To think that some people genuinely do live a charmed life?

[lallywag]

I know a couple of women that do genuinely seem to lead a charmed life. I know everyone has their own issues and problems, but they don't seem to have the obstacles that many others have, and do just seem to sail through life with constant good fortune.

I know that some people say that there is no such thing as a charmed life but I do think that some people have it easier than others.

I think a lot of the time people who appear to have "charmed lives" just hide any shit they're going through. I think overshare type people tend to be more negative sometimes like woe is me but tbh I think the opposite and everyone in general has a cross to bear some just might not tell everyone!

So sorry SeaMeadows

Are you okay?

I think you can manage your life to make it more charmed. Ie. eat healthily, exercise, and live within your means.

Someone I know deliberately didn't buy a larger house, which they could have afforded, because by keeping a smaller mortgage, they were actually wealthier, and could afford to do more things. I guess they would look they would have a charmed life.

I bet my family looks like this from the outside. I came from nothing, definitely wasn't born into it, and know I/we can survive on much less if our luck changes.

The reality is that we hide our struggles (conceiving our DCs took years of heartbreak, but we kept it private; DH was out of work for months but has since been on a lucky streak; I've had a lot of poor health; we barely see DH due to work) and don't put the shitty bits on Facebook.

I also think it's about attitude - focusing on the positive - and that you make your own luck. DH has grafted long hours and networked and built a reputation in his industry that people are now willing to pay good money to hire.

Also, we have used Christmas and birthday money to give our DCs lots of fun days out this year....but has anyone noticed that we haven't had a holiday? Probably not! They probably assume we've had a long sun-drenched holiday, but we haven't - we've snatched a couple of cheap mini-breaks and I didn't put the rainy-day photos on Facebook.

Oh, and we also moved house at a good time into a lovely area with fantastic state schools. Friends who tried to make the break from London later have not found it so easy.

I think what to the outside might seem like a 'charmed life' can often be explained by some people just making better /different choices, even if those choices wheren't so obvious at the time.

The PP who talked about her friend who'd married an older, richer man, would she have dated him? Did she look for a less physically attractive, but sucessful man when she was young, or did she look for men who were a similar age and good looking? (I know I've chosen a good looking charming man who does 'alright' when friends have married men 20 years older and have much more money)

The PP who's DB didn't work very hard but chose a well paid career that he enjoys, could it be that what looks like stumbling into a well paid job was actually picking it? Even if he picked it because it was something that interested him, is it just making better life choices by being interested in things that are well paid rather than interested in things that are not?

I know I haven't always made the best choices, I think it's helpful to be honest with yourself when you've faced choices and haven't made the best for your long term future.

You 'perceive' that they have a charmed life. That may not actually be true in reality.

Someone I used to work with was describing someone else and called her a spoilt Daddy's girl. (She'd done various jobs and no money worries.) He then said she was a bit like me. Well yes, I have had various jobs and I speak with a naice accent but my John Lewis taste has been aided by charity shops and eBay not a rich Daddy. Talk about couldn't be more wrong if you tried...

I think you raise a very interesting point OP.

The thing is, my definition of a charmed life might be very different from yours or someone elses.

I was popular and did very well at school and went to Uni. I then spent my 20s working as an actress and singer and was a minor Z list celeb.

In my thirties I got married and had two children effortlessly. My DC were lovely babies, I had no issues with them as toddlers, no health scares, no bullying. They are now fabulous teens and set to make their own mark.

I am now divorced but remain amicable with XH who will do anything for us if asked nicely. I live in the big house and drive the convertible car. I have my absolute dream job that I have to pinch myself about because I cannot believe it is mine.

I have travelled the world and had a full and happy life.

On the flip side, my DM was/is a horrible abuser. I am one of 5 children and only one remains in any contact with her. I have lived my whole life knowing that my mother hated me and only wished to harm me. She has never once said that she loved me. Obviously this has left a big emotional scar.

