Xmas away from home with new baby

[Whenwillwe3meetagain]

I'm due with DC1 on 20/11 and my mum dropped into conversation that it would be nice if DH and I brought new baby down to hers for Xmas. This would involve a 2 hour train journey as we don't have a car. We were planning on staying at home and people could come to see us if they wanted.

I'd really like to not travel far for a few weeks but am I being precious?

YANBU. It's fine to not want to go anywhere at Xmas whether you have kids or not.

Don't stress about train journeys tho. They're a doddle with a baby- I'm actually on one right now.

On the fence here. Depends on your relationship with your mum, how the birth went and if you did go to your mums you wouldn't do anything but rest and look after your baby. It was only a suggestion by your mum. I'd leave it open ended but say to your mum you properly be in your own home this year. Good luck with the birth. X

Stand your ground now. Since my oldest was born (ten years ago on Christmas Day) we have only left home once for Christmas - with 2 DC and a very long flight to visit family, it was HELL!

I subsequently said we are at home for Christmas every year until all of our DC are significantly older. IMO it is lovely to be at home and establish traditions for your DC. We used to visit my family locally and share out the meals between homes! Now we are living a long way from everyone and they are welcome to stay with us but we will not leave.

Once they are older it also becomes stressful to take all the presents with you, set up Father Christmas somewhere else etc etc.

And besides all that, you will be very newly parents and want to enjoy the break of bank holidays together without adding stress of unnecessary travel (if you don't want to go which it sounds like you don't!)

Can you stay and get looked after? I had an early November baby, and stayed with my inlaws the Christmas after she was born. It was 2 hours by train followed by a half hour drive. It was bliss. I got to lounge around with other people feeding me for 5 days, and all I had to do was feed the baby.

They have a big house, though, so we were able to stay in a comfy room with an ensuite. Going down for the day or staying on a sofa bed would be less pleasant.

Stay at home and start your own family traditions. This may mean you don't have guests either but just do what's suits you. Seriously, do not aim to please others as you will make yourself miserable and you will be setting a precedent for future Christmases.

I think your being a bit precious about the traveling but yanbu about not wanting to go, if you don't want to go just don't go, possible hospital appointment is a much better excuse though. Good luck with the birth

Gosh, no. Say that you are totally delighted that your mum is happy to cook Christmas dinner for you, but at your house. And that you will totally delighted to pop down, in a couple months time for her to show off her gc, when you are more used to each other.

You may have a perfectly under control baby and everything could be fine and dandy... But it really might not be and you will want to feel coccoon at home.

YANBU. At this stage you have no idea how the birth will go or how you'll feel afterwards. And if you plan on breastfeeding the early weeks can be quite tough.

Is she perhaps offering this so that she can help you and look after you?

My middle daughter (now 15) was born on 6th December. We didn't go away that year. My PIL came to us. They brought most of the food with them and they cooked Christmas dinner for everyone. Could your mother not do something like that at your house? That way she sees her new grandchild and can help you out.

I knew a woman who had never had christmas in her own home until she left home and refused to go to her paternal grandparents' house any more! she was quite resentful, and often said she wished her mum had put her foot down the first year rather than setting precedent!

had my dc1 on 11/12 home from hosp on 17/12. dmil housebound and desperate to see new gc - travelled 60 miles on Christmas day to see her for dinner and tea - dsil who lived there made it a lovely surprise for her - even hid the spare veg so she had no idea we were coming. Glad we did because dmil had died by the following Christmas. Travelled 60 miles home that evening and on Boxing day entertained my family for dinner and tea at our house with no help from them. Never say never - you may find it is not a problem especially if you are being looked after!

If you don't want to/think that you wouldn't enjoy it, say no!

Your mum is not being unreasonable to ask but you wouldn't be unreasonable to say no. It's more about spending the first Christmas at home than the travelling issue, as that could come across as precious considering that you don't know how you will feel yet.

This kind of thread can bring out some extreme views so don't be sucked in by the more dramatic ones!

Travelling before baby is likely to be 6 weeks is a bit of a grey area. I've had slow recoveries after a Cs and Vb, and being away within the first 4 weeks would be a no no for me even with routine things like lochia and feeding baby.

DS was 6 days old on his first Christmas. The only plan we had was for friends to have enough spare dinner to deliver to us if we were home as we could well have been overdue, in hospital or as we were, recovering. That was my first Christmas at home.

