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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel annoyed about having to keep tabs on friends children in the playground?

54 replies

lill72 · 21/08/2014 08:19

Just wondered how you all feel about this...

I often go to the playground with the same group of friends and our almost 4 year olds. I have a DD almost 4 and am 7 months pregnant. Some of the mums also have a second child between, so they have to keep an eye on two. Tricky I know.

Problem is, I seem to find myself keeping an eye on one of theirs as well as mine, as every couple of minutes I am being asked where one or the other is. I don't mind going on a hunt every now and then if they can't see them, as they would if I couldn't see my DD, but this is constant.

I feel like I then have to divert attention from my DD and where she may be. I guess I just don't feel like this would be reciprocated with one mum in particular, as she is very panicy about her kids, but wouldn't do the same for others.

I'm happy to help, but not take on a responsiblity if you know what I mean. Thoughts?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 21/08/2014 08:22

Yanbu at all, they are not your responsibility. Same here, I am too busy keeping tabs on my two, to know what other peoples chikdren are doing. I will see them but I am not going to keep tabs on them.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/08/2014 08:23

If I spot them on the swing or near a bush I will say, but you have to watch your children and what they are doing.

deepbluetr · 21/08/2014 08:30

RElax. They are not your responsibility.

BlinkingHeck · 21/08/2014 08:31

I thought that was what friends do.

Providing they aren't stood gossiping and you're left looking after all the kids, I can't see the issue myself.

If it's too much lending a hand then just go on your own.

FamiliesShareGerms · 21/08/2014 08:34

It takes a village to raise a child and all that... Unless they are all sat on the bench with a coffee and you're scrambling around after all the other kids, I think YABU

Ladyofthehouse · 21/08/2014 08:34

Nope yanbu! I have 2 aged 3 and 4. One friend has a toddler and baby and I get invited to do stuff as she can't do things with the toddler while she has the baby. So she sits with a coffee with baby and I run round after 3. She then moans we didn't have time for a proper catch up!?

Don't mind helping out but I have my own children!

hollie84 · 21/08/2014 08:35

"Do you know where Jake is?"
"I saw him a few minutes ago on the side but can't see him now"

Isn't that the end of the conversation, or is the other mum then instructing you to go and find her child?

Aeroflotgirl · 21/08/2014 08:37

I am too busy with my bolter 2 year old and dd7 who has ASD, I am aware of tge kids around, but I cannot keep tabs on them. I will look after kids if parents have to go somewhere, but what are the parents doing that they loose their child.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/08/2014 08:39

I have gone looking for children when my friends ds5 bolted off and she was 8 months of and couldent run very fast. But when I am out my mind us solely on my kids, it has to be. By keeping tabs in friends kids, mine could do a runner.

DizzyKipper · 21/08/2014 08:40

When they ask tell them you don't know. If you go looking for their DC for them it reinforces to them that this is your role. Tis nothing wrong with them asking you if you know but it shouldn't be down to you to run around looking for them, they're presumably just as capable of that themselves.

Original poster
lill72 · 21/08/2014 08:44

Hollie - no it is more like 'where is Jake' every two minutes, with the inference that I should know where he is and if not I should go looking, no matter what my child is doing.

As said, we all look out for each others kids and I would act if I saw them running out a gate etc, just feel like as I only have one, I have to take on the responsbility of other with 2. I am 7 months pregnant and can;t move very fast!

OP posts:
hollie84 · 21/08/2014 08:48

Do you jump up and go looking, or do you just say "I don't know"?

DizzyKipper · 21/08/2014 08:48

I'm surprised these friends expect some one who's 7 months pregnant to go running round after their children, it doesn't sound like a very equal friendship to me.

Original poster
lill72 · 21/08/2014 09:00

Hollie - I say I don't know and then frantically go looking whilst feeling annoyed.

Dizzy - I know!
I wouldn't an unequal friendship - it's more just the personality of the mums coming through. One is very panicy and slightly self obsessed, so it is all about her and her kids. The other is a bit sort of hippy, free-range baby style, not watching her kids maybe as much as I would.

OP posts:
hollie84 · 21/08/2014 09:05

I don't understand why you keep going looking for them if you don't want to? They haven't asked you to run around after their children, so why do it and then get annoyed?

Coughle · 21/08/2014 09:08

I don't understand either. Are you a bit of a people pleaser normally? Just shrug and say you don't know, no reason to get all frantic!

Original poster
lill72 · 21/08/2014 09:09

Hollie - they are asking me to to look by asking where is little Jake? It is not a casual ask, but a slightly panicky ask. Would look like I didn't care at all if I didn't do a thing. Not sure if this makes sense? They are most def asking me in an indirect way to look for their child!

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 21/08/2014 09:10

Lil that would really irk me, keep saying I don't know, don't look for them, your 7 months pg for goodness sake his selfish of them. I would say I don't know, I'm keeping an eye on Mia (fictitional dd name). What are tgey doing that tgey can't see their dc, on their phone I bet.

MrsWinnibago · 21/08/2014 09:12

Why are they losing sight of such small children? Confused Is the park full of trees or something?

hollie84 · 21/08/2014 09:12

No one is making you look for the child though! If you haven't seen him, just say so.

It seems passive aggressive to go looking and then bitch about it later.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/08/2014 09:14

Just say no if you haven't, or yes if you seen them, don't go looking. If tgey can't see them tell them to call the police.

Notso · 21/08/2014 09:17

One of the Mums I meet with is like this, she won't move but constantly need to see her DC and tell them what to do.

Conversations are ridiculous, "so did you...wheres Joe...JOE...oh he's there, Joe stay where I can...JIM, wheres Jim JIIIIM oh he's on the roundabout...slow down Jim...did you go away at the...JACK, JACK don't run honey...weekend? JIM, wheres Joe gone? JACK run and grab JOE, J.O.E there near the gate RUN Jack, JACK not so fast you'll fall...now wheres Jim gone again?...what was I saying? Oh yes did you go away?...sorry WHERES JOE?"

I get a nervous twitch after half an hour, it is exhausting, I am constantly saying he's there.

OcadoSubstitutedMyHummus · 21/08/2014 09:18

I don't understand why you think this means they are asking you to look for their child. Why do you go frantically looking, are you the paid nanny? If not, concentrate on your child and if they ask where their child is and you don't know say so and don't do anything. if they are concerned they can go look. YOu're being a doormat here.

HighwayDragon · 21/08/2014 09:21

It seems that I'm the only one on here who leaves their 4yo to their own devices in the park checking every 5 minutes or so roughly where she is.

DuckandCat · 21/08/2014 09:22

I'm confused too. What do the parents do while you are looking for their child? Just sitting there?Confused

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