I still think I have led a charmed life because although I wouldn't wish my mother on my worst enemy, I have risen above it and made the best of all the opportunities that have come my way. Maybe I am deluded but as PP have said, a lot of it is perception and if I feel I have been lucky then that is what counts?

I have really enjoyed reading all the posts on this thread, really interesting to see peoples views on it.

I think it's not so much about attitude, rather about resilience in that some people have better resilience to deal with curve-balls that life throws them than others. And that resilience is probably either something that's innate or learned in your early years due to your primary connections and bonds, so for people who don't have it, it's by no fault of their own.

To me that explains, at least, why my friend with cancer and fertility issues stays positive, whereas another friend of mine complains all of the time about their allergies. Not saying allergies are a nice thing to have, but the way they both talk you'd think it was the second friend that had cancer, not the first one.

It also explains why when you get people in the same situation, some people take it much worse than others and why only a certain % of people who experience the same event get PTSD.

Having said that, though, life does send different people curve balls, and that's not down to anything except luck sometimes.

I have a charmed life - I had a great upbringing with loving parents, got a good education and had a great time at uni before getting a pretty good job, met my DH in my early 20s and now we are happily married with 2 (easily conceived) gorgeous, healthy and happy children. We also are pretty well off.

Aside from grandparents dying, nothing really bad has ever happened to me and it makes me really anxious - I am convinced every day that something horrendous is round the corner that is going to shatter everything. And the longer things go on, the worse that thing is going to be. I also know that I am not a strong person (I have never had to be) so I'm not going to handle it well when the bad stuff does come.

However, I just keep getting hold of myself and giving me a good shake and appreciating what I have got now. Some people I know (children and adults) have been dealt the absolute shittiest hands in life, and it just makes me realise that I am so lucky and have just got to enjoying my life and not worry about what is coming up.

I do agree that while some appear to have a much easier time in life, especially financially, I definitely agree with other posters that it is much more about perception of your own circumstances than other people's. Always look on the bright side is a terribly cheesy cliche, but ultimately a good attitude to have. I look at my sister and other friends, single and childless in their early 30's, good jobs and career prospects and financially able to achieve whatever they want, within reason, several holidays a year, expensive clothes and cars etc. I've spent my 20's raising my 3 gorgeous dds alone, struggling to manage work and pay the mortgage and bills, never had a holiday or a car that wasn't decrepit. But I'm really HAPPY. I have my own home, a p/t job, a (slightly crappy) car, enough money to eat and clothe kids and myself and save up for the odd day out. Most importantly my daughters appreciate what they have and the value of money, but they too are happy with our life and don't ask for more than is reasonable/affordable for us. I just feel I have so much more to be grateful for than complain about. I also know some of the people who "have it all" are deeply unsatisfied with their lot in life because they focus on that one imperfection they perceive, rather than all the good things and people around them.

Agree but if I had lived a charmed life my life would have been boring. I do see patients who lived a charmed life and are smug but they are lacking something. Hope you ok op. X

I agree op.

Some people do get it easy compared to others. It's not about money or stuff. If you are loved well and supported you have what you need to be happy and cope with the inevitable ups and downs. That for me is a charmed life.

Some people sadly don't stand a chance in this life because through no fault of their own they do not get what they need to be able to enjoy life. They have issues and traumas to carry and not always the strength and support to deal with them.

Life is unfair.

Yes, I do. It's not money - for me it's absolutely knowing that when it comes to it my parents are there for me. They will always help me. That gives you a tremendous amount of confidence in life.

Plus I am middle class and we'll spoken. Got into university, did well partly because my parents helped me so I didn't need to work. Have done well since in a career I love. Conceived twice extremely easily, easy pregnancies and births, lovely flat.

I count my blessings every day and am so grateful. I am also extremely aware that it could all change tomorrow. But I would be disingenuous to pretend that I don't have it easier than a lot of others.

My life now is wonderful, I wouldn't change it, and I wouldn't whine on Facebook about setbacks.

