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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to add my partner to my deeds?

102 replies

blueone19 · 17/08/2014 21:53

First time poster, basically i bought a house before this relationship but not DP has asked to be added on to the deeds of the home. DP does pay half of the bills as they are now but there is no mortgage as i paid house in full.

Am i being unreasonable in believing deeds should remain in my name alone for this reason?

OP posts:
comingintomyown · 17/08/2014 23:09

YANBU do not do that

Blu · 17/08/2014 23:11

I would not give half my house to someone.

The only circumstances would sign over a share in a house which I had bought with my own hard earned money would be if my partner had given up a job or compromised a career in order to live in the house and bring up a child/ren in the house. In that case each person in it needs an equal level of security.

lavenderhoney · 17/08/2014 23:14

And if you do buy a house together, or change the deeds, make sure its tenants in common, and you explicitly say your share including your mortage repayments! Keep invoices to improvements you have paid for and all legal fees split equally etc etc before a 50/50 split.

She's a chancer, any road.

Sallyingforth · 17/08/2014 23:19

No if he had any faith in relationship he wouldn't even ask.

As bedsheets said above.

My DP moved in to my house 6+ years ago, and has never suggested anything of the sort. We're both happy with the arrangement.

fluffyduffydoo · 17/08/2014 23:33

No she doesn't sound like a chancer. This women is paying her way in the household setup

The OP needs to decide if he wants a lodger or a partner he wants to spend the rest of his life with

If I was on the bones of my arse and living with a guy who owned his home outright , I would want I bit security too

However if you think the person is going to take you for a ride , end the relatonship

bloodyteenagers · 17/08/2014 23:35

I would actually pmsl if my partner asked for half of my property because they are paying for half the bills.
I would then ask on what planet they think this is reasonable. Bills are for exactly that - gas, electric, food, council tax, tv etc. They are contributing half because they eat, shit, shower etc. The only way that person would get a name on the deeds would be to stump up half of what the property is currently worth.

fluffyduffydoo · 17/08/2014 23:42

So what about sharing everything in a serious relationship?

fluffyduffydoo · 17/08/2014 23:44

or contribute to the monthly mortgage?

HaroldLloyd · 17/08/2014 23:47

As long as the 650 isn't eaten up in house expenses would suggest it's agreed she saves that in her name for her future security in case of split.

RumNoRaisins · 17/08/2014 23:48

There is no mortgage. The partner contributes to half the bills. Being in a serious relationship does not mean being a financial mug. I would have thought being able to save £650 a month would be excellent financial security.

HawthornLantern · 17/08/2014 23:50

Sharing half the running costs of a household doesn't provide automatic rights to 50% of a major capital asset.

If you were to marry your partner and then split up then I have no idea how your assets would be split...if it were a short marriage and no children then maybe it would not be 50/50 - but after 30 years, then yes it would be quite different.

But if you don't marry and were to pre-decease your partner you can still protect your partner's future security by writing a will.

If you split from your partner for any reason other than one of you dying then you probably don't want to lose half of your home, which you saved/paid for etc, to your partner at that time and I honestly don't see why your partner would expect to gain this huge benefit at that time. There is already a huge benefit in living rent free.

I live in DP's house and share bills (but not mortgage and I don't pay rent) with absolutely no title or expectation of any shared ownership. I wouldn't want it - any value in the property should ultimately go to his children. In the meanwhile I have the opportunity to save the rent I would otherwise have had to pay to live in this area. That's no small thing.

BuggersMuddle · 17/08/2014 23:53

£650 a month would suggest she may be able to afford a mortgage on a BTL / investment property. Alternatively of course she could just use the money saved to invest for her future (not necessarily in property).

Expecting the gift of half a house in the circumstance you describe is being completely unreasonable.

Chiana · 17/08/2014 23:55

I agree with FishWithABicycle.

Bogeyface · 18/08/2014 00:20

H half owns a house with his sister, it is his not ours in my mind although legally I could claim part of it in a divorce. He bought it before we got together, he paid the mortgage etc.

Your DP has no more claim on your property than I do, less in fact because you are not married!

Tell her that you will happily sell her half of the property if she takes out a mortgage on it and pays it herself, she what she says to that!

Bogeyface · 18/08/2014 00:21

Paying half the bills means you get to use half the electric, phone, water etc. Tenants who rent do not get to demand half the equity in their landlords property because they are paying all their utility bills!

bedraggledmumoftwo · 18/08/2014 06:21

Dp should be glad to not be charged rent and should be saving that money to build up her own equity.

lavenderhoney · 18/08/2014 06:22

I think she's a chancer because she plans to be on the deeds, continue to contribute ( one hopes) to bills, and does that mean she will then pay half the mortgage as well and any other costs, plumber etc?

Still do tenants in common as you can specify what you get back. Its not 50/50 split. She should only get back what she has put in, less legal fees to be on the deeds, sell house, get her off the deeds, in the likelihood of you splitting and her forcing you out/ a sale.

Its a lot of faff, why are even considering it? If she's not paying rent and you have a spare room, you are are already gifting whatever rent is in your area in a shared house.

£650 a month is a lot. She could buy with that , she should look round and see. Will you be on the deeds as you have in effect given her a free accommodation in order to save?:)

GoblinLittleOwl · 18/08/2014 06:53

Do not, do not, do not. I have a friend who did just that, to prove to her husband how much she loved him when trouble struck . He then took her to court for half of the house, having contributed nothing other than DIY, and after a very unpleasant divorce was awarded a third of the value; she had to sell the house to pay him and is now living in a vastly inferior house miles away from her friends and family. Do not be persuaded.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/08/2014 07:20

YANBU. If I were to regularly pay a colleague petrol costs, would I accumulate a share in their car? No I bloody well wouldn't! She's lucky to be living rent free.

Altinkum · 18/08/2014 07:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

badtime · 18/08/2014 08:00

I have rented several flats over the years, and I paid bills in each of them. I don't think my landlords would have taken kindly to me demanding a share of the property on that basis.

YANBU

yomellamoHelly · 18/08/2014 08:03

I would say that our dp needs to be able to invest / save that money that would have gone on rent / mortgage. Then you calculate how much money you have left and split the bills accordingly. Difficult one though. Can see it from both sides.

MaryWestmacott · 18/08/2014 08:08

So, assuming your DP's share of the bills is not significantly higher than when she rented alone, she's saving £7,800 a year by living with you compared to renting alone. In 5 years time, that's £39,000 - a sizable chunk of money. How long have you been living together, how much of that £650 a month has she been saving or has she been having a much 'bigger' lifestyle spending that money, funded effectively by you.

Would your DP be interested in saving up and buying a BTL so she has some security of a second property should your relationship break down? Or is she worried about what she would do if you were hit by a bus? do you intend to leave the property to her and have you written a will to that effect?

If it's just about wanting your money, then tough, but if it's about wanting security long term (not just if you break up, but if you dropped dead tomorrow), then there are other ways she can achieve that and you can help her to do that.

CoolCat2014 · 18/08/2014 08:15

No way, you paid for the house so it should stay in your name. If you want to readdress if you get married, fair enough.

grobagsforever · 18/08/2014 08:15

My mum lived in her partner's house paying half the bills, doing all the house work and raising his children for ten years. when he left her for another woman she had nothing. Your DP must protect herself by investing in another property or buying a share of yours.