to feel annoyed about having to keep tabs on friends children in the playground?

[lill72]

Just wondered how you all feel about this...

I often go to the playground with the same group of friends and our almost 4 year olds. I have a DD almost 4 and am 7 months pregnant. Some of the mums also have a second child between, so they have to keep an eye on two. Tricky I know.

Problem is, I seem to find myself keeping an eye on one of theirs as well as mine, as every couple of minutes I am being asked where one or the other is. I don't mind going on a hunt every now and then if they can't see them, as they would if I couldn't see my DD, but this is constant.

I feel like I then have to divert attention from my DD and where she may be. I guess I just don't feel like this would be reciprocated with one mum in particular, as she is very panicy about her kids, but wouldn't do the same for others.

I'm happy to help, but not take on a responsiblity if you know what I mean. Thoughts?

[Tikimon]

Just tell her it's an enclosed park, he couldn't have gotten very far. Logically he has to be on the playground still. The point of the playground is to go play without your parents helicoptering over you.

[arethereanyleftatall]

I went to the park once with a friend who was constantly helping my dc. She could be one of the posters on here saying they always end up helping others kids.
Here's the thing - it drove me bonkers, and I've never been back to the park with her again.
If a child can't negotiate a climbing frame on his/ her own, he shouldn't be on said climbing frame.
No one over the age of 2/3 should be helped IMO , apart from being pushed in swings.
When I take my girls to the park, I find a bench and get my book out. Better for them, and better for me.

[hollie84]

Must admit I don't really keep that close an eye on my 3/4 year old in a big enclosed play park. I tend to sit on a blanket with other mums/babies and chat, and just check I've seen him every 5 minutes of so.

[Nomama]

You are definitely hearing things in panicky mum's tone of voice.

No, don't argue with me, you are hearing things. No... shut up and listen she is NOT asking you to go and look she is just throwing the question out there

Now, put your 7 months pregnant brain and body into 'my child' gear and keep them there.

You have a built in excuse to stop dashing round after all and sundry. Use it, break the 'responsible habit' and let them parent their own kids. A quick grimace and an 'ooh' [grasp tummy and look as though you would like to accommodate them] should do the trick in no time.

Start practising NOW

[m0therofdragons]

Well my two 2yos are able to follow instructions such as "stay in this area and don't go beyond the tree. If you can't see me then I can't see you so you've gone too far and must come back." I find with twins and an older dd that strict guidelines are essential or going to the park is terrifying for me. Why are these almost 4yos disappearing so much?
Having said that, when we go to the park with friends we certainly help each other so if one went missing or needed a wee one would go and the other would look after the others.

[sillystring]

Just shrug and say "dunno" and leave it at that. You're making the problem yourself.

[MrTumblesBavarianFanbase]

Are the 4 year olds the eldest child for everyone? (NCT friends from first pregnancy?)

Thinking about it, I don't watch my 6 year old at all - I listen in case of howling, and I don't "help" my 3 year old, though I do keep him in my periphery vision as, as well as being a very able climber he has very little sense of fear, and likes leaping off stuff...

My point being maybe the 4 year olds don't need nearly so much watching, as other recent posters have hinted. Perhaps a little bit of a sense of proportion is needed, esp from the anxious friend.

Our playground is small though, as are all the local ones we go to regularly, agree large, crowded ones that I don't know well are stressful, and not a place to go to chat as grown up friends if the kids are still young enough to bolt/ get stuck/ fall off stuff...

[lill72]

None of us usually sit - we all usually are standing in the playground nearby where our children are playing and leave them to it, although knowing where they are at all times.

This is a big, busy playground - enclosed, though it is still easy to lose sight of a child if they move from swing to slide.

When this panicy mum asks where Jake is, she starts looking for him too, but the way the question is asked, means I should start looking to. I know she finds it stressful bringing both to the playground, but not sure why we have to then help out to this extent. She actually left her older one with another one of the mums for ages yesterday - the other mum has a 4 year old and a pram with baby!! Then she has me looking for her other one the second she loses sight of him!! She has this lack with lots of things of getting everyone around her to be put to work for her in some way.

I will take onboard some of your suggested answers and actions, in order to indirectly say that I will not go looking for your child all the time. I do not expect this of her with my DD. My DD is my responsibility, which is why I like never to lose sight of her.

[paddleduck]

Hmm. It's tricky. I always end up automatically assuming joint responsibility for all children. . Not even just our friends, to some extent. I always keep an eye out in general. Lost and hurt children would happen a lot less if everyone pitched in - it takes a village etc.


That said no one seems to do the same for me.

[mommy2ash]

I don't see the problem. just say you don't know you are keeping an eye on your child

[MrsWinnibago]

Timeto that's what I thought! Where are they hiding that the Mums can't see them!?