I have a friend who has spent the last half-dozen years posting on Facebook about how amazing her life is, and I think she has been genuinely happy with her lot. Apparently, her good fortune is all because she makes the right decisions in life so God blesses her and her family with happiness. She would have agreed that her life may have appeared 'charmed' but would claim it was as a result of her own choices and specifically rejects the notion of random good or bad fortune, or societal privilege. She talked about a time when as a young, single-parent she had real difficulties and was very unhappy because she was making the wrong choices.

Roll on the beginning of this year and her teenage daughter had some bad experiences, followed by her making the decision that actually the (very strict) choices being made by her mum were making her very unhappy and that she was going to move out.

This has understandably made my friend very unhappy, and she feels that this year has been the worst of her life. She still posts about how happiness is a choice, but I'm not sure how convinced she is by this now. She also seems to have dropped the line about your situation being solely a result of your choices or given by God.

I do worry for her at the moment. She seems so set on the idea that she has made all the right choices (as they previously made her happy) that she can't really examine how those choices may have caused or contributed to her conflict with her daughter. Yet at the same time she rejects the idea that bad things can happen at random, and feels very much in conflict with society as a result (if those bad things are not as a result of her own choices, they must be as a result of someone deliberately targeting her).

I think we all have to find a balance between taking responsibility for the direction of our own lives and for our happiness, and acknowledging that sometimes shit happens and best laid plans can go to waste. Having good things in our lives that makes us happy, and which will endure despite the hard times and keep us going during those times is the thing we need to strive for.

Lots of people would think my life is charmed, 4 bed detatched house, nice area, great schools, 4 great dcs, high earing partner, sahm etc. people do not know what goes on behind closed doors.

I an very blessed though.

Having things and money does not guarantee a perceived charmed life.
They are your friends , would you rather they were miserable

Eauneau I could have written your post 25 years ago - I was very fortunate and had a happy childhood, a good marriage and lovely children.

It all fell apart in my 40s - BUT, I'm still here - and still feel that I've been very lucky compared to some of my friends. It's very frightening to try to imagine how you'd cope when you haven't had to face anything really life-changing, but, somehow, you do cope - and every bad thing that you overcome helps you to realise that you are able to face whatever else life throws at you...

I still think that - so far - I've been lucky not to have had any (major) health problems - but it has been tough at times, and I've had my moments of feeling that I couldn't go on... I just wanted to tell you that you have exactly the right attitude to things, and that you will be fine - from one who's been there...

It's all a question of perception though isn't it?

To a Palestinian in Gaza, anyone in Britain (or anywhere else where there is peace) is living a charmed life.

Ah thank you Sue Hope you are ok right now.

No such thing as a truly charmed life IMO. Okay so some people have it much easier than others but everyone has trials and tribulations, it's just all relative.
Sometimes people say to me 'ooohh you're so lucky to live here' or 'gosh you have it good' and I get really peed off and respond something along the lines of 'well I usually work 12-14 hour days, 6 (or sometimes even 7) days a week to maintain it so no it's not charmed or lucky, it's through hard work! A concept that seems lost on many.

At this moment in time someone could describe my life as 'charmed'. Great home life/part time work balance, 5 healthy dc, a dh who is my rock, big house. But I don't take any of it for granted for a second, dh & I continually say how lucky we are. I've seen enough of life, illness, losing loved ones to know this is a good period in our lives, but only that. I'd give up the fancy house in a heartbeat to have loved ones back tbh. Dh parents are both 80, so losing them is ahead of us and who knows what is ahead for us as parents as our dc approach the teenage years. In fact I don't know anyone who gets away scot free without some sort of troubles, whether they happen sooner or later.

Whilst some people do indeed seem to have more than their fair share of hardships, generally the harder people work, the more charmed their lives. We all need a bit of luck now and again, but generally life is what you make of it.

PS we in the UK have all lucked out to be born here, with sanitation, education and health care all pretty much a given. Most of the rest of the world's population would call all of our lives charmed.