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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish DH would just bloody leave for work on time

78 replies

PeoniesforMissAnnersley · 27/08/2014 08:00

DH is always late. When we have to go somewhere I'm standing in the hall at the time I've said we need to leave, which is when he'll start trying to find his sunglasses/keys/wallet. The only way we can leave on time is if I follow him around asking where his stuff is and hurrying him up.

At the moment he works in another city which is an hour's drive away - every single night he says "I'll need to leave at X time tomorrow because I need to be in at Y time to do Z". And every single morning he leaves late, comes back for things he's forgotten, arrives in his workplace way later than he planned and then ends up coming home late as he has to stay and make up the hours.
This morning he was supposed to get the train (he usually drives), knew what time the train was at, arsed around until he's not left enough time to get to the station and is now leaving on a much later train meaning he will be back really late tonight.

I know this is a small, petty thing (and he is an awesome man and lovely DH) but it is driving me crackers that he can't just get his ass up out of bed, get dressed and go to bloody work on time! I can't believe that his employer doesn't notice that he's always late.

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 27/08/2014 08:06

Can you set all the clocks forward 15 minutes?

Or get him to put all his stuff in a man bag at the door each night ready for the morning?

This drives me crackers...I already allow 15 mins faff factor but that's when I am going somewhere.

Andrewofgg · 27/08/2014 08:07

I sympathise. I will just say that being unpunctual is an equal-opps route to annoy your OH and leave it there!

wowfudge · 27/08/2014 08:09

YADNBU - could you set the time (not the alarm) on the alarm clock fifteen minutes early so he is up earlier than he thinks? Or get him to get everything together that he'll need the night before so he can just grab it as he leaves the house?

Original poster
PeoniesforMissAnnersley · 27/08/2014 08:10

funky he'd see through the clock thing in a heartbeat! I suppose I could make him pack his bag/iron shirt every night but I resent having to be his mum!

What it comes down to is a) he hates getting up and delays it unless I leap up and drag him out of bed and b) he is a chronic faffer/procrastinator who will start watering the garden instead of leaving for work Grin

OP posts:
SourSweets · 27/08/2014 08:11

Oh my god my husband is exactly the same. He also ALWAYS decides he needs as at minute wee while I'm stood with my hand on the door, a bag over my shoulder and a baby in my arm.

It is infuriating! No advice, just sympathy.

SourSweets · 27/08/2014 08:11

A last minute wee* that should say.

RobotLover68 · 27/08/2014 08:12

My DH does this when we're going somewhere. eg. Me and the kids are sitting in the car and I've locked up and he will get out and go back in for his glasses which he needs for driving - every. single. time

YANBU

kelda · 27/08/2014 08:14

Very frustrating, but as you say, you are not his mum, and I don't think you should do anything at all to help him be at work on time. He is a grown up and it is entirely his responsibility.

Original poster
PeoniesforMissAnnersley · 27/08/2014 08:15

He also doesn't get why it annoys me and gets really upset and injured when I get cranky about it (which I try not to do, but obviously the rage breaks out occasionally!)

OP posts:
Pipbin · 27/08/2014 08:16

Sweeping generalisation here but all men seem to need that last minute wee.
My dad was the same. He'd say 'we are going to leave at 8.15, don't be late'. So at 8.15 there is me and mum all ready to go, and he would say 'are we all ready then? I'll just go for a wee'. The worst thing about that was that he would use the toilet by the back door, not close the door so we would hear the whole thing including the accompanying fart.

thoughtsescapeme · 27/08/2014 08:17

Sounds so irritating, but just like me!

GnomeDePlume · 27/08/2014 08:19

YANBU

It is likely that his employer and colleagues will have noticed. Last minute Larrys are the bane of my life. They turn up late for everything, have forgotten things they were supposed to have brought with them, every sodding time.

Has he been in this role long? If he is having to make up hours missed then I would guess that someone has noticed.

This weekend he needs to get his crap in order:

  • work out where he is all week and what time he needs to be leaving the house each day
  • sort out the clothes he needs for the whole week
  • work out what he needs to take with him for each morning and make a place for them so that the night before he can put these things out (if I have things I might forget then I connect them to my car keys)

He needs to sort this out as he will put his future prospects in his job at risk. I wouldnt promote someone who came across as incompetent.

