to feel like bf is ruining my life

[Beatrixemerald]

I am so fucking miserable (defo not pnd just tired and overwhelmed) husband went to watch football this aft, still out and absolutely hammered and I am here on my own, as usual, dd on breast, screaming If I try to put her down for a second. I feel lonely all the time but nights are the worst.
Dd is 9 weeks old, she was sleeping in 4/5 hr chunks at night but since her jabs last week its gone back to 2-3 hrs. She wont be put down at all which means we co-sleep and I carry her around all day, my husband does very little citing the fact I am bf as the main reason as he cant do ,uch (despite me giving him examples of things hecould do). I just feel if I could bring myself to give her some formula then I could at leastmake sure I couldleave her with my mum for a couple of hours to get a break.
I struggle to trust my husband with her as we have big arguments over leaving her to cry (I wont do it).
The pressure to breastfeed is so immense and as someone who wants positive feedback, I like all the pats on the head from the various hcp's that I am doing everything right and feel like I would be letting dd down.
I have also tried expressing, I barely get time to be able to do it inbetween feeds with someone else taking care of dd mearby whilst I do it, so exprrssing enough to be meaningful isnt really an option.
I feel like my relationship is going down the pan, we are living completely seperate lives and we cant have sex because we get no time when dd will be in her travel cot/moses basket etc. I have tried all the things like warming with a hot water bottle etc, dont work.
I love my dd to distraction, feel like I am obsessed with her, but cant get my head around being desperate for some time away from her but missing her when I am in the shower (when I get the opportunity when dh or dsd can hold her).
I dont have much support as dh's parents are both dead and mine both work full time and live in another city.
Feel like I am at my witse end, The only thing I can see i can change is moving to ff and hopefully then dh would be able to do more and dd might sleep better.
Apologies for the rant, I just want to know if anyone else has felt this way and what they have done about it, thanks

At Elmersnewfriend - people have been very supportive, but knowing MN there are also bound to be some less so. Also OP is clearly feeling guilty. Most people who breastfeed are clearly not fascists but there are some very dogmatic ones. I have no Interest in promoting FF over BF - as I said I expressed milk myself....so actually did neither. I think it's terrible that women feel so much pressure to breast feed.

Sorry that you're cross though.

I agree with mini that putting her down for a bit even if she is crying won't hurt her. But at the same time it won't hurt dh to hold her for a while for you so you can get a break without worrying.

If you have a dh who decides to put the baby down to cry as soon as it is his turn to look after her he is not really helping is he? No , it won't hurt her to be put down but he should consider his job to be to give you some peace rather than have the baby screaming during your supposed break.

Agree with all The comments that it is fine to give some formula if it gives you a break, ie giving someone else a chance to give a feed. I have combination fed to ds who is just six months and it has made bf easier for me. I have been able to go out and do things and even go abroad with dd for a few days to a wedding as a result. However, it did result in me having to give a lot of formula feeds myself which is a pain with bottles. Dh was v keen on mixed feed with lots of talk about doing night feeds etc and although this materialised sometimes it wasn't always the magic route to sharing more evenly that was promised!

However am now still bf along side weaning and giving formula so it has been good for me to be relaxed about bottles.

Breast feeding is a nightmare but good for the kids I guess. It took about 6 weeks for it to click and yes enormous pressure from nct types.

Hi BeatrixEmerald, hope you've had a better day today and that your DH is being more supportive.

I've not read any of the replies to your OP but wanted to empathise and share that BF became a nightmare for me too (DS was fine, I got constant mastitis, thrush etc) and I remember crying my eyes out that I'd be 'letting him down' if I stopped.
I now realise that was bonkers. I switched, with reluctance, fully to formula at 6 weeks as he was eating every two hours and it would have been impossible to express at that rate and ever sleep and my supply diminished. He's fine, and once i had calmed down, I realised that it wasn't the be all and end all I originally saw it as.
I hope things improve for you soon. Hopefully things will get back on track with your DH too - good luck!

Hi all, thanks again for the support and advice, apologies for bad grammer, typing one handed with suprise suprise dd attached to breast! After a blazing row this morning (well me shouting) I think dh understands that if we both want me to continue ebf then he needs to help me make that possible, today he has helped a lot. Dsd who is 15 keeps offering too and she is so good with dd and adores her so I am going to lean on her a bit more.
What I might do is have some formula ready for the 12 week growth spurt which I am already doing and mix some up with some expressed milk if I get the chance and have it ready to help then. Pistolwhipped - I meant what I said, when I am in the shower for 10 mins and dd is being looked after by dh or dsd I miss her.

Glad to hear that your DH is getting the message about supporting you (irrespective of how you feed your baby). Your dsd sounds lovely btw, great to have such a hands-on big sister.

I think it's completely normal to miss your baby when you're in the shower for 10 mins! I certainly felt unease when I couldn't see my DS, for a good long while after he was born.

Yes it's totally normal. Please bear in mind that growth spurts are a bit sort of arbitrary and may not happen at the right times or even at all. I never noticed mine having any - though they did randomly want more milk at various times. Sometimes it was increasing their supply, sometimes just teething, or whatever - who knows!

I am glad you have told him he needs to step up but just watch out for more signs of weirdness, eg blaming you for everything as it's your fault he has to do this now, etc etc...you get the picture.

I hope you manage to carry on for as long as you want to. I fed one of mine till he was 4 and a half, but probably won't with ds3!

I'm so glad you're not stopping just yet. Do it when it feels right and not a moment before. Also be aware some babies may not take a bottle. None of mine ever has till I think the earliest was 16 months with ds1. He just refused and got very upset when I tried. That's not unusual for a fully breastfed baby.

Beatrix, I EBF my 1st baby & it was sheer he'll. I was feeding all the time, he had colic, sleep just didn't happen. I fed him until he was 9 months old.
I mix-fed my 2nd. I would BF during the day, but give a bottle at bedtime. I didn't lose my milk & by 9 weeks I was probably giving him a small bottle during the day too. I BF baby 2 for 7 months & I found mixing was great.
You should not feel under pressure from anyone. DH should be supporting you. Giving up breastfeeding is a big thing & you have done so well to get to 9 weeks.
Giving 1 or 2 bottles a day might allow you to continue BF a little longer.