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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to add my partner to my deeds?

102 replies

blueone19 · 17/08/2014 21:53

First time poster, basically i bought a house before this relationship but not DP has asked to be added on to the deeds of the home. DP does pay half of the bills as they are now but there is no mortgage as i paid house in full.

Am i being unreasonable in believing deeds should remain in my name alone for this reason?

OP posts:

pontefractals · 17/08/2014 22:01

Speaking as someone on the verge of moving into her partner's house and paying half the bills but none of the mortgage, no, yanbu. I'll be saving what I would be spending on rent and that'll be my security in case of a split. DP is sorting out a will in my favour so I'm not buggered if he goes first. Why does your DP think he should be on the deeds?

FryOneFatManic · 17/08/2014 22:02

I wouldn't do it. At least, not before you marry. And while your DP may be paying half the bills, they are simply running costs that he'd have to pay wherever he lived. He's not contributed towards the cost of the house, ie mortgage, deposit, whatever.

pontefractals · 17/08/2014 22:02

Er, should probably add that we have no children and similar earning power, in case those are considerations in your case.

Original poster

blueone19 · 17/08/2014 22:03

because DP thinks paying half the bills means they should have half the stake in the house.

When it comes to things like TV rights yes fine, but im uneasy over the deeds

OP posts:

RumNoRaisins · 17/08/2014 22:04

What is it with people wanting a share in property they haven't contributed to? No YANBU. He won't even be contributing to a mortgage so why should he be on the deeds? Don't do it. He is already gaining by living with you rent free. Bills need paying regardless of where he lives so his contribution is irrelevant to the ownership of the house.

SocksRock · 17/08/2014 22:06

Putting him on the deeds means you are effectively gifting him hundreds of thousands of pounds. He doesn't get that for paying bills every month that he would have to pay wherever he lives. If he wants to buy half of your house from you by getting a mortgage and giving you the money, that's slightly different. But he would have to pay the mortgage every month.

Mabelface · 17/08/2014 22:06

I'd say absolutely not.

AnotherStitchInTime · 17/08/2014 22:07

No, he would have to pay more if he rented. He is getting a good deal. Your money paid for that house not his.

antimatter · 17/08/2014 22:07

I think he mixes up running cost with the money which are tied in property.

Simplest is to think of him living rent free but paying only bills in someone's place. Would that person (friend, parent, stranger) sign off property to him?

If he has issues you should charge him rent and carry the burden of redecorating and all costs to do with the house yourself.

pontefractals · 17/08/2014 22:07

because DP thinks paying half the bills means they should have half the stake in the house

Um...no. Unless you're telling him he can't have a front-door key and has to ask your permission before he makes a brew, no. And if you were doing that, frankly he'd be better off moving out. Has he not rented/paid a mortgage on his own before? He doesn't get that that and ongoing bills are two different things?

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 17/08/2014 22:07

If he was paying you some kind of "rent" then maybe I could see his point but as he has contributed nothing to the purchase of the house then I don't think he should have a stake. He is already benefitting financially by not having any kind of rent or mortgage to pay do he could easily build up his own savings or invest in a property with a mortgage of his own.

Preciousbane · 17/08/2014 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Victoria2002 · 17/08/2014 22:08

What raisins said-he's living rent free ffs!

maninawomansworld · 17/08/2014 22:10

Hell no YANBU!
Not in a million years.

Bedsheets4knickers · 17/08/2014 22:11

No if he had any faith in relationship he wouldn't even ask. Don't do it x

FunkyBoldRibena · 17/08/2014 22:11

Why give away half the value of your house? He would surely have to buy into it to get a share of the deeds; and would be paying bills no matter where he lives.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 17/08/2014 22:11

No. He gets to save due to not paying rent or mortgage! How fortunate. I'd be over the moon to be in that position. He doesn't get your equity!

AdoraBell · 17/08/2014 22:13

I wouldn't do it.

Why is he moving in as opposed to you getting married? The answer to that is the reason, other than his non-contribution to purchasing the house, not to add him.

YANBU

Vitalstatistix · 17/08/2014 22:15

he isn't making sense.
He may be paying bills but he isn't paying half the mortgage because there isn't one.

What's the house got to do with paying half of the gas, electric, food, water, phone?

Is he suggesting that because he pays his way in terms of heat, light and food, that he should get half your house?

He is paying his way with the actual bills. Why on earth he thinks this entitles him to the home that you own and that he is not paying anything towards is baffling.

Marnierose · 17/08/2014 22:16

Er no!

Freebirdy · 17/08/2014 22:19

I'd say no. Then start charging him rent, I'd put it in a savings account and once I'd saved enough for him to own half the house I might think about letting him have a bit of the house. But not half. But I'm tight.

LineRunner · 17/08/2014 22:19

No, tell him or her that this is not equitable.

zipzap · 17/08/2014 22:19

I wouldn't. And I'd be asking for rent too...

If you got married then maybe you could look at doing something but even then I'd be doing it as tenants in common and that he would have a significantly smaller share than 50% - maybe just 10% or something of that ilk, plus I'd protect it with a pre-nup and a post-nup to ensure that I didn't lose out big time. Does he have anything to put into the house for his share - other than the bills which don't count (otherwise all those people that rented properties would be asking to go on the deeds of the properties they rented - bet he has rented previously and never asked to go on the deeds despite paying his share of the bills...).

If you are happy about him not paying rent and effectively subsidising him then why not suggest he uses his share of what would otherwise be rent to put into buying a buy to let property so that he doesn't lose out on the property market if that is what he is worried about. I don't know if you would want to go into it with him - and then on the offchance you split up, you would have your property and he would have his / or a joint one to split between you.

Just out of interest - how much of a share does he think he should have if he were to go on the deeds? And what does he think he should pay for his share, other than just paying his share of the bills? Have you asked him directly if he is expecting you just to gift him £xxx,000 just because you are in a relationship together?

I think you should listen to your inner voice that is wary of signing anything over and just laugh, as you keep telling him that you'll think about signing over half the house to him when he has enough money to buy half the house from you...

And if you do get married - I'd be getting very good advice on how to try to keep your house from going into the shared pot, because at the moment it sounds more like he is using you as a quick way to get half a house and stop having to pay any rent, rather than being in a relationship where he really loves you as if he did it wouldn't make any difference.

Sorry, I know that's extrapolating wildly from your two posts on the thread but that was my immediate reaction to what you'd written and it seems that you sort of see it that way too...

fluffyduffydoo · 17/08/2014 22:21

Do you have children together?

How long have you been a partnership?

SomethingAboutNothing · 17/08/2014 22:25

Tell him you would be happy to put his name on the deeds if he is willing to give you half the value of the house in cash. Why on earth should you basically give him half a house for nothing?

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