LapsedTwentysomething · 27/08/2014 08:20

DH is a bit like this. But he always finds time for a full shower. He is lucky enough that he's mates with the boss. If I did it I'd be out on my arse by now.

turkeyboots · 27/08/2014 08:20

DH does this too. I just pretend to sleep through his faffing and over the years he's improved. He still drives me mad faffing, but he no longer misses trains or planes or gets sacked for being late repeatedly.

FickleByNurture · 27/08/2014 08:23

I sympathise very much. Mr Fickle is awfully similar. He tends to procrastinate with reading the news in bed.

It's not just mornings either. I can give the man regular updates on when dinner is ready, ending in 15 minutes, 10 minutes, 5 minutes, about to dish up, dishing up and at the point I'm about to put the food on the table it'll either not have been cleared yet when he's been working on it or he will have remembered something urgent he needs to do right that minute.

Last notable occasion he just went to go and light the sodding incinerator, left the door open and 10 minutes later (despite nagging) pottered back in looking pleased with himself, stinking of smoke, to a cold dinner and a fuming Fickle.

FunkyBoldRibena · 27/08/2014 08:23

He irons his shirts in the morning? Of course he should iron them way before the moment he needs them. Sunday afternoons are good for ironing.

My OH gets all his clothes ready the night before, and his lunch ready in the fridge to go; and keys/wallet/phone are in the kitchen drawer - so he just gets up, dresses, has breakfast, grabs lunch and goes. He's not always been like this - but since getting a job an hour away and having to be in at 8 he has been much more organised. I used to live 96 miles from work and had to drive there so was more militant in those days.

Original poster
PeoniesforMissAnnersley · 27/08/2014 08:26

He's v good mates with his line manager, and the big boss isn't in the same part of the building so I think that's how he gets away with it. He was given a formal warning in one of his previous jobs (a PT thing he did immediately after uni) for being late so often and after that he was on time every day, and he did get a great reference from that job when he left, but he was so aghast at being warned, he couldn't believe it!
Even typing this has been so cathartic. Thanks everyone Flowers

I just don't get it - if I know I've to be somewhere, I adjust my activities accordingly. He just can't seem to do that. It's like that part of his brain is broken. When we travel anywhere by plane/ferry I have to go into full on sargeant major mode to make sure we don't miss it.

OP posts:
Original poster
PeoniesforMissAnnersley · 27/08/2014 08:28

You're right ribena - he'll be ironing those bad boys on Sunday for the week Grin we have a cleaner in term time and both she and I individually suggested to him that she could iron them all when she's here and he said no, he likes doing it at 8am when he is supposed to have left at 7.30

OP posts:
gamerchick · 27/08/2014 08:28

To be absolutely honest, as hard as it will be I think the answer is to stop the getting him up for work thing.

Don't tell him you're stopping... just don't do it.

He's not going to take any responsibility while you're getting him up and chivvying him on.

Original poster
PeoniesforMissAnnersley · 27/08/2014 08:30

Shock gamer I actually wonder what would happen... slightly concerned he just wouldn't get up at all but clearly he would as he managed to get to work while I was away teaching at a summer school earlier in the summer. Although at what time, I shudder to think Confused

OP posts:
gamerchick · 27/08/2014 08:31

And I would be leaving without him for any things you have to go to as well. Course that could backfire if he doesn't want to go in the first place.

gamerchick · 27/08/2014 08:35

He would be mega late the first time and wounded you didn't get him up.

But it sends out a clear message about how unacceptable it is and people are sick of it. After that it's up to him, the way you have to do it would drive me nuts.

Like when I have to get myself up for work I'm a lot more on the ball but on the days my husbands off and I have to be up i'll linger because I know he'll come and give me a rattle when it's the latest time to get up.

Just stop.

NickNackNooToYou · 27/08/2014 08:35

Another one with a last minute wee of a 'D'H, drives me round the bend.

I'm up and often leave for work early, he is nearly always late and only works 5 minutes from.home. The only time he is early is when he drops the DCs at school and I've drilled into them the leave at 8.30 for school, so I think the fact they're not late is due to the DCs and not their father Hmm

He also spends a huge amount of time fannying round not achieving much, clearly a bloke thing again another huge generalisation

Iggly · 27/08/2014 08:37

Leave him be. It doesn't cross my mind if DH is going to be late for work. On the rare occasions he is late I don't notice as busy getting ready myself.

I only get annoyed if it makes me late.

So he's an adult, leave him to it.

HappyAgainOneDay · 27/08/2014 08:38

RobotLover68 If your DH uses those spectacles just for driving, why aren't they kept in the car? I suppose he might use them for television as well ......

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