Cake - am I wrong?

[WildFlowersAttractBees]

Just home from a mini get together at a friends. There were four women and nine dc's under 5 between us. We have all taken a turn to host and this was the first afternoon at this woman's house.

I took along a home baked cake, another lady took a fruit loaf and third lady brought strawberries and blueberries.

When it came time for tea and cake I asked DD what she would like a piece of and the host piped up 'children don't eat cake in our house, there are biscuits in the playroom'. I politely pointed out that DD had helped make the cake and she is allowed small treats and she replied 'homemade cake is for adults here'. The hosts children ate cake on the previous play dates.
Luckily DD went and got a biscuit happily but it left me feeling uneasy. Am I wrong?

Oh get OVER yourselves Looking down and sneering is really unattractive. My DC eat the food we eat...healthy, normal food but if they went to a friend's and were given "kiddy" food I would never be so rude to judge. And my children would eat what they were given and say thank you.

Erm, in this instance the OP and her daughter cooked the cake so it actually belonged to the daughter; the host was definitely in the wrong here.

Still, makes for interesting future situations if she ever gets invited out again.

MrsKOala all the parents who have had my DDs ask "What do they like to eat? Have they any allergies or things they hate?" and I always say "They'll always eat pasta with orbo and they'll always eat chips or pizza" as they are easy for people to prep when they're looking after extra kids.

DD has only once had a sit down formal meal at a friends (she was 4) which was trout and something else she'd never tried...and she ate it all and liked it....mostly people do them a little "picnic" meal....and they enjoy that I always play it safe and don't worry about it if they don't eat much....often, small ones are over-excited anyway!

*pasta with orbo"? I meant pasta with cheese! Wtf is ORBO?

Cake doesn't "belong" to the person who made it when it's been given as a gift

The mum was bonkers though!

Funky obviously I was not referring to the OPs cake situation! I meant the judgy posters who were saying "Wtf is KIDS food anyway?" and sneering.

I don't feed my children different food to that which DH and I eat but I don't sneer at people who do....my friend for instance. Her son is Autistic but appears to be NT...I suppose they'd judge her in a cafe when she gets him crappy kids food. BUt he has sensory issues and won't eat much. I suppose she shouldn't worry but she does.

"Maybe it was about the mess. I can't bear kids wandering around dropping cake crumbs everywhere that then get walked into carpets and leaving greasy smears on windows and wiping icing on furniture or toys.

I would have let the kids eat cake but sitting at the table"

That's what I would have done.

I hate it when i bake a cake and take it to someone and then they're all mean and sensible with the slicing. Crumbly slivers of cake and then its covered up and pushed aside for storing.
Eat it now!

Crikey, bun fight anyone? Sorry it was the best cake pun I could come up with!

I will see one of the other mums tomorrow (both older kids have a thing on together) so we can have a bit of a bitch then.

I don't think it was a house proud thing, she isn't overly tidy. I am a bit house proud but crumbs are a part of life, they clean up!
DH wonders if she is just new to all this and not too sure of etiquette - that said, who is?!?

When everyone comes to ours I always bake a cake and if they bring anything put it all on the table with knives and cake plates... they can all dig in. I then divvy it all up and send it home with them. Being left with a few slices for older DC's and DH is one thing but the remains of several cakes would be stupid.

Just to clarify, I make the kids either eat it at the table or in the garden if its a nice day!

DS doesn't like cake. He likes to make it, but won't eat it. I love cake and used to get so judged when I told hosts "he doesn't like cake, have you got a digestive biscuit?" They thought I wouldn't allow him it while I scoffed it!!

Much easier now he says it himself. And negotiates for a custard cream .

He doesn't like crisps or haribo type sweets either. But would eat his own body weight in chocolate if he could.

Strange child

A few cake crumbs about is not the end of the world! Our children have been brought up to eat the same food as us and have very varied tastes but also enjoy "kiddie" food now and again. Took DS and DGC to a local tapas place for lunch. The owner was a bit worried when we arrived as he only had one burger left. I assured him they would eat the same as us and they tucked into olives, chorizo,manchego and salad etc. My friend used to cook steak for her and husband and gave her daughter jam sandwiches saying she would not eat meat!

Sand... jam sandwiches instead of steak . That is bad!

My DC's are the same, meals out are getting more and more expensive!

Steaks are plenty big enough to slice some off for the kids.

Poor girl.

Maybe when they said that the daughter wouldn't eat meat, they were being truthful rather than mean?

