there's a Jacob (yes, MIL used to do that with anyone calling for Jon, with her other DS she has the good sense to use a 4 letter name with no shortenings).