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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cake - am I wrong?

150 replies

WildFlowersAttractBees · 21/08/2014 14:43

Just home from a mini get together at a friends. There were four women and nine dc's under 5 between us. We have all taken a turn to host and this was the first afternoon at this woman's house.

I took along a home baked cake, another lady took a fruit loaf and third lady brought strawberries and blueberries.

When it came time for tea and cake I asked DD what she would like a piece of and the host piped up 'children don't eat cake in our house, there are biscuits in the playroom'. I politely pointed out that DD had helped make the cake and she is allowed small treats and she replied 'homemade cake is for adults here'. The hosts children ate cake on the previous play dates.
Luckily DD went and got a biscuit happily but it left me feeling uneasy. Am I wrong?

OP posts:
diddl · 21/08/2014 15:36

Please let us know what the other mums said!

It's odd that her kids can eat cake at the other houses.

She was obviously trying to keep as much back for herself for some reason.
(I'm assuming that hosts keep the cakes if any left.)

SaucyJack · 21/08/2014 15:36

Pick one random aspect of her clothing/appearance (that none of the other mums have) and next time she's at yours introduce the "People who wear green jumpers/bracelets on their right wrist/yadda don't have cake in our house" then give her some Tesco Value bourbons. I double dare you.

Davsmum · 21/08/2014 15:38

Seeing as her children ate cakes on previous play dates... I can only guess...She didn't like the look of your DDs homemade cake and thought it would poison all the children!

Seriously,.. the woman sounds weird. Life is too short to mix with people like that ;)

greeneggsandjam · 21/08/2014 15:41

What did the other people do when she announced 'no cake for children'? Noone could have thought that was normal surely.

I do remember many times being taken on long car journeys so my dad could visit his friends. We would often be told to then sit and wait in the car, but not always. Sometimes the mans wife would come out and tell us to come in and sometimes we would be taken in from the beginning. However, we were always told not to accept a drink/biscuit/any food offering as it would be seen as greedy and so on. So after driving for an hour or so we would sit and say 'no thank you' even though we may well have really wanted some juice or whatever. My dad would sit and enjoy a cup of tea of course. It was all quite embarrassing when the wives would keep offering and we would keep saying no and my dad would of course say he didn't know what was wrong with us and stop being silly and have a drink. By then we didn't know what to do and I would just sit and try not to cry.

I wouldn't be going to any more events with that strange woman. I think I would also have to ask why the children can eat cake in other people's houses but not in their own.

OnlyLovers · 21/08/2014 15:42

She's a freak and a weirdo.

WitchWay · 21/08/2014 15:43

When I used to meet up with other mums in a similar way, the person hosting would provide the goodies which meant any remaining cake etc would be left with the person who made/bought it.

Children were allowed cake but not meringues - too messy

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/08/2014 15:45

Given she ate it and kept the rest I doubt poisoning was the reason.

She clearly views children as second rate citizens not worthy of proper food and only allowed to eat cheap biscuits.

It's actually very sad that she doesn't provide her own children in their house to sit down and enjoy a drink and cake together and signifies a divide in what they get in relation to adults.

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/08/2014 15:46

Provide the opportunity

ShadowStar · 21/08/2014 15:48

That sounds like a very rude thing to do.

And why is it okay for her kids to eat cake in other people's homes?

Surely if you don't like your kids eating cake at home you wouldn't like them eating it anywhere?

Davsmum · 21/08/2014 15:48

The 'poisoning' was a joke...

Castlemilk · 21/08/2014 15:51

Wow. I would probably have done the same as you 'in the moment', but by the time it came to leave I would probably have mulled long enough to get angry enough to simply wrap up the rest of the cake I brought and take it home. If questioned, a breezy 'Oh well you see I made enough for the children too, and of course for everyone here to have a decent sized slice - so the rest will now come back with me so that DD can have HER slice of the cake SHE HELPED TO MAKE at home. Why, did you particularly want it for something?'

DemelzaandRoss · 21/08/2014 15:51

Very strange behaviour. Wouldn't get involved with this person. Ever.

Karenthetoadslayer · 21/08/2014 15:52

I have always wondered about the distinction between "adult food" children's food" over here, as I was not familiar with this concept.

I have noticed that quite a few people seem to cook separate meals for children and adults and the children get quite simple food.

My approach is it is fine to have beans on toast and things like that every now and then, but everybody will have it and not just the children.

HaroldLloyd · 21/08/2014 15:58

Wow that's pretty out there totally weird.

Children don't eat cake in this house???

I think I might have laughed.

BrieAndChilli · 21/08/2014 15:59

I get really angry with kids menus, you have a lovely adults menu full I lovely stuff then kids menu is nuggets, fish fingers or sausages with chips! I remember goin to an Italian when ds1 was about 12 months and we ordered him a small bolagnaise, the waiter was astounded that he ate it all and said most kids wanted chips!

Karenthetoadslayer · 21/08/2014 16:06

I know Brie. When DD was small I often ended up ordering an adult starter for her as a main course, such as Caprese or a soup. That worked best for her. She does like chips, but not lots of them and she has never liked fish fingers, nuggets and things like that.

Flappingandflying · 21/08/2014 16:18

It is so nice when you can move away from kid's menus. They are still quite limited. I used to dream of running a child friendly restaurant where there was proper food for the kids. It did improve a bit when my youngest was at that age through the mid to late noughties and places would offer lovely sausages (ie, the same ones on the adult menu) and nice macaroni cheese .

The non cake woman is a loon.

MrsHathaway · 21/08/2014 16:19

That's odd.

In a similar situation I'd have tried to steer guest children towards the least crumby/smeary option, and I get in child-friendly things eg things that don't need a fork, so that if the children do eat, the mess potential is reduced.

So I get that there can be anxiety around other Ppeople's children and cake. But her given reason was vVU.

diddl · 21/08/2014 16:21

"children don't eat cake in our house,"

Shame that someone didn't say, "oh, just other peoples"??!!

MrsHathaway · 21/08/2014 16:28

Oh and Yy to children's menus. We went to a gastropub for FIL's birthday the other day. Even though the adult menu was all pulled pork this and wilted spinach that, the children's menu (on fancy paper with a clothes peg) was all breaded protein with chips and beans, followed by ice cream. Sad that adults who eat whitebait with chilli jam aren't accompanied by children with tastebuds.

The baby shared pork belly, red cabbage and sweet potato fries with me and the toddler stole half his uncle's whitebait (see above). But proper establishments just put a "half portion" price against scaleable dishes such as risotto, pie, mussels, etc.

kentishgirl · 21/08/2014 16:40

'in this house' makes me think of this.

Curlyweasel · 21/08/2014 17:00

Little curlyweasel always has the same meal as us grown ups - the only time I ever cook something different for her is if her friends come round for tea and that's only because they don't like anything HOME MADE (apparently).

Actually - that reminds me of the time she went to friend's house for tea, was presented with sandwiches and asked her mum indignantly "Is this PROCESSED ham?" Blush

divingoffthebalcony · 21/08/2014 17:07

Weird and rude. What a bad host.

Obviously wanted to maximise the leftovers so she could eat them all herself. Or she was expecting guests later and was too tight/lazy to buy or make another cake.

extraneous · 21/08/2014 17:43

It's weird but her house, her rules. Not worth losing a friendship over as some have suggested.

florascotia · 21/08/2014 18:01

Even if she had health/ ishoos, biscuits are just as 'unhealthy' as cakes.
How bizarre