DS1 (3yrs) refuses to eat any meat except sausages and mince cooked into sauces (i.e. Bolognese sauce). We've tried giving him a bit of whatever meat we eat at mealtimes, but he just won't eat it. I think it might be a texture thing.

So anyway, if DH and I were cooking steak, then yes, we'd have an alternative for DS1. Not because we think he doesn't deserve steak, but because past experience suggests it would end up being rejected by him.

My kids love having a plate of something beige with chips and beans when we go out to eat.

I don't cook stuff like that at home so it's far more of a novelty/treat for them than yet another bloody thai curry or chickpea tagine

Steak would be completely wasted on DD (DS would eat his own body weight in it though) so we would make something else for her. No need for pity

To clarify, the Mum I had the "Kiddie food" conversation with actually defined what she meant; basically breaded stuff.

But yes, I agree I wouldn't serve a homemade casserole to a visiting child. But I would serve homemade pizza, pasta with a choice of sauce, nice sausages and wedgies etc. and I would always check with the child before I started cooking.

I am going to be massively irritating here, but my eldest came back from his very first play date very excited because he had been given "treat restaurant food". Actually chicken nuggets. But that is a very good illustration of how screwed up kids' eating out experiences are.

Ooh cross posted with Saucy. I am not alone.

I assumed it was a mess thing. The worst you can do with a few plain biscuits is crumbs but cake is a whole other thing, especially if they were taking it to another room.

She didn't handle it well though.

You know for next time. I also hated this "getting to know other mums" business. So YANBU

My friends Mum cooked all whole foods and almost vegan when she was growing up (bean and nut bakes etc). Then for xmas dinner every year she let my friend and her siblings choose whatever they wanted. They would gleefully request nuggets, fish fingers, waffles, alphabites (are they still around?) findus crispy pancakes etc. Friends mum said it was the easiest day of the year for her. And she would treat herself to a big steak :)

DS has sensory issues so wont eat anything dry. So he'll be a right fussy bugger to cater for, he only eats very wet food (fear of gagging) so nuggets and chips are out for us. It's why we struggle with kids menus - as everything is too dry for him. I end up getting a starter of soup instead, or an adult meal which has mash and gravy/sauce on and sharing it.

MrsW - i got excited at Orbo when i read your post. I thought it might be a new interesting sauce for pasta we could try, but sadly just a typo

If it's a school friend coming I normally do fish fingers, or make your own pizza, or jacket potatoes with a variety of toppings although last friend we had over I made Olaf out of mashed potato, sausages and baby carrots!
If it's a friends child I generally know what they like, last
Time I did fish pie and aparantley my friends been instructed toake it like mine from now on!!

We all eat the same meal in our house, only exception is curry night where kids have korma and me and DH have something spicier but kids are welcome to try some

Saying that tomorrow we are having a £10
Meal deal after kids in bed as it's out wedding anniversary so kids will have either fish cakes or leftover lasagne hat I have made for tea tonight.

Bonkers. You don't host an event, invite guests to bring cake and then start making rules about who can eat it! If your own DCs aren't allowed to eat cake then fine, insist they have biscuits. But being a host is all about hospitality, not weird denials of it.

I'm not keen on a crumby after-cake messes particularly but you just encourage eating at the table or in the garden if that's where everyone is playing.

I went to a toddler group once where they never celebrated the childrens birthdays but did the adult helpers.

We were there for one of the helpers birthdays and all the adults were given cake. I gave half each to my DC.

I also never went back!

This woman is bonkers-children love cake!

At the toddler group i go to there is tea and biscuits out and then they bring fruit out later. I don't eat biscuits much, so when i get a tea i pick a biscuit for ds and he also shares my tea. I never even thought it was odd (he often has cake too if there is some), Altho i did notice i was getting some 'looks' from a few other mums and a couple of dc were trying to take the biscuit off DS. I've never seen a mum give their dc a biscuit tho. Then at a specified snack time a plate of chopped fruit comes out with squash to drink, and the children are made to sit down and eat and drink at the table. DS hates fruit so carries on playing.

I've just realised that the 'looks' are probably at my biscuit and tea giving and my fruit hating non sitting ds . It has never occurred to me that they were only for adults till this thread. Oh dear. I'm a shit toddler group mum

"Oh, fair enough, I'll take DD's slice home in a party bag then - thanks!"

"Oh, sorry, in THIS house and every other, DD does not eat commercially made chocolate products. She can sit with the adults of you don't want your DS to see another child eating a home made product"

Just miss her off the hosting rota in future. "oh, I'll do it next time because I can't do it the week after..." so that she never gets a chance.