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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think your average 6-8 yr old can wait to go to the toilet?

44 replies

PeppaPug · 27/08/2014 23:24

I have an 8 yr old DSD who insists that when she says she needs the toilet, she needs to be taken to find one that very minute. Similarly, several of my DDs (she's 6) friends have their parents rushing them to the toilet immediately whenever they say they need to go. So, if we're at the cinema and there's ten minutes left, they'll miss most of it. If we're eating out, our meal will be interrupted. If we are on a journey wehave to deviate, potentially waking toddler DD and causing big delays.

None of the children in question have any toileting issues but it's made me wonder if I'm unreasonable with regard to my 6 yr old. If we're eating out, going to the cinema or in the car I'll ask beforehand if she needs to use the toilet. If she doesn't then if she says while doing whatever it is that she does, I'll ask that she waits. She does without complaint and there's never been any accidents or anything but AIBU to not drop everything to take her immediately?

OP posts:
BeachyKeen · 27/08/2014 23:36

YANBU not to rush your child to the toilet, because she clearly has no issues. That doesn't mean that all other kids will find it as easy. My DS has sensory issues, and he would not know he had to go until about a minute beforehand.
I am sure you would be more upset if a child wet themselves in the theatre, of pooped themselves in the car, than you would be for stopping to find a wc.

BackforGood · 27/08/2014 23:42

What Beachy said. There's quite a lot of people that actually do need to go as soon as they need to go. It's difficult enough for them, without having other people tutting, puffing and raising eyebrows. Sad

Original poster
PeppaPug · 27/08/2014 23:42

I didn't say all other kids, I said your average child of this age - thus implying no added difficulties.

OP posts:
Karsyn · 27/08/2014 23:42

yanbu, but i think there's nothing wrong with going to the toilet in a restaurant during a meal

SaucyJack · 27/08/2014 23:43

I think it depends entirely on the situation.

If it's very inconvenient or difficult then I will make them wait. I don't make them wait for the sake of it tho- I think it's a bit mean/disrectful. It's not nice having to hold it in and I wouldn't make myself wait unless it was absolutely necessary.

Original poster
PeppaPug · 27/08/2014 23:45

I am not talking about people that have issues with toileting. The children I am talking about I know well enough to know they have no toileting difficulties yet they are never asked/expected to wait therefore I was wondering if I'm unreasonable to ask my DD to do so.

OP posts:
Original poster
PeppaPug · 27/08/2014 23:48

DSD for example though, SaucyJack, will wait until we've sat down with food - say in McDonald's - and despite being asked if she needed to go five minutes earlier will then say she needs to go. I'm not happy letting her go alone or leaving the other DC at the table while I take her so everyones food gets cold as we traipse to the toilet. In situations like these I think it's reasonable to ask her to wait.

OP posts:
Artistic · 27/08/2014 23:49

YANBU. I ask my DD(7) to wait. I always ask her beforehand & if she says no then I suppose there isn't any emergency & she can wait for 10-15mins while we finish a meal or drive to our destination rather than drop everything & rush. I do find it off when other kids insist on going the very second they declare it. One of Dd's friend 'always' needs a poo in the middle of her meal. Every time. Her mom has probably never had a single meal without a toilet trip interruption. On one hand I feel sorry for her. On the other hand I feel the child has been encouraged to expect this. Why she can't be trained to poo in the mornings or as a routine rather than at meal times - baffles me!

CointreauVersial · 27/08/2014 23:50

DD1 would always go from not needing the toilet at all, to being absolutely desperate in a matter of minutes. She is now 13, and has only just grown out of this.

I've lost count of the amount of times I've driven home from school at top speed, with her shrieking and jiggling up and down in the back seat, and it's only a ten minute drive. Many's the time she couldn't quite get to the loo on time. She actually wet herself on the train a couple of years ago.

So, maybe the "average" child can hold on, but not all.

Karsyn · 27/08/2014 23:51

she's 8. she can use the toilet by herself. I do think that yabu to think people should wait if they need to use the toilet during a meal. restaurants have toilets for a reason

WineWineWine · 27/08/2014 23:53

All kids are different. If your DD is fine with hanging on, then no problem. Other kids aren't so good. Going to the loo during a meal isn't a huge deal. Sometimes it becomes more of a nervous habit. I suspect they will grow out of it and I wouldn't worry about it too much. Stay relaxed about it and take them as soon as is reasonable after asking.

