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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Xmas away from home with new baby

63 replies

Whenwillwe3meetagain · 28/08/2014 12:29

I'm due with DC1 on 20/11 and my mum dropped into conversation that it would be nice if DH and I brought new baby down to hers for Xmas. This would involve a 2 hour train journey as we don't have a car. We were planning on staying at home and people could come to see us if they wanted.

I'd really like to not travel far for a few weeks but am I being precious?

OP posts:
basgetti · 28/08/2014 12:32

YANBU, I'm due in December and I've made it clear that family are more than welcome to visit me but I will not be travelling anywhere!

LumpenproletariatAndProud · 28/08/2014 12:32

Probably. But you're allowed to be, its your first baby.

See how you feel at the time. You are well within your right to say you aren't up to it a week or two before.

In the same note, you may be well and sprightly. You can't predict these things.

WorraLiberty · 28/08/2014 12:32

Of course not and anyway, whose to say the baby will even arrive before Christmas?

My DC1 was due the day before NYE and finally put in an appearance on the 9th January.

Just spend Xmas exactly how you want to.

CMOTDibbler · 28/08/2014 12:34

Start as you mean to go on - traipsing around every christmas is a pita, so stay home, and people can come to you if its important they see the baby

ArabellaTarantella · 28/08/2014 12:35

Your Mum is BVU, and utterly thoughtless. You stay at home and enjoy yourselves!

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 28/08/2014 12:36

Once you have a child it's xmas in your own home!

Original poster
Whenwillwe3meetagain · 28/08/2014 12:36

Oh yes CMOT I really don't want to get into taking turns for Xmas so this could be a good start to put my foot down.

OP posts:
MrsWinnibago · 28/08/2014 12:37

I took my newborn (well 2 months old) to Australia for Christmas...she was DD1 too.

It was fabulous.

But I wouldn't have if I didn't want to.

BrieAndChilli · 28/08/2014 12:39

Don't do it!
Slightly different as ds1 was born on 22nd December but we went to MIL for Xmas (2 hour drive)
She is lovely and everything but I had realised how much milk leakage and bleeding and having to pee in how're due to grazes I would have to do! I ran out of clothes halfway through, and just wanted to be at home in my own bed.

BrieAndChilli · 28/08/2014 12:40

Hadn't realised

FromagePlease · 28/08/2014 12:41

It's clearly up to you, don't go if you don't want to go. However babies are really portable. 2 hrs on a train with a 4 week old (assuming you aren't that overdue) is perfectly doable and lots of fun as everyone passing will stop to coo etc.

You can then sit comfortably on your mum's sofa whilst being brought lots of delicious food. And nip off to bed for a nap if she helps with the baby. Sounds much more fun than trying to host people at home, worrying about the big shop, washing up and staying up to entertain when all you want to do is be in bed.

StrangeGlue · 28/08/2014 12:44

All you say is 'yes it would be nice to see you. Would you like to stay or are you travelling back and forth in one day.' If you want to have Christmas at home do that, you don't need your mum's permission.

thornrose · 28/08/2014 12:44

I think you need to say now, very clearly, that you will be spending your first Christmas with new baby in your own home.

Don't leave it open to interpretation, no mights or maybes.

You're not being precious at all.

BarbarianMum · 28/08/2014 12:45

I disagree. She only made a suggestion and in some ways it's easier staying with relatives being waited on hand an foot with a newborn than running round after lots of guests.

OP my ds1 was born on 19/11 so similar due date to your baby. We did go to the inlaws for that Christmas - it was good in some ways (I didn't have to do anything but look after ds1 and chat to people) and a bit stressy in others (spare room was too cold and dh had to put his foot down with Dfil about turning up the heating, Dh and I ended up eating Christmas dinner in shifts whilst other one held the fretful baby).

On the whole I'd recommend Christmas at home with just the 3 of you and very brief interludes of visitors (none of whom stay the night unless they are real pitch in and help type people).

Laquitar · 28/08/2014 12:46

It depends how your relationship with your mum is. It might be good for you and you wont have to do any cooking and cleaning?
2 hours by train is not much if you are going to have help and support, let alone company and family christmas.

But if your mum is difficult then better on your own.

naturalbaby · 28/08/2014 12:47

At times it was easier to be at my mum's because she would provide food and drinks, and I got to sit around doing nothing (couldn't do my own housework!) and still got an afternoon nap with baby.

cathpip · 28/08/2014 12:52

My dc1 was born on the 25/11, my parents came up for Xmas and mum did Xmas lunch. Stay put it's easier esp if you don't drive!

Castlemilk · 28/08/2014 12:56

No way.

She's being quite cunning! Say no, and start as you mean to go on. I'm sure it would be nice for her. For you, probably not so much. Yes INDEED, all the people who haven't just given birth and won't be up every night with a tiny baby - they can shift themselves to do the travelling thanks!

You will want space, peace, your own bathroom, your own bedroom, to be able to disappear at will, to not be stuck in someone else's house.

Tell everyone they're welcome to visit (in pre-agreed chunks!) but no, you will be staying at home as a rule at Christmas from now on so your children can build their Christmas memories in their own home.

Heels99 · 28/08/2014 12:58

No, stay home. People can come to you.

ChickenFajitaAndNachos · 28/08/2014 12:59

YANBU, stick to your plan of staying home and people coming to visit you for shortish visits.

VeryPunny · 28/08/2014 13:00

DC2 is due on 1/12 here and I will be doing bog all for Christmas. Yes, some babies are portable but why put yourself through the possible stress??

AllotmentQueen · 28/08/2014 13:02

Not being unreasonable at all. We made the rule from day one that Christmas will be spent at our house from now on - hate travelling over the Christmas period and did it for years.

The ILs have so far refused to come but that's their loss!

Original poster
Whenwillwe3meetagain · 28/08/2014 13:04

Thanks all you are making me feel strong!

I have a bit of a strained relationship with her to be honest and her home isn't very warm or comfortable so I think I could end up being miserable and stuck in the middle of nowhere.

I will let her know she can visit but I will be staying put.

Forgot to mention that the baby has left talipes(club foot) so may be needing the cast changed on Xmas Eve or just after Xmas so another reason to stay put near hospital..

OP posts:
MagratsHair · 28/08/2014 13:12

It depends on your relationship with your mum tbh. If it will be all sleep & lovely meals & a nice long uninterrupted bath then go for it. If you are an exhibit for all her friends & neighbours then no.

Plus when I was a first time mum & I went away I brought the whole caboodle with me which would have been impossible on a train, as my parents were not set up for children in the slightest (clothes for all 3 of us, nappies & changing stuff, baby bath, steriliser, pram, carrycot to sleep in etc)

I'd say no as you honestly cannot predict what will happen & how you will be feeling. I had PND & would cry for hours if someone glared at me or tutted when DS1 was crying as breastfeeding was not working for us & he just wouldn't stop crying. If I had to deal with that on a train it would be bad enough, but I've also been on trains near Christmas where there are no seats & I've had to stand in a corridor for 3 hours. It doesn't bear thinking about.

Stay at home, you have everything you need, you know which shops open when, for nappies & supplies & it will be more relaxed.

grocklebox · 28/08/2014 13:25

Whose to say the baby will be here before Xmas? Do you know many babies that were 5 weeks overdue?

Go if you want to. Don't if you don't.

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