Worra - the baby would be 5 weeks late if it's not arrived by Christmas

YANBU. You'll get lots of MNs telling you how they backpacked across the Sahara when their child was 3 weeks old, but, tbh, there's an awful lot of us that were just emerging out of a fuzz of being completely overwhelmed, barely able to even get dressed at that stage too. You don't kow what it will be like for you, so, unless you will have space to be on your own at your Mum's, as well as a real belief that everyone will be waiting on you hand and foot, then personally, I'd go with the option to stay at home too.

Yanbu.. i think youre being very realistic about it being a bit of a faff.

however it could be fun. I'm doing the opposite and travelling to London for Christmas to get away from family. Overly optimistic with a high chance i'll bail on the idea? Absolutely!

YANBU. My ds was born end of November and we went to folks for Christmas, but I had a very easy birth, no stitches and was well recovered. Ds however was struggling to feed and going away was not right for him. We were away from medical care when we needed it most. I still feel guilty about it.

We could drive and didn't have a child with talipes. Trains can be really packed before Christmas then after getting back can be a headache due to engineering works.

Depending on your relationship with your mum, maybe say maybe at present, but definitely make sure she is aware than that might be come a no. And have a very low threshold for backing out.

(PS ds2 Is due 30th October and I am staying put!)

YANBU.

I had DS1 on 14/12 and we went to MILs for Christmas. It was a 3 hour drive away. We got there the day after SIL and BIL who had been given the big guest bedroom with double bed. We had the small one with an air bed on the floor! I had had a ventouse delivery and my grandfather had died suddenly and unexpectedly the day before we travelled, so I was feeling fragile.

DNiece had noro, they all knew, and let us travel anyway. Fortunately none of us got it. DS1 was passed around like a parcel, then when he was unsettled left to me and DH to calm down. MIL came bounding into the bedroom at 4:30 am on Christmas morning to see if we wanted to do presents then or later!

Looking back, I did it for their convenience of not having to travel to meet DS1. I should have thought about me and him. I wish we had stayed at home and had beans on toast for Christmas Lunch!

Erm I'm due the 21/11 and really want to go to my mums for Xmas only she lives a 6 hr car journey away. I'm planning to do it but see how I feel nearer the time (eg how birth goes and whether baby is late). Once you are there you won't have to do anything (bar baby) and it will be lovely.

That does depend on the parents/family staying there Sleepy

That is true. I will be a bit disappointed if I can't go as we feel a bit isolated being so far away from them but understand it might not be practical.

YANBU - it will not be "lovely" as somebody suggested, if you have a strained relationship!

I travelled 4 weeks after DC3, but on my own terms - don't let anyone guilt you into travelling soon after delivering your DC1. You have no idea whether you will go overdue and only be 3 weeks post birth, have a c-section, be struggling to BF, be sore from a tear, have a bay who never sleeps for more than 45 mins and be exhausted - or whether for you it will be a breeze with an easy delivery 3 days early and an easy, contented baby, and you will be full of the joys of spring by Christmas, but nobody can tell you that their experience will be yours - just because one person flew single handed across the ocean whilst breast feeding their 2 week old and writing a block buster novel, doesn't mean the next person can manage a 2 hour train journey comfortably.

There is much eye rolling at "Mummy Martyrs" on MN sometimes - but this seems to be at term directed exclusively at those who adapt their lives around their children, usually because doing so actually makes their own lives easier - apparently mothers of babies and young children are eminently U in the eyes of some if they don't put themselves to considerable inconvenience, discomfort and stress to fit in with the whims, wishes, quirks, and expectations of adult extended family, friends and vague acquaintances... The double standards are somewhat breath taking sometimes.

Say no to your mum, you have no way of knowing if you'll be up to it, whether you'll feel energised and want to show your baby off, or cozy and loved up - or exhausted and uncomfortable - and want to stay home in your sloppy comfy joggers.

I wasn't a Mummy Martyr, I did have DS2 in the second week of December and me and my ex-husband did travel 2 hours to my PIL that Christmas.

However, I knew I was going to spend a very laid-back few days in a comfy, warm, hospitable house where excellent meals were going to turn up at regular intervals while I sat like the Queen of Sodding Sheba on the sofa feeding DS2 while having civilised conversations (or snoozing!) while everyone else entertained my 18 month old DS1 and made a non-intrusive fuss of DS1.

Had none of those conditions pertained then I'd have gone precisely nowhere that Christmas! So go with your instincts, OP and stay home where you will be much more comfortable.

You know what, baby or no, trains or no, you have the right to choose to spend Christmas in your own home.

So do so.

Not that I'm issuing orders or anything!