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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cake - am I wrong?

150 replies

WildFlowersAttractBees · 21/08/2014 14:43

Just home from a mini get together at a friends. There were four women and nine dc's under 5 between us. We have all taken a turn to host and this was the first afternoon at this woman's house.

I took along a home baked cake, another lady took a fruit loaf and third lady brought strawberries and blueberries.

When it came time for tea and cake I asked DD what she would like a piece of and the host piped up 'children don't eat cake in our house, there are biscuits in the playroom'. I politely pointed out that DD had helped make the cake and she is allowed small treats and she replied 'homemade cake is for adults here'. The hosts children ate cake on the previous play dates.
Luckily DD went and got a biscuit happily but it left me feeling uneasy. Am I wrong?

OP posts:
StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 21/08/2014 18:20

nah she wanted it for herself, greedy mare Grin

TheRealAmandaClarke · 21/08/2014 18:22

Controlling lunacy.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 21/08/2014 18:25

What Giles said.

Marmiteandjamislush · 21/08/2014 18:45

YANBU, it would make me feel really uneasy too. I can't stand selfishness, which is what it was. There is no such thing as adults and kids food as far as I'm concerned.

MCSpammer · 21/08/2014 18:50

Thank you Magrats I have just laughed out loud at your Marie Antoinette suggestion. Really cheered me up Grin

Finola1step · 21/08/2014 18:53

She reminds me of my (step) nan.

She used to always offer the adult male members of the family first, then women, then the children got the crumbs.

When my mum was a kid, Nan would buy cakes every Saturday. One each for her, Grandad and their two full biological children. Mum and her full siblings would be given a biscuit.

I'm sure your friend isn't mean in that way. And I suppose the old mumsnet saying "Her house, her rules" can be taken a tad too far.

Original poster
WildFlowersAttractBees · 21/08/2014 20:49

I wish I had said something but the others and I all just looked a bit ConfusedHmm at each other. It was a peach iced sponge so not super messy.

I called DH when we got home (for something else) and mentioned it. He came home from work with a pack of mini cupcakes... 3 happy DC's!

OP posts:
Purplepoodle · 21/08/2014 20:58

Does she have only 1 child by any chance ? I have a friend who freaks out about messy crumbs and sends kids outside to eat cake ect lol

Original poster
WildFlowersAttractBees · 21/08/2014 21:33

Yes one child, he is 4.

OP posts:
DizzyKipper · 21/08/2014 21:46

Ask her for the rest of your cake back! Ok I don't know whether that classes as petty, I suspect it does, but I love cake - I couldn't abide leaving it with a woman to stuff her face with when she could be so mean as deny it to the children. Especially if that was her plan. Just ring her up and tell her you mistakenly left the remains of the cake there and will be along shortly to pick it up.

smokeandfluff · 21/08/2014 21:56

Maybe she thought the kids were going to spread cake crumbs all over the house? Otherwise it's bizarre behaviour.

5Foot5 · 21/08/2014 22:27

Purplepoodle Enough with the dissing of people with one child ,OK? I have one and I consider this woman weird and very rude and would not be keen to socialise again.

Or at least, if she is such an adherent to "my house, my rules" then the nest time OP hosts she could get lots of lovely, scrummy treats for the kids ans some healthy snacks for the adults and announce "Sorry, the home made hummus dip is only for adults in this house, children get (Tunnocks tea cakes/home made brownies/Pringles/Jaffa cakes) delete as appropriate

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 21/08/2014 22:30

Is she a larger greedy lady or was it an issue with crumbs?

Either way she was wrong

sezamcgregor · 22/08/2014 15:34

I would have picked up cake and taken it, DD and my chair outside into the garden - cake alfresco!

I do invoke "my house, my rules" for games of monopoly (the taxation money goes into the bank, not free parking) but not for cake eating! Ha, in our house the rule is - eat it now because it won't be there in the morning!

MERLYPUSSEDOFF · 22/08/2014 15:45

I'd have taken a bit home for your child to eat in the car and said to host 'My kids eat 'ADULT' cake at home so I'll take it with me thanks'

Barmy.

LilyandGinger · 22/08/2014 15:53

Maybe it's a mess issue rather than a cake issue?

Crinkle77 · 22/08/2014 16:26

No you are not wrong. She is just odd. Why should the kids be treated differently and be expected to make do with crappy biscuits and be shoved in the play room?

zipzap · 22/08/2014 16:40

Another vote for she wanted to eat it herself!

I'd have asked 'Why' in shock I think - I can't imagine why she thinks that children shouldn't eat homemade cake! I'd have thought it was much better for them than shop made biscuits.

I would be talking to the rest of the mums in the interim to hatch devious plans for the next time we saw her to give her her comeuppance... although in reality we'd probably just talk and not do anything Grin

If I did ever go back to her house, I would take great delight in taking a special cake especially for the children - and say they could eat it in the kitchen / outside etc if she complained about them eating it. And make sure that I had taken enough of my own paper napkins to divide it up between all the other children to take home at the end so she couldn't keep it for herself - and if she didn't let her kids eat it when the rest of you let your kids eat it, then I certainly wouldn't be leaving any at all behind for her.

I usually agree with 'my house my rules' but when something is as petty as this and to the detriment of my children (ie them eating cheap biscuits instead of much healthier homemade cake) then I would want to do something to be as petty back rectify the situation!

nightingale452 · 22/08/2014 16:41

I think it would have been more to do with mess than the cake as such - if the children had been relegated to a separate playroom I'm presuming you couldn't see them from where the adults were and homemade cake is likely to make more mess than plain biscuits. Not something I'd be bothered about but I believe some people are houseproud, even with children in the family Grin

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 22/08/2014 18:12

I'm v house proud but it's crumbs ffs, they clean up and let's face it most kids can muster up a mess with virtually nothing to hand, she's a mean toad and I would have given cake to my child regardless of her rules

LapsedTwentysomething · 22/08/2014 18:27

I love how this thread momentarily descended into 'but my child likes chilli jam you know?' But yes this woman is a weirdo. I wouldn't worry. She'll be excluded in a couple of rounds time.

MrsKoala · 22/08/2014 18:29

This is probably why i have no few friends. I think this is most definitely a reason to lose a friendship over. I would be furious and most probably would have flounced out telling her something choice. I hate the 'children eat shit food/know their place' style of parenting. DS has what we have (actually better usually) and if we are out we order from the adult menu for all of us and share.

Why IS 'childrens food' so shit btw?

Really Angry for some reason

MrsWinnibago · 22/08/2014 19:21

MrsKoala my SIL was like that...now she's had her own baby and I BET she suddenly changes!

MrsWinnibago · 22/08/2014 19:21

As in SIL thought kids should get shit food.

thegreylady · 22/08/2014 19:26

I bake cakes for the children and with the children . It would be miserable if we couldn't share. I can't imagine saying cake isn't for kids!