StripyBanana · 28/08/2014 00:17

I think yabu to make a child wait unnecessarily (ie no reason why not to use a toilet I a restaurant if there or to pull over at next available stop if in the car.) Obviously you dont stop the car in the middle of the motorway but you find the next safe space to stop. I thi k its just general respect, and its not good for the bladder to either repeatedly hold it in or train it to hold when you need to go.

MrsMook · 28/08/2014 00:18

DS is 3 and can usually hang on a little while unless he's started the fidget dance. Having a younger sibling, I often can't whip him off to the toilet immediately as I have to sort the logistics for Ds2.

StripyBanana · 28/08/2014 00:19

I think saying "can you wait 5mins until xyz" is fine, as long as they know that if they say no you will take them.

I think saying "no you have to wait " in a place where there are toilets (cinema, restaurant etc) is cruel.

StripyBanana · 28/08/2014 00:20

Artistic - trained to poo in the mornings?! Are you serious?

vvviola · 28/08/2014 00:23

DD1 (just turned 7) seems to need to go the minute it becomes slightly inconvenient Hmm - just as we are about to walk out the door, just after restarting a long drive after a break, at lights out time, just as she sits down to dinner.

It's infuriating. But I suspect she's just a bit anxious about it - I've noticed that other times she goes from absolutely fine to needing to go now within the space of a few seconds.

I suspect it's a little like the toddler stage of "I'm too busy having fun/watching tv/playing my game" until the last minute.

MrsWinnibago · 28/08/2014 00:27

Both of my children can wait but I don't assume that's the same for all children. Some have anxiety about wetting themselves because they struggled to potty train or because they're not dry at night.

BoomBoomsCousin · 28/08/2014 00:32

In general I agree that a 6 year old without any particular problems should be able to wait 10 minutes after they've realized they need to go. But I think at six some children are still learning their toiletting cues, both biological and social. So asking your DSD 5 mins before you sit down to eat may be a trigger for her that starts her brain thinking about the toilet and then needing it. I have 6 year old twins and when one wants to go the other will say they are fine, but a few minutes later will be desperate, far more desperate than if she'd just been left to discover she needed to go in her own time. I just insist they both go if we're about to do something where it would be awkward, but that's all down to them being use to doing it that way.

On the other hand I think an average 8 year old should be able to go to the toilet or sit with a McDonald's by herself for a few minutes.

halfpastshite · 28/08/2014 00:59

Trained to shit?/maybe get some sort of whistle.
Too funny

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 28/08/2014 01:15

Most children at that age can wait, yes. You are not being unreasonable to expect them to, on the whole.

However, depending on how she was toilet trained, if someone says 'do you need the toilet' it will put it in her mind, when she hadn't even thought about it and so her reaction will be 'No' but once you have sewn the seed... so, I wouldn't ask her if she needs to go, I would take her to the toilet before the cinema, before a meal etc andtell her 'to try' - 99/100 she will go. TThen if she 'needs to go' again during the meal you can ask her to wait. I am sure she will tell you if it gets to the stage where she can't wait.

I think whether the child can go to the toilet on their own or not very much depends on where you live/are at the time. Around here I would let a small child go by themselves in most places, other areas I would be going with a much older child - people have to make that call for themselves.

erin99 · 28/08/2014 01:28

Your average one probably can, but toiletting issues are a lot more common than most people think, and it's not something people talk about much so YABU to think ALL the children you mention have no issues just because you don't know of any. I think about 10% of DD's Y2 class are allowed to go to the loo as soon as they ask. There are probably others with more minor cases who can wait a little.

Cinema is a particular problem because DC tend not to mention until absolutely desperate, for fear of missing an important bit.

At 8 can she not go to the loo in the restaurant by herself?

Mrsredwine · 18/06/2018 11:54

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LagunaBubbles · 18/06/2018 12:01

Why she can't be trained to poo in the mornings or as a routine rather than at meal times - baffles me!

Really? Remember this is a child we are talking about not a dog, you think children can be trained to open their bowels only in the morning? Hmm

busybarbara · 18/06/2018 12:03

I am not talking about people that have issues with toileting

In my experience the majority of MNers have children with SN for some reason so this might be a poor place to ask..

RunningBean · 18/06/2018 12:03

My DDs nearly 6 and will suddenly need to go.
If I ask her if she needs to go before going out she'll say she doesn't think so, go and try and seem surprised that she actually did.
I think some kids aren't as good at realising before they really need to go as others are.