Ikea me too! My DD is also very physically able and I found when she was 5 last year that her friend's parents were shocked at the lack of "help" I offer.

I basically leave her to it and have done since she was 3 or 4...she can climb anything and is strong enough to "monkey" across those ladder things by her hands...people sometimes look at her and at me as she climbs a tree or something and I find myself feeling guilty!

[BeCool]

I automatically include friends DC in my head counts in playgrounds - so I will look for mine, look for theirs, go back to chatting .

If I do a scan and I can't see one of my friends children I say "where's X" and they will then say "over there" or have a better look for them.

I don't understand - do you run around looking for their DC while they sit there? Why do that? I'd say "can't see Johnny" and leave it with them, unless they can't find Johnny and then of course it is all hands on deck.

[TimetohittheroadJack]

If they are 4 and in an enclosed park why do you need to be watching them at all times? Surely all the mums sit on a bench ignoring them chatting ?

[rollonthesummer]

Absolutely. Be 'heavily pregnant' for two months, then you'll have your own baby to watch. They'll have to start getting off their backsides then!

[Annarose2014]

I'm 7 months pregnant and NO WAY would I be getting my arse off that bench.

If you truly find it difficult to stay sitting each time, then exaggerate your pelvic/back problems next time prior to arriving at the park. Hint at suspected sciatica: "Oooooh, once I get there I need to sit down and stay down!"

Cos the only way you're getting out of this one is to play the pregnancy card, I'm afraid. But play it HARD and OFTEN.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Where are they and just how big is this park?

If their children are unstable or not strong enough to be able to play in the park without needing to be seen every second then either they need to stand by their child or go to on their child can use rather than ask other people constantly.

[FunkyBoldRibena]

'Where is Jake?'
'I don't know, I am watching Jemima [your own kid], where did you last see him?' >turn back and continue watching Jemima
'Where is Jake?'
'I don't know, I am still watching Jemima.'
'Where is Jake'
'I'm still just watching Jemima!'

If taking your eye off your child is the issue, then don't take your eye off your child.

[scarletforya]

Oh really Op.

You're being your own worst enemy here. Park your arse the bench! As someone above said woman up

[ikeaismylocal]

I have the opposite problem, I guess I am what you would call a hippy, free range baby type mum. My ds is very physically able so I just let him get on with playing and I'm happy to sit/stand at the edge watching him.

Other parents, especially dads often dash over in a panic to help ds down the slide or prevent him from climbing too high and say to me "miniIkea is trying to go down the slide by himself!!" I don't quite know what to do, I tend to just say oh yes, he can do that by himself.

I would have thought that nearly 4 was by far old enough to say to the children please just play on the climbing frame and swings to start with so we can see you, then we will go and play in the sandpit and roundabout after.

[Dubjackeen]

I'd have a sudden stomach twinge and need to stay still I'm afraid.
You don't have to race around after their kids-just stop doing it.

Same here. I know what you mean though, some people have the knack of somehow making you momentarily think their problem is yours. Stay put, keep an eye on your own child, and say you can't see little Jake, and see what happens.

[rollonthesummer]

I'd have a sudden stomach twinge and need to stay still I'm afraid.

You don't have to race around after their kids-just stop doing it.

[Minisoksmakehardwork]

Just tell her where he was last time you saw him and remain seated/watching your own dd.

It can be hard taking more than one child to the park - I assume your friend has more than one hence losing track of one of them. But as long as you are in an enclosed space, and the children are taught stay in/keep gates closed, a quick glance around should be sufficient to locate the 'missing' child. Otherwise I'd suggest if she finds the park too stressful, perhaps she shouldn't take her ds.

[DizzyKipper]

Seems I can win on here

Welcome to AIBU . fwiw I get what you mean, people do have a knack for being able to ask without asking and it sounds like this is exactly what they're doing. Now you have to learn the skill of being oblivious to their hints - which is the benefit of some one avoiding directly asking you to do something, can't be helped if you didn't understand...
Try not to worry so much about what they think, and as hard as you might try to find it, really try to stop worrying about where their kids are.

[Bouttimeforwine]

Just say not sure and rotate your head a few times. She'll get her own arse up then.

[lill72]

Duckandcat - they are looking after their other child usually. But then I feel like I have to take an eye off mine to look for theirs.

Seems I can win on here - If I don't help, I'm harsh, if I do help, I'm weak. Hmmmm.

These are mums who are friends. I love them and their kids. I just find taking my child to the playground etc and coping with all that comes with that exhausting enough, so just don't want to feel like I have to worry where others are, all the time.

Funnily enough, we were at my place yesterday and I have a decent garden so sounds great, but it was all getting a bit crazy so we decided to head to a bigger space at the playground. It is quite a big playground - hard to find ones that are just the right size.