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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not want to pay for someone's meal on my birthday

138 replies

mommy2ash · 17/08/2014 00:37

I will begin with saying I am a bit precious about my birthday even though that's a bit frowned upon here. I also go out of my way for my friends on theirs.

ok so a friend of mine has had a birthday a few weeks ago. there was two nights out and a meal. I went to one of the nights out. next month we will also be going away for the weekend to celebrate the birthday again which was quite expensive.

it will be my birthday this week and another friend who missed the nights out a few weeks back wanted to go out for a meal to celebrate the birthday again. the night she organised Will be my birthday. it didn't initially bother me I saw the funny side of it and said I would go. there will be four of us.

I then get an email saying I know it's your birthday but really it's the other friends night so we will split the cost of the table by three. it again wouldn't have bothered me much if it were a set meal but I eat very lightly usually a salad and I don't drink. they usually get three course meals and bottles of wine and cocktails. I have no idea how much all of this is supposed to cost and I'm trying to have a night out for my own birthday and I really can't afford it. the favour won't be returned for my birthday im only having a few drinks at mine which supply and a night out in town which I pay my own way for.

the other two going have already celebrated this friends birthday and will be going on the weekend away so I feel if the friend who missed it wanted to treat her she should pay for her meal herself and not drag us into it.

I'm not going to bring up the cost or anything as that would be awkward would I be unreasonable to say I can't get a babysitter and back out?

OP posts:
onedev · 17/08/2014 13:46

Obviously meant friend B!

Littlef00t · 17/08/2014 13:49

Your poor sensible just turned 30 friend. I hope she sees through her other friend for spoiling her evening and yours for the sake of a free meal she didn't even want.

Iseechickens · 17/08/2014 13:56

What a horrid person! Enjoy your birthday OP. Cake

Laquitar · 17/08/2014 14:02

Wow 'friend' b sounds very odd.

Talk to friend a and forward the e-mail so that friend b can not change the history.

Btw i like your birthday, thats how it should be imo. You invite your friends to your house and you provide food and drink.

SueDoku · 17/08/2014 15:08

Friend b is waving a big red flag with 'WENDY' on it....!!

Make sure you speak to the other 3 people personally, or you may find that you've got no friends left to come to your celebration (which sounds lovely!). Hmm

mommy2ash · 17/08/2014 18:21

that is good advice the only person I'm hoping doesn't turn up is friend b lol

OP posts:
Chiana · 17/08/2014 18:25

Friend B doesn't sound like much of a friend. You're well rid. But be sure to explain the situation to your other friends, so they don't get a tall tale from B. And enjoy your upcoming celebration.

madamemuddle · 17/08/2014 18:31

No, I would not go out on my Birthday and celebrate/pay for someone else's Birthday that has already been celebrated umpteen times before.

You don't need 'friends' like that. Sounds like you are well rid.

reup · 17/08/2014 18:40

Is friend b going on the holiday?

ChasedByBees · 17/08/2014 19:02

I hope you've uninvited friend B from your celebrations! What a cow she is.

ChoccaDoobie · 17/08/2014 19:16

Well done for being honest about it. She was being unreasonable on so many levels. Enjoy your birthday!

mommy2ash · 17/08/2014 22:59

yes she will be going on the holiday as well. I haven't mentioned my birthday since this happened but doubt she would turn up after uninviting me to the meal.

OP posts:
lornemalvo · 17/08/2014 23:11

Crazy. What a response. You would think she would have been embarassed. The rest of you have already given the birthday girl something. She should sort out her own present for her instead of paying for it with other people's money.

EverythingCounts · 17/08/2014 23:52

Seriously? She thinks you're 'making it all about you' by not wanting to pretend it's not your birthday and celebrate someone else's instead? Completely mad. Forward the email to your other friends as pp suggested.

eddielizzard · 17/08/2014 23:57

how rude can some people get? friend b is no friend at all!

you could forward email to friend a but you wouldn't come out well either then.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/08/2014 00:27

well I am sure she will not turn up, and I hope that she does not. I would distance myself from her, she does not sound quite right. Wishing you a lovely birthday Flowers

Bouttimeforwine · 18/08/2014 09:27

If she missed the other celebrations, then she can celebrate however she wants now, but she shouldn't be inconveniencing others.

Well she's really shown her colours. I'd definitely talk to the others and give my side of the story. Any reasonable person would understand and bear you no grudges.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/08/2014 09:36

I agree if she missed celebrations, she should do something herself, not inconvenience others, selfish moo.

mommy2ash · 18/08/2014 21:58

UPDATE

my other friend rang me today to say crazy friend has gotten it wrong they were paying for friend as they missed her birthday nothing to do with me and to please still come they have chipped in to get me a present and I'm just to pay for my own food as I had originally thought and after the week away she hopes she never has to hear about birthdays again lol.

I haven't decided as of yet if I want to Go or not.

OP posts:
jaynebxl · 18/08/2014 22:02

Aww that's a bit better. Would you like to go now?

Aeroflotgirl · 18/08/2014 22:03

I bet your friend had a little word with nasty friend B, hence the about turn. I would go and enjoy myself, and just pay for your own.

phantomnamechanger · 18/08/2014 22:14

is crazy friend the next to turn 30 I wonder, and trying to set the scene for how she wants to be the centre of attention for weeks on end and have everything paid for her when its her turn?

NotALondoner · 18/08/2014 22:20

Hmm. Well the way I would see that is - they are paying for friend's birthday meal (and other celebratory evenings) but not your birthday meal...have I got that wrong?

Floggingmolly · 18/08/2014 22:26

Jesus, just tell her the first friend's birthday is over! How bloody ridiculous that they're still celebrating it weeks later. And on someone else's birthday as well Hmm

zeezeek · 18/08/2014 22:26

If this much celebrating has gone into her 30th....I guess you need to start saving up now for her 40th!!

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