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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not want to add my partner to my deeds?

102 replies

blueone19 · 17/08/2014 21:53

First time poster, basically i bought a house before this relationship but not DP has asked to be added on to the deeds of the home. DP does pay half of the bills as they are now but there is no mortgage as i paid house in full.

Am i being unreasonable in believing deeds should remain in my name alone for this reason?

OP posts:
aturtlenamedmack · 17/08/2014 22:26

How on earth could he possibly think that?!?!
Paying for half the bills means that he's paying for half of the things that he is using while living in a house for FREE!!!!
As ponte says, he could save the money that he isn't paying in rent/mortgage and that would provide him with some security if you split.
It would be different if he was paying half the mortgage, but he isn't.
He's extremely lucky to be moving into a house that is rent/mortgage free.
Don't do it!!!

SpearmintLino · 17/08/2014 22:28

This has infuriated me on your behalf. NO WAY should you do this! Please protect yourself from such outrageous demands, OP.

Leeds2 · 17/08/2014 22:28

YANBU at all.

Think you should ask him for rent.

lavenderhoney · 17/08/2014 22:30

Christ, no! And get a little notebook from tesco or somewhere and write " rent book" on the front and get him to sign it.

Because if you don't and you split up, he could say he has been contributing to the mortgage and could have a claim. A friend of mine was in this situation, and luckily she made him sign the book every month. He still took her to court. And lost, but clearly this person is trying it on. Cost her a fortune anyway. And the stress!

Even when you get married I wouldn't. Do you have a child? Get a will done and leave everything to them. Marriage doesn't mean automatic " get everything"

He would be paying half bills or full bills wherever he lived. Don't be fooled.

daisychain01 · 17/08/2014 22:31

This could have been an ideal nomination for the "brass neck" thread.

Is your DP on a different ("entitled") planet?

TheoriginalMrsDarcy · 17/08/2014 22:32

Do not put his name on the deeds. What if you broke up? He'd be entitled to half your house.
If he wants his name on the deeds, he can pay you for half the property's current market value.
Do not let him emotionally blackmail you either. If he does, then he's not the man for you.

Original poster
blueone19 · 17/08/2014 22:33

partnership is 5 years, we have no children as she is infertile so it isnt an issue there

OP posts:
Molio · 17/08/2014 22:33

Don't add him, you'd be mad to do that.

minibmw2010 · 17/08/2014 22:36

Def dont add her unless she is willing to pay you half the price ... Ask her and see what reaction is .....

Vitalstatistix · 17/08/2014 22:38

Have you asked her (sorry for assuming genders btw) how she arrived at the belief that paying for the food she eats and the water she uses is relevant to the house you bought alone?
i am sorry but i truly think she is taking the piss.

RumNoRaisins · 17/08/2014 22:38

Sorry for assuming your partner was male. Don't do it.

Freebirdy · 17/08/2014 22:39

Defo defo say no. (sorry for assuming DP was male, got mixed up with the urge thread)

Does she not pay any rent at all? Could she save a load of cash and then maybe you club together to buy somewhere together (or she give you some cash to gain some equity?)

Molio · 17/08/2014 22:40

Sorry, don't add her.

If you get married and subsequently split up, the law might adjust the property value between you. If you don't get married it won't. Regardless of marital status if you put her name on the deeds as a joint tenant, she'll get half if you split.

Obviously these considerations shouldn't affect your decision to marry or not :)

skyeskyeskye · 17/08/2014 22:41

When XH initially moved in with me he paid half of all bills but nothing towards the mortgage. My choice as I wanted to protect myself.

When we married, I sold my house and we bought together. I put down a third of the house as deposit, but we put it in joint names. Big mistake when he walked out less than six years later as he was entitled to half the equity despite not having put any of it in.

If you put her on the deeds you are giving her a share of your house that she will be entitled to keep.

It's interesting to read the responses on here actually, as a recent thread about a gifted house to a son, not being put into the girlfriends name also, got a lot of responses that it should be in joint names!

I would say don't do it for your own protection. She is living rent free and can save that money towards buying her own house if she wants, that she could rent out.

Original poster
blueone19 · 17/08/2014 22:41

dont worry about what sex DP is, i dont see that as relevant, just wanting some advice.

DP is currently before moving in spending 650 a month on rent

OP posts:
MotherOfInsomniacToddlers · 17/08/2014 22:41

If he wants to get on the property ladder maybe he should get a buy to let with the money he is saving on rent/mortgage by living with you?

Castlemilk · 17/08/2014 22:42

No, don't do this.

Point out to your DP that they are living rent free - and what you would suggest is that they take advantage of that, save up a deposit, and purchase their own property in a few years which they can then rent out.

EarSlaps · 17/08/2014 22:43

If she is contributing to repairs, improvements or refurbishment it is only fair that she would benefit from the rise in value of the property due to those since she moved in but that would be hard to quantify.

I would suggest she only contributes to bills and put what she would have spent renting into a pot to maybe buy a buy to let.

Vitalstatistix · 17/08/2014 22:46

So she wants to save 650 a month and get half a house for free?
taking
the
piss

suggest she buys half from you if she wants to own half a house!

RainbowB7 · 17/08/2014 22:46

I would not even entertain this suggestion! She sounds a chancer and has no entitlement whatsoever to your house. Bold as brass to been suggest such a thing. It would make me doubt her motives.

rollonthesummer · 17/08/2014 22:49

No way would I want to share my home/life with someone like that. What a grasping, selfish attitude.

MysteriousCircusZebra · 17/08/2014 22:51

Of course you shouldn't sign half over. Sounds like she's getting a good deal anyway, and an opportunity to save up herself if she wants.

Purplepoodle · 17/08/2014 23:04

I would say no esp if the house is paid off. However I would suggest she invests in property and perhaps rents it out to give her some security.

lavenderhoney · 17/08/2014 23:06

Still no, op. And if she's flounces off with " you're not committed" etc, you've had a lucky escape:)

Why on earth would you put anyone on the deeds? Insanity.

Have you been with this person very long, and have you met any of her previous partners? Or long term friends? It wouldn't occur to me to be on the deeds. You're not married, so keep it simple.

And she should pay rent, as well as bills. Sorry, but you have to look out for yourself. If it doesn't work out, you end up in a forced sale, no house, and less money for a future partner and dc. Don't gift your money.

FishWithABicycle · 17/08/2014 23:08

A big "no" on adding to the deeds of this house...

But I can also see from her point of view a feeling of insecurity because she is making her home with you but could lose that home instantly if your relationship breaks down. I can't blame her from wanting some security, but getting you to sign over the deeds to the house isn't the way to go.

I suggest that the two of you find and buy a modestly-sized investment property with monthly contributions from both of you - the money she would be putting into rent if she weren't living with you, and the amount you would be putting into mortgage if you still had one. THAT property can be in joint names and perhaps you could even have a written agreement that in the event of relationship breakdown she will have the right to live in that house (though your half will remain yours and you'll get half when it's sold) - then you get to keep 100% of your house but she gets a bit of security.